Do you think you're a better parent than your parents were with you?

[DetentionGrrrl]

I think it's pretty common to hear people say that they will never say or do certain things that their parents did, but do you think you make a better parent than your parents were with you as a child?

I think i'm better than my Dad was (unapproachable, grumpy, not hands on, treated us like a hinderance) but not as good as my mother was (she is far more patient, and swears much less!)

Good grief... yes! My mother sort of withdrew from me when I started to have a mind of my own. I can't remember ever being cuddled except once when I was 10 and had a bad accident and nearly lost my hand.

That cuddle was so wonderful... I cuddle my DDs all the time, if they'll let me!

Hope so. Certainly different... My Mum is really strict and we were brought up as perfectly behaved daughters, which I think stifled us in so many ways. Creatively, confidence-wise, ability to stand up for ourselves etc. I really hope that I'm allowing my dd to be her own person. To know that there are many right answers, that I'm not always right but that I'll be honest with her.

I hope so!!

the scary thing is that our children will look back one day and reflect on us as parents and whether or not we did a good job!!!

Absolutly. I had really bad parents. My dad was violent and my mom didn't like looking after us. We were puished outside to play most of the day, then she would lock the door and watch soaps.

I love my daughter, I love playing with her and I make sure she gets as much love, attention and cuddles as possible.

ppb-that is lovely that you enjoy being a parent so much.

I was at a funeral recently and one of the daughters of the man who had died spoke so movingly about what a great father he had been...I felt quite sad that I don't have those sort of feelings about my parents - they were not bad parents in the sence that they didn't mistreat us (by the standards of the day at least) but emotionally distant I suppose....

sense!

0-12 - no my mum was fab. i too was fab but had horrific moments

12- forever- yes beat my mum hands down becuase
a) i am not insane clinically
b) i dont get embarrassed talking about sex and run for a book about periods

KTeePee-ditto

God I hope so! I'm trying anyway. I think it's a really good question DetentionGrrrl because I think it's really the only way to judge how well we are doing - because let's face it - one of the main anxieties about parenthood is that we never really know if we're doing a good job or not. Aspiring to be 'better than our parents' is at least a reasonable 'bench mark'. But I digress ... my mother was pretty miserable to live with .. although she tried her best. I think we owe it to our children to try and be reasonably cheerful and attentive although God it's hard sometimes .... and I suppose it's just a case of trying our best - and on the days when even that is impossible... to resolve to do better tomorrow. On the bright side: although we may have less help than our parents did - in the form of closer communities/living near close family - at least we are more open about parenting issues nowadays and more willing to admit our mistakes to our children. Sorry for long reply but it's a fascinating subject!

Yes. I talk.

Tiranog 'all parents do the best they can'

Sadly not true

"All parents do the best they can".

Erm, no - they don't.

If my mother had done the best she could, I would be a very different person and might be keener on being like her.

If doing the best she could meant beating seven bells out of me, calling me useless at every opportunity, never listening, never hugging me or showing me she cared, knocking every ounce of self-esteem out of me by the time I was 7 years old, never backing down or apologising if she made a mistake, and all the rest of the crap she put me through, then yes, she did her best. Somehow I can't quite see it that way.

I hope I am

noa-there are always exceptions and cases where that isn't true,but by and large I believe most parents do their best.

Yes I am better. And my sisters are better. Parents must have been doing something right, but they were certainly not doing their best.

My mother claims she did the best she could.Apparently she was too stressed all the time and couldn't deal with us. We were good kids as kids go. Watching soap operas and downing entire cakes just isn't a stressful life.

Do my lo's know that I love them? yes
Do I cuddle them daily? yes
Do I remember their birthdays? of course
Do they feel that they are in my way? no
Do I spend all my money on going out leaving nothing for them, including food? no

Nuff said.

ok,ok I take it back.I type before I think!

at this thread

Message withdrawn

I don't think I am a better parent, just different.

No, I know I am not a better parent than my parents.

Our children will be the judges.

However, what I have learnt over the 34 years that I have been a parent is that you will be wrong to certain extent in your childrens' eyes whatever you do.

It is natural to criticise your parents child-rearing methods when you yourself become a parent, as it it another way of being independent.

My SIL is just starting to find the truth of this out now that her 30-something daughter has had a child.
At a family event a few weeks ago, her daughter told her that she was a rubbish parent because she wouldn't let her have riding lessons when she was a child