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Original poster

I am an awful mother

54 replies

hideousmother · 01/02/2007 00:17

I am feeling awful because I know I am a pathetic excuse of a mother.
I don't want to be as awful as I am, but I am trying hard to keep on top form through very stressful situations & failing miserably.
I guess I am calling out for help on how to keep my cool & be the kind of mother I should be, regardless of whatever else is going on around me.
I don't want to cause extra stress to my children, that's my greatest fear - but I am not as patient as I should be & know I am being a terrible mother to my boys.
I just feel I cannot cope with things.

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tigermoth · 01/02/2007 07:54

hope you have better day. Perhaps you are setting too high standards for yourself at home? You work with children, you say - are you are applying the same standards of conduct to yourself outside work? IMO mothers are allowed to shout a bit at home - it goes with the territory.

tirnanog · 01/02/2007 08:06

sleep depravation can mean we are less able to cope in our daily lives[although,you sound like every mother,we all by times shout and run out of patience].Perhaps regarding being unable to sleep you could try some herbal sleep aides from a health shop and see if that helps.

Original poster
hideousmother · 01/02/2007 08:12

Have tablets, but sometimes they don't work.

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sunnywong · 01/02/2007 08:43

hideousmother
I sympathise with your situation.
I was lashing out at my kids recently due to strain and stress and I took the step to see my gp and get some low dose ADs, after a huge amount of support and advice from MN. Maybe this is an option for you?

Pitchounette · 01/02/2007 09:15

Message withdrawn

Pitchounette · 01/02/2007 09:16

Message withdrawn

DetentionGrrrl · 01/02/2007 09:26

and change your name, because you're not a hideous mother!

I was a right bitch yesterday with DS...today we have been playing and tickling and laughing. Lack of sleep is a terrible thing, and your situation sounds difficult to say the least.

Caribbeanqueen · 01/02/2007 09:39

hideousmother - are you who I think you are?

Original poster
Hideousmother · 01/02/2007 22:48

Have had a better day today & don't feel so horrible!
I can be an ok mum sometimes & then a blimmin awful mum at other times, when I feel I cannot cope.
Have been to the gp about my stress levels, but not about my parenting problems.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hideousmother · 01/02/2007 22:53

CQ - more than likely! I am useless at this aren't I??!!

OP posts:
Caribbeanqueen · 01/02/2007 22:54

No you are not useless, I just recognised your situation and a few of the words you use!

What's ths h situation atm?

Original poster
Hideousmother · 01/02/2007 23:08

I am obviously very transparant!!
Can't really talk on here atm about all that, CQ.

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Original poster
Hideousmother · 02/02/2007 08:16

Will mail you an update, CQ.

OP posts:
Caribbeanqueen · 02/02/2007 15:26

OK

Original poster
Hideousmother · 03/02/2007 16:34

Over the last two days I've felt more on top of things & not such a terrible mum, but today I'm struggling again.
Their father has been at the pub since mid-day & I have taken them out on their scooters & let them have a run along the beach, but since being home they have done nothing but argue, cry & bounce off the furniture!
I am feeling very stressed again. I wish I was a better mum, but I'm finding it all a bit of a struggle right now.

OP posts:
Tortington · 03/02/2007 16:41

why is he at pub?

Original poster
Hideousmother · 03/02/2007 16:45

He is always at the pub at weekends, custy. He meets his friends & plays cards. Often he goes there in the week too.
I know I need to get used to coping alone, as it will be like this most of the time soon.
Feel tired & stressed though.

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PeckaRolloverAgain · 03/02/2007 16:47

What kind of dad is he like when is around?

Im thinking that if a break up is inevitable you will at least get some me time when they go to see Dad for access?

Will he have access to them when you have split up?

I hope that doesnt sound very callous but when I broke up from my useless partner (DDs Dad) life suddenly got easier as I got more free time than I ever did before!

Original poster
Hideousmother · 03/02/2007 17:07

Yes he will have access to the boys & it may give me a little more me time, as atm he is often at the pub & I am left here with the children.
He alternates between being a hands on dad, who plays with them & takes them out, to being a horrible dad, shouting at them for next to nothing.
I don't drive, which restricts me a little when it comes to taking them places.
I just feel like I need them to go & play somewhere quietly for 2 minutes, just so I can calm myself right down & then I would probably feel back in control again, but that doesn't happen.
I know that sounds awful.

OP posts:
tirnanog · 03/02/2007 17:08

youare not a bad mum he is a bad father!

Original poster
Hideousmother · 03/02/2007 17:16

I am a bad mum because I don't feel I am coping great. They don't need a stressed mum atm - it's not fair on them.
It's just they can't play for 2 seconds without one of them screaming at the other or crying because they have been hurt.
Normal siblings I guess, but I just feel so drained & stressed that I end up losing it a bit.

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tirnanog · 03/02/2007 17:18

but they also have a mum that loves them.

Original poster
Hideousmother · 03/02/2007 17:19

I always feel awful after I shout & will apologise to them, telling them that mummy is just a bit tired & I shouldn't have got so cross.
Over the last 2 days I have felt so much more on top of things & now I am feeling an awful mum again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hideousmother · 03/02/2007 17:20

I love them to pieces & don't want to be like this.

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tirnanog · 03/02/2007 17:24

I don't know the background but do you have any friends or family that could help out and give you some time to yourself to re-charge the batteries.

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