Leaving the baby - does this make me weird?

[Xuli]

I have a DD who is nearly 5, and a DS who is 11 days old.

This morning DD and I went to the cinema with friends, so we were out for about 3 hours. DS was at home with DH; he is FF, which I know does make a difference. I can honestly say I never really thought about DS and DH while I was out. It was lovely to spend time with DD.

Reading MN about leaving babies, most people seem to say they could barely leave theirs for an hour when they were weeks old. I'm wondering now if it's weird I was so happy to leave a newborn?

I did exactly this when DD2 was about two weeks old- 9 year gap between kids, eldest feeling very unsettled from the constant attention the baby was getting from friends and family, wanted so email quality time with her just us so we did cinema and lunch. It was lovely and I was so glad we did it, reaffirming that I was still there for her and that just because her little sister needed a lot of my time and attention, I didn't love her any less.

We still do it now once a month and DD2 is 16 month's old

Not at all OP! DS1 is now 2 and spends a night each week with my mum and she regularly takes him for a night at the weekend or a whole weekend for us. Yes we're very lucky. I'm just hoping DD1 when she arrives will take a bottle quicker than her brother so I can do the same thing as you!

Have just remembered that when our twins were about 12 weeks old (6 weeks corrected as they were premature), dh and I sent them out with my sister and her husband with strict instructions not to return until a certain time. I sent them off with a full nappy bag and sufficient formula and dh and I raced up to bed for some glorious uninterrupted sleep. My sister had no children of her own and was utterly clueless but all 4 of them survived.

Yes to what computer said.
I find it more disturbing that some feel they can't leave baby for a few hours rather than those that do. Obviously if bf then that makes a difference in the early days, but past that I'm baffled as to any reason behind not leaving your child's side at all for weeks/months .

Your baby is FF, of course it's fine to leave him with a loving dad.
Your DH goes to work doesn't he? I'm guessing he doesn't feel guilty and why should he?
My DH has always been fully capable of looking after our two. We share the joy of being parents.
I find all this sexism baffling.
If baby was ebf it would obviously be more difficult but your son isn't so it's fine

DH was hands on with our 2 from the moment they popped out, both were FF and on my first night home he did all the night waking so I could recover from about 72 hours without sleep. Not sure exactly how many days DD2 was when I went out with DD1 alone but possible it was a little later than 11 days but only because I needed to recover.

Not odd - in fact great for your daughter to get some of your undivided attention. When mummy daughter was 10 days old I left for two hours to sort out my horses that I hadn't seen properly and loved having some 'me time'

When my second was born I had her at 10pm at night and was home at 1am in the morning - Dh's family visited that day (they live a few hours away) and I went to the shops for lunch supplies, (and left the baby) was out for an hour or so so no, I don't think leaving your baby is weird especially as it was a nice way to spend time with your eldest.

He was with his dad, not a random stranger, you knew you could trust him and you were enjoying time with your dd.
I left my ds with his dad from the start (we're not together but he's a fab dad) I did think about him a lot but I still felt fine about leaving him.
Why shouldn't babies spend time with their dads too.
I wouldn't worry at all!

There's no right or wrong way to feel. you feel as you feel. Which is fine. It's not weird. We are all completely different.

There s no supposed to with kids. No one can pectin fee what thoughts, feelings or attachments you should have in relation to your kids.
Some people are sentimental, some relate from a different place.

Pecctin fee? I meant prescribe.

Not weird at all. I went out when DD was 4 weeks old leaving her with my parents. I needed a drink so got taken out by my DSis and DBro as I was staying at my parents recovering from CS (while my DH farmer did the harvest and was working all hours at home). I even came back late with a kebab . DD was FF so I think it makes it easier.

DH thought I was unreasonable to do this though.

Don't worry about if it's normal or what other people may think about it! If you felt happy about it and enjoyed your time out with DH, then that's your prerogative. If you don't suffer from post natal depression or in general have issues with your feelings towards your children, then I don't see why you should feel guilty about having enjoyed your time out. So much guilt and so many expectations to be a mother in a certain way is heaped on women, it's no wonder that you start to question if your emotions are okay. Everyone's a different person, we are all different mothers too, and each situation is unique!

