Leaving the baby - does this make me weird?

[Xuli]

I have a DD who is nearly 5, and a DS who is 11 days old.

This morning DD and I went to the cinema with friends, so we were out for about 3 hours. DS was at home with DH; he is FF, which I know does make a difference. I can honestly say I never really thought about DS and DH while I was out. It was lovely to spend time with DD.

Reading MN about leaving babies, most people seem to say they could barely leave theirs for an hour when they were weeks old. I'm wondering now if it's weird I was so happy to leave a newborn?

I'm jealous! I found it really hard having to be with DD all the time (especially for the first six months when she had to be in the same room as me all the time). Once my Mum pushed her home in the pram whilst I got the car filled with petrol and that 15 minutes on my own was utter bliss! But I'm a complete introvert!

I'm sorry, I find it weird you didn't even think of your baby. But then, as pp have said, I've breastfed mine so my hormones make me acutely aware of my babies' physical need for me. I could probably have left my DC2 for 3hrs for an emergency at that age, as they slept well, but there's no way I would have wanted to. My DC1 would have been having none of it at that age!

I think the first time I was away from DS was when he was about 8 weeks old and my husband took him for a walk in his presence and I was beside myself. I was nervous and anxious the entire time they were gone and I felt sick at being parted from DS. They were only gone about 30 minutes but I hated it.

When DS was 4 months old I left him with my PIL (who live a 20 second walk away) so me and DH could catch up on some housework and I was in tears as we walked away from their house. I lasted about an hour before I had to go and collect him.

The first time I was away from DS for any significant time (I think it was for about 5 hours) was when he was about 7 months old. I missed him but I certainly didn't feel anxious or worried about him.

When my sister had her first DC she let PIL have him overnight at 5 weeks of age and I couldn't get my head around it all.

Neither approach is wrong though, everyone has different ways of bringing up their children and everyone just does what they do or don't feel comfortable with.

Admittedly I cannot fathom the idea of leaving an 11 day old baby but at the same time I can understand why you'd want/need some quality time with your other child.

Everyone's circumstances are different and people should do whatever feels right for them.

I don't think your wierd at all. I have three kids and my middle one was born on the Monday of the October half term when I had just started law school. He practically lived at my mums house for his first nine months of his life - he stayed over there every day and slept there probably three nights each week. He's now 7, well adjusted and didn't suffer at all. Personally I find it wierd when people can't/won't leave their kids!!

No it's not weird. Baby was safe and being looked after at home by dad, you were only away 3 hours and baby and dad probably had a bit of bonding time. If you were BF at this point it wouldn't have been so easy.
I BF my DD and one weekend when she was about 3 weeks old I was desperate for time off so went to wander around shops and for some cake. I fed her beforehand, was out about 2 hours but less than 5 mins from home. She slept the entire time I was out.

Redhead, not everybody who breastfeeds feels the same. I breastfed and had a close attachment to both my dc, but I could still have managed 3 hours if the goal was to share special time with other dc. For the emergency I mentioned in another post, I managed well over 24 hours. Hormones don't have exactly the same effect on everybody.

I''m glad to have read this! I plan on going back to work after 6 months with DH being the sahp. It honestly worried me reading so many women saying they couldn't leave their babies even after a year (or longer!).

So this has given me hope that I'm not selfish or strange to be planning to leave my baby with my DH

Sounds healthy to me. You knew the baby was well cared for and tbh it's nice babies Dad got a look in. I think parents who Darent leave them do so out of fear, it's not a measure of love.

I think everyone is a lot more chill with their second child than with their PFB. Besides she was with your DH so not like you didn't know she was safe.

I bf so couldn't have done this but I would have loved to! Everyone's different and I think if dads had more solo responsibility for their babies then childcare would be more equally shared down the line and the world would be a happier place.