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Original poster

Leaving the baby - does this make me weird?

136 replies

Xuli · 06/11/2016 15:30

I have a DD who is nearly 5, and a DS who is 11 days old.

This morning DD and I went to the cinema with friends, so we were out for about 3 hours. DS was at home with DH; he is FF, which I know does make a difference. I can honestly say I never really thought about DS and DH while I was out. It was lovely to spend time with DD.

Reading MN about leaving babies, most people seem to say they could barely leave theirs for an hour when they were weeks old. I'm wondering now if it's weird I was so happy to leave a newborn?

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Danglyweed · 07/11/2016 13:15

Not weird to me at all. I easily switch off as soon as im away

mouldycheesefan · 07/11/2016 13:23

It's fine. I was in hospital for a month when my twins were born and the midwives used to send the long timers in the ward out for dinner. So you would park up the babies in the midwife room and you had two hours to go out with dh for a meal. This was only for the last week I was in but it was nice to get a change of scene from the hospital ward, you do go stir crazy aftwr a while. You signed out and back in.

Original poster

Xuli · 07/11/2016 16:24

Reassuring to see other people have done this too. I can see other people might find it odd but I miss DD too.

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corythatwas · 07/11/2016 17:59

When my second and breastfed baby was tiny, his granddad had a heart attack some 5 hours journey from us and was thought to be on his way out. I was unable to travel (section + other complications, no car etc), so dh grabbed some of those made-up bottles from the pharmacy, got himself and baby on the train so that his dad would have seen his grandson before he died. They came back the following day, granddad recovered, we all survived.

A family is about more than one member. In the OP's case about her other child as well. In dh's case about his dad.

LaPharisienne · 07/11/2016 18:01

For me, it's totally different to leave baby with DH. I happily leave my baby with my DP, but wouldn't with anyone else.

ReginaPhalange87 · 07/11/2016 20:12

When DD1 was 4 weeks old she stayed at my parents overnight so DH and I could go for a meal and a few drinks for my birthday. We thought about her but I had no problem leaving her, I knew she was in more than capable hands. When DD2 was just over 2 weeks old (and breastfed) she was left overnight with my parents so DH and I could go to a show we'd booked prior to me falling pregnant. Again we talked about both the girls but I was more than happy to leave my newborn with my parents. I think it completely depends on you as a person and who you're leaving them with/what your relationship with them is like. You're not a bad parent for feeling either way.

Serialweightwatcher · 07/11/2016 20:22

Don't feel guilty about this - you've done nothing wrong - your baby was safe and you had quality time with your other child - don't beat yourself up

garlicandsapphire · 07/11/2016 20:23

Good for you. I'm sure you are always putting your kids first. Cant bear mothers judging other mothers. Its not a martyr competition...

HyacinthFuckit · 07/11/2016 20:23

Not weird. Or sad. What's sad is someone feeling the need to criticise a postpartum mother for focusing on her other child. And by sad I mean supremely cunty.

FloweryTwat · 07/11/2016 20:24

I left DD2 for a couple of hours to take DD1 to the park when DD2 was 2 days old.

I can still see the disappointment she feels in me sometimes when I catch her gazing into mid distance.

DH had to go back to work when DD2 was 3 days old, I imagine he managed at least part of his working day without giving us a second thought.

And by the time DC3 came along...

ispymincepie · 07/11/2016 20:29

I think the reason some people find it weird is because of the 'fourth trimester' thing, regardless of feeding method, the baby doesn't realise it's separate from it's mother yet. But given that most people aren't permanently attached to their babies these days, the mother being out for 3 hours is no different than baby being in the cot/pram etc....

meganorks · 07/11/2016 20:36

I think that's fine. Not weird at all. I BF so my options are limited but my first was actually easier to leave. Had definitely left her downstairs with grandparents while I slept at that age. 2nd hardly at all as bloody feeding all the time!

Trifleorbust · 07/11/2016 20:37

Of course not!

milliemoon · 07/11/2016 20:44

I was the same op

ThinkOfTheMice · 07/11/2016 20:44

Not weird at all. As long as baby is happy and settled then all is fine.
Ds is 13 months and due to us having no childcare/family in this country I've not had more than three hours away from him since he was born. Im not sure that's a good thing tbh.
Ds is with his dad, it's not like you left him in the care of wolves and went out to score some meth ffs...