Just because you give birth to a new tiny human, does not mean that you have to enroll in some uniform mum-army, where every step out of line with the "norm" should be punished.

Do what feels good and right for you and your family, if your children and partner and yourself are all happy, you're obvs doing what's right in your situation!

Sorry, see now you were out with your other child, not partner. That makes it even less out of the ordinary (and had it been your DH, that would be your choice too!) and very nice indeed, think it's good to spend some time with the eldest child alone if you're able to, so they don't feel marginalised by the baby.

no problem with this whatsoever. dont look for problems. you have more than one child

I think it's quite sad that at 11 days old you didn't even think about whilst away from him tbh.

It was 3 hours. She was with her other child. Baby was with his other parent It's not sad. Grips etc.

Not weird at all Op.

At 11 days old the baby is still new and it's stands to reason you aren't used to constantly thinking about him yet. That comes over time when you are More used to catering to him all the time. Hope you and DD had a great time at the cinema.

Yesterday 16:03 Ineverpromisedyouarosegarden

I think the capability of the DH or OH makes a big difference too.

Or maybe we just assume like we do when mothers have their children by themselves that they are capable. Fathers aren't children or teenage babysitters.

You are not weird OP, you are a normal human being who likes a break from being a mum to a newborn for a few hours. When my child was little and I had the odd evening out with friends, I'll be honest and say I loved every bloody minute!

I have a formula fed ds who is 3 weeks tomorrow. He is DC4. I haven't been apart from him for more than 30 min so far and even then he was literally two minutes away.

However. That's me and my family. You do what works for you and yours!

I think it's the FF that makes the difference. I couldn't have left either of mine at that age due to BF. Not only the fact that the baby will need feeding, but also I found that the hormones released to the lactating mother would prevent me from leaving them whilst tiny iyswim
But your baby was with his dad who is actively involved in parenting duties and he had his food so no problem.

I was gagging to go out without an attachment. The grocery shopping was bliss.

It's not weird at all

but

I always find MN to be a place where people fall over themselves to insist that anyone who doesn't like leaving their baby is a "Mummy Martyr" (bloody hideous term) and that everyone should be totally fine with leaving their baby pretty much as soon as the cord is cut (with their other parent/ grandparent or trusted babysitter of course - but double brownie points and a gold star if it is with a grandmother) as frequently as possible and to be competitive about how very early and very frequently they left their own baby and what a bloody marvellous time they had without them.

I assume I perceive it that way because I felt as if a limb had been cut off if I was separated from my babies when they were under about 4 months old, if they weren't close by where I could get to them I couldn't think properly somehow, couldn't concentrate on anything else when MIL took DC3 off to show to her neighbours and stayed out an hour with him, without me and without asking me when we visited when he was 2 weeks old, pretended not to mind but was screaming inside - and he was DC3, so not just my pfb, I felt like that with all of them) - and you perceive it the opposite way because you are OK leaving your baby!

I absolutely think there is nothing wrong or weird about leaving your 11 day old FF baby with his dad for a few hours at all and its lovely you spent time with your DD.

However I think it is worth mentioning there is also nothing wrong or weird about not wanting to do that! I took small babies with me in a sling everywhere and they no more got in the way of spending time with my older kids than a big pregnant belly - I was very aware small babies only need to be clean, warm and fed but toddlers and preschoolers need attention - but my DC2 and 3 were both happy in a sling under my coat while I paid attention to the older ones (in that way BFing helped because I could put them on the breast and carry on). I took DC3 to the cinema (children's matinees) when I took his older siblings too, and he either slept or fed the whole time.

Both ways are fine and good and not weird, is what I'm trying to say :o

Not weird at all and a really nice idea to spend quality time with your DD when you and your DH have the time.

I haven't left my 5 month old for more than a few hours yet, but I am ebf 'ing. It would be different if i was ff'ing. I do feel sad I gave t face much one on one time with my eldest, so I envy you.