Do you really care how another baby is fed? (Ff/bf)

[justonesherryformedicinalpurpo]

I breastfed my first and I am now breastfeeding my second.

I have never been made to feel uncomfortable while feeding in public. And I have NEVER looked at a woman ff her baby and given a shit. I just think "aw another baby". But I must admit that if I am talking about bf or if I am bf around a ff mother I fear that I may make her feel like I think I am better than her. And that's just crap. I just can't believe, still, that there is judgement on how a baby is fed.

I would just love to know, honestly, if you actually care how other babies are fed.

There is so much judgement and a lot of publicity on it now that some of it must come from other mothers.

If you think you are better for bf be honest. If you think you are being judged for ff be honest.

My friend recently commented on how another mother quit breastfeeding very early on and she was shocked and disappointed etc. And I said "there is enough judgement without needing to add to it. There is also someone there to judge you. You could be judged for combination feeding from a few weeks old. I could be judged for not bf my first past 10 months, what has it got to do with anyone else".

I don't mean to start a war here. I just want people to be honest if they do judge and why. Afterall we don't know one another and we may become less judgy after this.

I really, really couldn't care less.
I am a midwife/nicu nurse and a bf mama.
I know that "breast is best", i can't see how anybody could fail to know that as it's plastered everywhere.
But if you choose to ff i absolutely respect your decision. Your child, your choice.

(Although i always hope that mums of prem babies will try expressing)

Nope I couldn't care less. I intended to FF but circumstances meant it was best for the baby to try BFing. I have breastfed in front my my cousin (she didn't mind) who gives her boy formula, was no problem whatsoever.

What does annoy me is when people tell me I need to put him on formula because he as issues with trapped wind/colic my other cousin tried BFing and because her baby was unsettled, she put him on formula therefore so should I. Her baby wasn't latching properly so wasn't having enough, was hungry and not gaining enough. My baby is shooting up in weight (91st centile and cute chubby cheeks ) he just has colic. I'm transitioning to formula for my own personal reasons to do with breastfeeding.

As long as a child is fed and healthy and loved, it does not matter!

I've noticed that whenever I see a ff fed baby I think 'wow, it's been ages since I saw a ff fed baby'. We live in an area with good bf rates and I do wonder if this is making all the ff babies stay at home. I hope not.

Our locals bf support group I think would do well to just call it a feeding support group. Let's all get together and feed our babies however we feed them. I actually think this would make everyone feel more supported but also potentially make bf more visible to those that may not have considered it before for subsequent babies.

I do feel proud that I bf, because it was bloody hard work. (Child took two weeks to learn how to latch, I had to stay in hospital for a week, express lots, hire an expressing machine etc.) So I'm proud that I stuck with it. But I also know that I'm very, very lucky - there was lots of breastfeeding support available, I had a very supportive partner, we had the money to hire an expressing machine etc. In other circumstances, I probably wouldn't have managed.

And I do wish that that support was available for all mothers, because I know how sad I would have been if it hadn't worked, and I know other mothers who've really struggled with not being able to bf.

Having said that, I have friends who looked at all the research and concluded that 'breast is best' is massively overstated by the NHS and most of the benefits vanish when you control for middle-class-ness. So they formula fed. And I massively respect that. And I have other friends who weren't able to bf for medical reasons. And I do admit to being really jealous of the relationship their child has with his dad, because I am definitely Number One Parent in our house, and I don't think I would be so much if we'd formula fed. And I know DH found it hard when DS learnt to breastfeed and he wasn't bottlefeeding anymore.

So no, I don't look at ffing mothers and judge, not at all. I'm a bit jealous, actually. But I am proud that I bf.

God no I couldn't care less. Most of my friends breastfed and not once did I feel lesser for formula feeding.

I was determined to BF my DD but when she was born she just couldn't latch. We tried for 4 days in hospital and despite really good BF support, she never did latch.

I do feel judged that she is FF but that's my issue with not being able to feed her. I've never been made to feel like that by other mums but worry that BFing mums look down on me.

I couldn't care less. I expressed exclusively for several months due to being unable to breastfeed which probably looked like formula to an onlooker, then I formula fed. I've never felt judged or had any comments out in public. And I've never felt bad at all when feeding alongside a breastfeeding mother, and I've never felt like they were judging me. In groups of other mums i feel like everyone understands how hard breastfeeding can be and that almost everyone has had some form of difficulty so no-one has ever really batted an eyelid about how other mums are feeding.

I certainly wouldn't judge anyone for formula feeding - both my children had formula. But I will admit to thinking it would be great if the breast feeding rates were higher.

So, yes, I suppose ultimately I do think it would be nice if more babies could have some breastmilk (at least).

no, I don't judge others for how they feed their baby. I'd judge a mother that doesn't feed their child at all!
I have my own reasons for choosing to BF both my DD's, not least the fact that it's free!
I think all parents need to be supported in what ever parenting choices they make for their family. I do think there needs to be more practical BF support for mothers who want to BF but struggle.

