Leaving the baby - does this make me weird?

[Xuli]

I have a DD who is nearly 5, and a DS who is 11 days old.

This morning DD and I went to the cinema with friends, so we were out for about 3 hours. DS was at home with DH; he is FF, which I know does make a difference. I can honestly say I never really thought about DS and DH while I was out. It was lovely to spend time with DD.

Reading MN about leaving babies, most people seem to say they could barely leave theirs for an hour when they were weeks old. I'm wondering now if it's weird I was so happy to leave a newborn?

Not quite the 50s but dd is of the age when you left them outside local shops i too was half way home and realised id left her

If you were breastfeeding, I would be surprised if you didn't miss your baby (as your hormones make you miss them). But as you're FF, I think its perfectly fine. Plus its your second child, and you are spending quality time with your second child too :)

I bet your DD loved having mummy for a while. Nothing wrong with having a few hours to yourself or with your older DD. its not like you left the baby on its own! relax its fine x

Not weird i left dd with mil aged 7 days for one hour to see a patient i didnt want to let down. Do this once a week now for one hour and dd is 15 weeks. She get quality time with her grandparents. I bring lunch back for us all. You got quality time with dd who is a new big sister. Quality time with her mum what more would she need. Ds was with dh so very safe. Enjoy

When my DS2 was born my mum was dying of cancer. When he was a few weeks old she was moved into a hospice. DS2 spent a lot of time, including entire nights without me as I was sleeping at mum's bedside. I missed him sometimes but mostly I was in the moment with my mum. It hasn't damaged our bond or made me feel less close to him compared to DS1 (who was attached to my hip for 18 months).
Do what feels right. Fuck other people's opinions.
I remember the HV asking if I felt he was a Daddy's boy because of the time he had to spend together with just DH over those first few months. Pretty sure my stare back at her said it all.

Not weird at all :-) I have four of the little darlings and every time I go out (which is blooming rare as I home-educate three of them!) I spend time on me! Happy Mummy, Happy baby! xxx Its unhealthy to have no other thoughts but for your children, I know this and I worship my kids. xxxx

I know he is your second but when my ds was about a month old my dh made me go out for the day (he was bottle fed as I could not breast feed). He said that if I didn't leave him with our son how would he ever learn how to look after and bond with him. It was the best thing he ever did for me. I remember being so brain dead I don't think I thought about much at all. I think I was slightly releaved to be out by myself, as I felt so overwhelmed by being responsible for a baby all the time. It didn't affect my relationship with my son and I think I was a better mum for time away. In fact we made it a monthly thing. I think you should do what works for you and your family.

Nothing wrong with this at all. Your son was left with his daddy which is lovely daddy/baby bonding time and your daughter had mummy time with you at the cinema. Win win for everybody.

It's difficult to imagine what I would do since I exclusively bf both my girls for 6 months and then quite a lot for years afterwards.. As long as you are not worried about your bond otherwise I see no pb with that given the baby is ff.

Your baby is FF which means you can do this and gives your husband more time with baby and you more time with your eldest. One of the advantages of FF!

Find it weirder those who never leave their babies for months / years with their own fathers to be honest! I bf so it was about 3 weeks before I could express n leave a bottle (as back up sometimes got used other times not) so I could go out on my own or with older kids for couple hours & I did & didn't worry or think about them til boobs started to ache!

I think it's healthy that you took time out to be with your daughter and that you didn't spend that time obsessing over the baby. Your daughter needs your attention to and you gave it to her! Good for you!

ginseng mine won't take a bottle, won't eat, won't sleep more than an hour a go and dh works very long hours so I've not had a night (or indeed a day) off in 13 months. No family in this country and I don't really know anyone here. The longest I've had away from him was 3 hours to get to the doctor :(
It's not weird to not leave them - it's just the situation we find ourselves in. :(

Mine were both EBF. I still went out and left the first with DH when he was about 10 days old. I had a long planned night out and DS1 came 3 weeks early so there wasn't meant to be a baby to plan round. I fed him just before I left, went out and knew DH would call me if he was hungry. Never occurred to me to do otherwise and that was my first, let alone my slack parenting by no.2.

Totally fine and glad you and DD got to hang out.

Not weird at all. You know baby was safe and cared for. There was no reason to miss them. Some people are just too highly strung and controlling!

Not weird - lovely for your dd who needs you much more than the baby.

The plus side of not breast feeding. Mine were bf and welded to my side for (what felt like) years.

I think that sounds lovely and I wish I'd been able to do more stuff like that. Not weird in the slightest

I don't think it's weird. Your just human. Your new baby was being looked after by his dad so why would you worry or think too much about them. I took my dd to a birthday party when ds was about two weeks old and like you it was lovely just to have a break and be with dd.

Spending time alone with your older child is important too. I didn't consider it as "leaving" my babies if their dad was home with them, as opposed to a paid babysitter. Sometimes my husband would take the eldest out for ice cream or a movie, and sometimes I did. What's the difference? While the eldest is adjusting to sharing with a sibling, it's good that birth kids still have alone time with parents here and there.

I meant "both" kids, not birth kids. Sorry!

I don't think it's weird that you did it, your older child needs 1-1 time too but I think it's weird you didn't miss / think about your very newborn baby at all.
But I had severe PND with my 1 & only son after he was born (many years ago) so maybe my views are skewed.

So sorry wrong thread. Will get it deleted.

Your first sentence was spot on though Bubble

I agree totally with 5moreminutes. There's no right answer to this. If you want to leave your newborn in his father's capable hands then good for you. If you want to stay with the baby and find it hard to leave them, good for you. But it's not a competition, do whatever you feel best about, no judgement here.