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Parenting

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Original poster

9 year old going to cinema with a group of 11 year old girls unsupervised???

27 replies

mamaladybug · 04/03/2007 23:48

I would just like to know other peoples views.Am I being too over protective????
I just found out that my ex allowed our 9 yr old DD to go to cinema (dropped off and picked up inside) with his new partners 11 year old DD and a group of 11 year old girls. I think my DD is too young.......would appreciate others views

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Skribble · 04/03/2007 23:50

Dropping off and picking up leaves her with not too much mischief to get up too. Depends what film they go to see as well and what the girls are like, some at that age act like a bunch of toddlers others are much more sofisticated and like to act more grown up.

Original poster

mamaladybug · 04/03/2007 23:58

The film was ok for her age group but I dont know any of the girls she went with.....Iv met my ex's partners kid and she seems nice. Was more worried about her getting accosted in toilet by stranger or something!!

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Skribble · 05/03/2007 00:04

You could tell het to go to the loos in 2s, but not likely to do it if she is worried about looking silly with the older girls.

The corridors are normaly busy and the loos full of other females. If it is daytime weekend loads of other kids, early evening loads of families too.

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Skribble · 05/03/2007 00:04

TBH she is more likely to get in trouble for chucking popcorn or something silly .

Original poster

mamaladybug · 05/03/2007 00:14

Lol!!!!
Thanks skribble you are probably right.Its prob made me feel worse that this is 2nd time its happened and ex asumed I knew she was with the 11 year olds alone but
DD did not tell me about it.I asumed she went with her dad.The fact that I dont know these girls made me more insecure.

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katelyle · 05/03/2007 00:18

I'm really tempted to say "Oh don't be silly, of course she won't be accosted in the toilets by a rampant paedophile lesbian - largely because the number of rampant paedophile lesbians must be so small as to amount to - maybe -worst case - one - but it does occur to me to wonder whether you've had a proper convesation with her father about what she's allowed to do when. You really need to ahbve shared rules.

Original poster

mamaladybug · 05/03/2007 00:35

did not think of that katelyl!!!!
TBH this is the first parenting dilema i have had with my ex regarding DD. I just found out by chance tonight when i needed to call him for something......DD is staying with him now. I did say i was concerned but then felt i was over reacting because he said they had fun and she was fine. When he drops her off tomorow night will tell him how i feel. Its a bit difficult though as dont want him to think i dont trust his or his girlfriends judgement. i will need to choose my words carefully.

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nappyaddict · 05/03/2007 05:13

i think i was about 9 when i was first allowed to do this.

earlgrey · 05/03/2007 06:06

I'd be uncomfortable about it. I'd be worried that she may feel isolated with so many people around her that she doesn't know, and may feel left out.

Having said that, when I took dds to their cousin's ice skating party, the girls there were hugely protective of dd1 (7), but not of dd2 (8). I guess she just looked that bit older and able to cope, but there's really not that much between them in wanting peer approval and wanting to 'fit in'.

Original poster

mamaladybug · 05/03/2007 10:03

I feel a bit like you earlgrey....that she may be isolated with a group of older girls that are not her imediate friends. Also the fact that she brushed it under the carpet a bit and did not excitedly chat to us about it after last time makes me concerned that she either felt uncomfortable or did not tell me incase i stopped her going.
Then i also feel a bit....well is it sooo bad??? should i give her a little freedom after reading other posts.
I think i would feel a bit better about it if she was 11 and i knew the group of girls she was going with.

Oh its hard being a parent and wanting to do the right thing!!!!! Suppose it gets worse the older they get!!!

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cremolafoam · 05/03/2007 10:10

am watching this thread with interest as dh and had this very discussion about dd yesterday. the thing that bothered me was that dd and her friends would just end up messing about in the cinema rather that just watching the film.( i know what i was like at 11 and we threw popcorn and spend most of the time hanging about in the loos)LOL
can't decide what to do

DetentionGrrrl · 05/03/2007 10:14

as someone who was never allowed out, or to go anywhere, i say let them. If she's being dropped off and picked up, and will be in a small group, i don't see a problem...unless she's a VERY immature and naive 9yr old.

Original poster

mamaladybug · 05/03/2007 10:15

Its the hanging around the loos that bothers me the most!!! Also they could get chatting to a group of teenage boys and she might get involved in conversations that id rather her not!!!! Or i could just be going mad and over the top!!!

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oxocube · 05/03/2007 10:18

I would let my dd (who is also 9) go under these circumstances. Drop her inside, pick her up inside, I'm sure she'll be fine! Is she very keen to go?

DetentionGrrrl · 05/03/2007 10:20

i think you are a bit! i used to work in a cinema- the loos were regularly checked and kids are kept under pretty good control. She will have to meet boys at some point- she's hardly going to do anything untoward in the middle of the cinema is she?

Seriously, i hated my father for being too protective (and controlling)and i moved out at 16 just to escape him. She has to learn social skills and meet people, and you have to show you trust her.

You're hardly dropping her off at a nightclub- it's a public place, in the day time, she won't be alone, and she's being picked up and dropped off.

Be brave!

Original poster

mamaladybug · 05/03/2007 10:21

Erm...... maybe teenage boys would not go to see same film as group of giggling tweens

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Original poster

mamaladybug · 05/03/2007 10:29

Thanks for these replies everyone.....oxo.. not sure if she is keen because she is with her dad when she is about to go...just found out about it last night.
grrr....you right i probably should be brave and be positive about it, she just seems so small.
I really dont want to be too controlling over her.

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DumbledoresGirl · 05/03/2007 10:36

I don't think it sounds too young tbh, especially not if she was dropped off and picked up outside the cinema.

The other day, my sons aged 10 and 9 went swimming with a friend of the 10 yos without parental supervision for the first time ever (the friend had been without parents before but my sons had not). Apart from the fact that my sons lost a £5 note of mine (grrrr) they were fine. You have to let go sometime and, if she was safe within the cinema walls, I don't really see much harm there.

Biglips · 05/03/2007 10:38

i was 10 when i first went to the cinema as my mum drop me and my cousin off (and she picked us up).....but the whole time we were chasing after boys and snogging the boys and never seen them again

Our first cinema was The American Teenwolf!! .....we were in luv!

Biglips · 05/03/2007 10:39

gosh i sounds like a right tart!!! but im not like that now as im on the other end of the scale - DONT TOUCH ME!!

Original poster

mamaladybug · 05/03/2007 10:41

Forgot to say grr......DD although petite in build....she is very sensible and has her moments of seeming really grown up and cheeky or still cuddly and babyish/silly.....prob normal 9 year old???? She is quite sociable and is used to different social situations...but usually with grown ups present. She does not play out at home though but has friends around.

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Original poster

mamaladybug · 05/03/2007 11:11

I also went to cinema when i was 10 biglips and spent all my time with my cousin running around the cinema in and out of the fire door......looking for snogging couples to giggle at!!!I did not do any snogging though, I was a little monkey sometimes but really immature.
I think my DD is more sensible than i was....she seems to know more than i did.I think the cinema is more supervised these days than it ever was.....so yes she should be safer within the cinema walls.

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Original poster

mamaladybug · 05/03/2007 12:14

Thanks again for these posts, they have helped me realise that maybe I need to let DD go and have a bit of freedom. I will still tell her dad my concerns and find out more about what happens when they go and about the other girls she goes with....when he drops her off later I will ask him. Also I feel the need to talk to DD about it tonight and find out what she gets up to....if she will tell me that is!

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Biglips · 05/03/2007 15:21

good luck

mumeeee · 05/03/2007 22:39

If she was dropped off and picked up that sounds fine to me.

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