I've had a few comments.
I BF for almost six weeks, had to start mix feeding at about four weeks and was FF at just over six weeks.

My milk went back within 48 hours without me having to express any off an without and blocked ducts etc. Turns out it was never "right" in terms of volume or quality. The MW, health visitor, breast feeding specialist and Gp were all adamant that id I continued to feed and express I'd end up with loads of milk and it would be wonderful. It didn't happen. I stated FF and my DDs colic improved, her thrush disappeared and she started gaining weight. Within a week she was a completely different, healthy baby.

I still had people doing the whole "oh, you decided not to BF then?" Comments. No, I didn't - turns out I couldn't but Thankyou for making me feel like I've fundamentally failed my daughter.

It's horrible. I've made peace with it to a certain extent but my own feelings of failure and other people's comments have, if I'm honest, rooted themselves in my mind and I think I'll always feel a bit guilty that it didn't work, which when my DD is healthier being FF it's a sad way to feel.

People should mind their own business.

No.

I confess - before I had kids I was mentally a little judgy about mothers ffing (although I would never say anything out loud). I used to think anyone could bf and it was easy - so didn't understand why some mums wouldn't when it had health (and environmental/cost) benefits over formula.

Now I completely get it. I've a 12 week old I've (mostly) bf and it's been one of the hardest things I've ever done. I've suffered severe tongue tie, thrush, repeat blocked ducts - basically it was utterly agonising and miserable for the first 8 weeks. I've no idea why I stuck with it tbh. Madness. If I were to do it all again I'd probably just ff.

Anyway It's much better now thankfully, and with experience, I'm much wiser. There is a whole host of reasons why bf might not work for mum and/or baby and I judge no one for ffing... whatever their reason.

Now I look back on myself and laugh at how foolish and naive I was. I also thought that childbirth would be pain free if I just had the right mindset and learned some breathing techniques. What a prat 😂

Refreshing to see a non-argumentative and honest discussion on the topic. I totally agree with you OP.

It's a shame this threads like this aren't the ones that make the headlines. These are the messages people should hear

I bf my 3, I couldn't give a toss what anyone else did, certainly never judged anyone or went round thinking breast is best blah blah blah.....I did it because I wanted to and it was free BUT if I was to have a baby today I would be Ffing it, I wouldn't want that dairy cow feeling ever again.

I cared about how I fed my own child. I do not care how anybody else chooses to feed theirs.
I did find that people sometimes wanted to push their own choices on to me or defend their own choices when really I wasn't interested!

I couldn't care less, no-one has ever commented to me either, never felt judged myself. I don't what any parent does in general unless they're abusive/neglectful. I'm shocked at the comments people get! None of it matters..

I don't care how a baby is fed - however I feel passionate about people being given the right support and information to help them feed in their chosen way - I hate hearing people struggle (usually with bf just cos that's what most people I meet try first). If I jump in and offer advise on how to keep bf-Ing it's not because I have anything against ff, just that I want people to be going there because they either want to or need to, not for lack of support and the right advice.

I feel colostrum is really, really important. After that I don't think it matters. I know very high achieving, healthy people who were ff and vice versa for bf. it's not like you can look at adult and know if they were ff or bf. It's whatever works best.

No not at all. I once sat in a cafe ff my baby whilst my friend was bf hers, not big deal for either of us.

No, I really don't. But I do judge people who try to claim there is no benefit in breastfeeding. It's one of the most ridiculous things I've ever come across.

I've known a couple of babies who have been exclusively BF and clearly failed to thrive on it. Once they hit 6 months and were fed food they suddenly began to gain weight. I'd judge the HCP supporting those parents for not finding a solution to allow those babies to grow normally - it can't be good for development to semi-starve for 6 months. I don't think that it is the parents' fault for dogmatically BF - that's the message they've been given.

Argy - I don't think that it's a case of no benefit in breastfeeding. I think it's beneficial, but the main event is that the baby gets fed and thrives, in a way that works for all the family.

If a mother is stressed about breastfeeding, maybe stess hormones can reach the baby too.

Nobody can look at an adult and tell which has been breastfed and which have not, and for how long. There's no way to tell.

It's a good many years since I had to worry about feeding a baby. But I have no interest whatsoever in how a baby is fed,just as long as it is being fed! I struggled to bf when I had my DD nearly 34 years ago and changed over to ff after 4 weeks as it all got too much for me. Likewise,my DD tried to bf her DD when she was born 10 years ago but had to give up after a couple of weeks as she wasn't producing enough milk (a side-effect,she was told of being severely anaemic). When I gave up,back in 1983,barely a word was said by anyone,I was not made to feel guilty or that I was failing my baby in some way. But when my DD did the same,probably for more valid reasons than I did,good grief! The bf Gestapo were on her case immediately and she was made to feel quite bad about it.

Meant to add,that for these reasons,I would never judge a mother for how she was feeding her baby. Nobody knows for sure what problems or health issues they may have,so therefore I have no right to judge them. A fed,happy baby is more important than whether it's bf or ff.

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo yes, both were mothers themselves