ChocChocPorridge · 07/11/2016 20:46

I remember leaving DS1 for an hour to wander to the shops when he was a similar age, and it was weird, but good...

DS2 was easy - I bet I left him for that long that early (or maybe not, but, I can't actually remember)

Doesn't make you strange - he was looked after, he was safe, he wasn't hungry, why not!

Whatsername17 · 07/11/2016 20:48

I think the difference here is that your DS was with your DH. His dad. Im currently pregnant with my second but I remember being fine leaving DD with DH when she was a baby. I dont think I really went anywhere special tbh. Except maybe to pop out to the shops or for a bath or a sleep. I didnt worry though - she was with her other parent. And I am a mum who didnt really like leaving her with anyone else - grandparents included.

Eevee77 · 07/11/2016 20:49

My DS had his first over night stay with GP at 8 days old. I was far too tired to think about him. I slept for 14 hours and didn't feel an ounce of guilt. Well done to you for getting out the house and enjoying yourself

seven201 · 07/11/2016 20:52

I don't think it's weird. I personally don't think I'd do it as early as 11 days but if it suits you then fine. I was surprised that you said you hadn't thought of your baby at all in the 3 hours but your next post shut me up!

43percentburnt · 07/11/2016 20:53

No issue if baby is FF, dad can do skin to skin and spend a few hours bonding with baby.

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/11/2016 20:58

You're not weird. You have to remember that MN is a skewed demographic - mothers who are less obsessed with their kids are less likely to seek out a parenting website at all and less likely to be that bothered about telling the world at large about their experience if they are here. Also I think you get a fair bit of a sort of performance parenting on some threads considering the juxtaposition between MN received wisdom and what you actually see playing out on the street every day.

Glad you had a normal, human and fun time with your DD. Do it at least as often as you're all happy with it.

FrozenPeach · 07/11/2016 21:00

Back when I had my first I would have probably thought this was weird. My son never left my side until I started work when he was 18 months and I was making such a big deal out of leaving him, despite him being with his dad who was and is more than capable and actually more fun than me as well 😂 looking back I realise I had quite severe separation anxiety and I have relaxed when it comes to my daughter even managing a shopping trip alone where I didn't think about them (much)
I still haven't let them stop over night with relatives(my oldest is nearly 4) but I've come to realise a bit of separation is definitely a good thing and if it brings you a bit of peace then good for you

MintChocAddict · 07/11/2016 21:06

Not weird at all. It's lovely to spend one on one time with just one child and for Dad to have time with a baby.
When DC2 was a few weeks old we went to a boozy wedding and left DCs with in laws. Probably wouldn't have done that with my first to be fair. Had a ball, got very drunk and had to rock up at the pharmacy for emergency contraception the next day complete with a newborn in a pram I still cringe now when I think about it, but don't think it had any long term effect on the baby!

Luluandizzy · 07/11/2016 21:08

Not at all. I think it's a pretty healthy sign of a relaxed mummy x

5moreminutes · 07/11/2016 21:12

Boom boom and others have you not noticed that almost every post says leaving the baby with his dad is not weird, and many posters are saying they did the same or would have

"I understand you but most MNers won't" is a bit redundant on a thread that is one post after another of people saying it's not weird

I find MN is far more heavily weighted towards people who will call you weird if you don't want to leave your baby - try posting that you really, really don't want to leave your baby but your sister is having a child free wedding and won't make an exception for a 4 month old, or your MIL wants you to attend her posh 70th birthday do and your parents could have your 8 week old but you can't stand to be parted and you'll be inundated with posts telling you to leave the baby and "enjoy yourself" (even if you've said you hate the idea) and flaming you as a "Mummy Martyr" if you say you really don't want to go / font want to go without your baby.

Neither being happy to be separated as long as baby is cared for nor hating to be separated from a very new baby are weird, but MN is in fact squewed towards criticising anyone who admits to not enjoying being away from their babies rather than the opposite.

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