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ANY OTHER FORCES WIVES OUT THERE?

635 replies

frenziednester · 29/01/2007 20:42

Just been chatting with 3andnomore on another thread and wondered if there are any more of us on mumsnet who would like a chat and a comforting moan? I am on my own atm - hubby away for 4 months, and would love to swap 'home alone with the kids' stories - good and bad, and also a good gossip about the other wives we are left with! A much safer outlet for frustration than the hive!

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GrannyMcShosha · 03/02/2007 17:14

No Xenia, Ive had two mindees with wives in Iraq while they were here with the kids. And A single girl who i looked after her little one in the week while GP had her at weekends as she was in Iraq for 4 months

3andnomore · 03/02/2007 17:14

McDreamy, so far I am o.k. but must admit that I have send some extra money on the Kids today to "ease" it for all of us...nothing major, mind, but they were allowed to pick some treats when out shopping and es is going to have 2 friends staying the night, etc...little things like that.
I shall have to try to keep busy and bore everyone on MN to pieces, lol!

Xenia, yes, sometimes there are the wifes in teh army and hubbies are wroking in civistry or are even,,,,gasp...SAHD...and, then tehre are those where both parents are in the army, which can be difficult, because they can end up posted at different places, whihc must be tough, or when both are due to go on a tour...!
Must say, dh being in the Army is one of the main reasons why I have been mainly a SAHM, as I feel at least one parent has to be easily "accessible" , but that is just my personal take.

saltire · 03/02/2007 17:14

It isn't just in the Army. There are several couples in teh RAF where the wife is the partner who is in the forces and is away, or in some cases both are.

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Judy1234 · 03/02/2007 17:15

funny how though it's often the women who leave not the men.... anyway a man away is better than no man at all as I have. And just a general comment we are so lucky these men (and some women ) are prepared to do this by the way.

bundle · 03/02/2007 17:15

the numbers of men/women are obviously quite different xenia, try googling gender and armed forces for tables on diff forces stats.

McDreamy · 03/02/2007 17:16

I have many RAF friends in this situation and I'm sure the Navy are the same

saltire · 03/02/2007 17:17

It's only ever the Army who get mentioned though, people forget there is an RAF and a Navy as well

GrannyMcShosha · 03/02/2007 17:18

I also had one family that he was Army and she was RAF, while they were here he was the main carer as she was in the states, on return, she got posted to Germany, and he stayed here, commuting when he can. It takes some work, but as I always say, If you ant stand the separations, Why the hell marry a soldier.

saltire · 03/02/2007 17:18

Why the name change shosha?

McDreamy · 03/02/2007 17:19

especially by the press don't you find Saltire!

saltire · 03/02/2007 17:21

Definately mcdreamy. Don't get me started"

McDreamy · 03/02/2007 17:21

I know what you are saying Sosha but I do think that although some girls know about the separations etc be fore they get married you don't realise how grim it can be until it actually happens. Promises of postings to Cyprus Germany or somewhere nice in the UK all sound very romantic but in real life it can be very different. Also I have found the world of a military wife SOOOO different from being in the military myself.

McDreamy · 03/02/2007 17:22

we'll leave it there eh?

GrannyMcShosha · 03/02/2007 17:22

Because the kids keep saying Im like Granny McMurrey and Grandaughter bet I wouldnt do it.

GrannyMcShosha · 03/02/2007 17:25

Maybe its that Ive been Military since I was born, McDreamy, it is just always been my lifestyle, married a civvie once, WHAT a disaster, couldn't cope with him there all the time. Plus he was a Twat. (excuse the language)

3andnomore · 03/02/2007 17:25

Shosha, yeah, when your partner/hubby/wife is in the forces, the other one has to be independent, otherwise it will kill you. BUt, of course we are still allowed to miss our loved ones, eh...would be weird if we wouldn't!
Xenia, I think the reason that females possibly leave the forces after having Kids, is as with any other job/career...I gave up mu Nursing career when having KIds...not really that different...but must say, I am glad that my wages wouldn't have made it worth us switching, i.e. him being a sahd and me a working mum...I think I would have hated that, lol....I am so not emanzipated, lol...

McDreamy · 03/02/2007 17:25
Grin
3andnomore · 03/02/2007 17:27

Lol...must admit, that is what I am dreading when dh retires from the army...although, as he is now attached to teh TA he does hahve a almost 9-5job a lot of the time, so, a good training run, lol!

McDreamy · 03/02/2007 17:27

One good thing about the detatchments is that it makes you re-evaluate your relationship, freshens it up for a bit and for a short period of time after they come back you stop taking each other for granted - but it soon goes back to normal

GrannyMcShosha · 03/02/2007 17:28

I do miss DH honest, but after 11 years of him being away 9 months of the year, I'm actually quite nervous of him getting out in 2009

booradley · 03/02/2007 17:38

Not read the whole of this thread - have signed up to the separate heading though.

DH is raf and whilst not away much this year (planned that is, he did come home last monday and say he was at warton for the rest of the week!), don't know what I'm going to do with dd when he does. She's 5 months, he's got 9 years left - do the math and he's bound to go away for quite alot of her life.
Up until 1 month ago he was away for a quarter of her life!

Okay griping over, TBH my health visitor has been great, she was civiy in germany and said that its like being a single parent - except with the added problem of dealing with parent coming and going all the time!

littlelapin · 03/02/2007 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Judy1234 · 03/02/2007 18:13

Good for her. I just don't think I would like to be in a position of loving someone who was away so much. It must be very hard. In fact when I'm in touch with possible men (I'm divorced) even if they just work abroad a lot it puts me off. I deliberately avoid it. It must be the adjustment and readjustment which is difficult - getting used to them being away and doing your own thing in your own way and then having them back and having to accommodate back to how they want things to some extent.

munz · 03/02/2007 18:47

3nomore - how long is DH away for? feel fee to come one here and moan etc and you mcd - we've all been there at some point - children or not and know how hard it is with DH's away. I'm the same as you, Dh and I wouldn't work if we were both in the army, and also I couldn't leave J I know that for a fact. at our last unit there was a mum&dad both in and they had to coordinate the courses/ex's etc so one was always at home. the parents were like passing ships thou must be just as hard for the adults in those circ as the LO's.

mcd - is it the start of a 6 month tour for you?

sal - I like to think that they all work together iycwim, without one of them the others wouldn't work as well - prob completely wrong but if it wasn't for the raf planes DH wouldn't have got to/from iraq iycwim. also a friends DH went to iraq on a navy boat to drop ammo off so it's all a big circle.

also totally agree with the independace thing - i'm real bad for it - and tbh when DH does go away esp when he went to iraq after the 6 months I was glad to see him don't get me wrong but I was also thinking but now i've got to do xyz with DH, and also little things like share the bed the dirty socks etc. after him home for 5 weeks on leave I was dying for him to go away on an ex so I could relax again! lol - in some ways it's just as hard for them to come back and fit into the routein as it is for them to go away - if that makes any sence?

they were raf. tbh that and the story about the aircraft crash are the only two I can think of recently - and the navy downsizing so to speak/dicommissioning a load of carriers etc. (sorry don't know the right term to use)

munz · 03/02/2007 18:48

ooh and whilst on my soap box not sure if anyoen else has found this, but my old hv had me down for an 'at risk' PND form our first meeting when J was 10 days old - her basis was i'm an army wife! I don't think mil wives are any more seseptable (sp) than those who arn't. it really annoyed me in a way that she wrote it off so quickly.