Would you be happy with your dcs living with an adult who had a severe eating disorder?

[CherryPicking]

I'm not happy about it personally, mainly because I was lied to by omission by my ex. He didn't inform me his new partner was affected in this way before he gained regular weekly overnight stays. Dcs are coming home talking about how both he and new partner "think they're fat but they're not" how they're "on a diet that's supposed to have ended but it's still going on". (New partner is stick thin). Youngest has been sticking his fingers down his throat til he's sick. What should I do? I can't break court order by not letting them stay with them. Do I have grounds to go back to court and try to change it? AIBU?

[CherryPicking]

spongebob are you calling the many people with ED who've advised me to trust my instincts and put my kids first ignorant? Do their experiences not count with you for some reason?

[dangermouseisace]

straight there are double standards- that is how it works.

E.g. I was in hospital over Christmas due to my severe MH problem. There was then a safeguarding investigation into how I cared for my children (fine as it panned out). If it was a physical problem then there wouldn't have been an investigation.

The key is INSIGHT. Nearly everyone with a physical problem has insight into their condition. Most people with MH problems do too. When people with MH problems lose/lack insight they are not able to see how their MH problem impacts on themselves/others…e.g. not know to hide unusual behaviours/ideas. Which sounds like it might be the case here.

[Bambamrubblesmum]

I thought that too Straight. There's an awful lot of ignorance being exhibited on here, for a supposedly intelligent forum... sad

Or actually a lot of experience shared that people have actually lived through and dealt with on a day-to-day basis rather than just waving the PC flag.

I find the dismissal of the experiences of ED survivors and their families quite disgusting in fact.

This illness has had a profound impact on our family and we are still picking up the pieces.

[CherryPicking]

Bambam I wish MN had a "like" button. Your post really sums things up for me.

[user7755]

Just gone back and revisited your OP.

To answer your questions; yes I'd be happy for the kids to stay with someone with an ED, if they said things about x&y think they're fat but they're not, I'd praise them for noticing that and explain that sometimes people get confused / ill and that's sad but the important thing is that they (the kids) recognise themselves that they are perfect and if they have any concerns they can speak to me.

Can't find the post where you say how old the youngest is but just stop him doing it with an explanation of why we don't do that.

Then keep the lines of communication open (with dcs and ex if possible

[EreniTheFrog]

OP please stop scratching the eyeballs out of everyone who disagrees with you. You came on here for confirmation of your pre-existing view, and are clearly intelligent enough to have anticipated that some of us would challenge you.

What's coming across increasingly strongly from your responses is how ANGRY you are. This has gone beyond concerns about people with EDs having a negative effect on your DCs. You just want to punish your ex, and have latched onto his DP's ED as a convenient rationale for your vengeance.

[YetAnotherHelenMumsnet]

Hi all,
We are receiving reports about this thread, but we are prepared to let it run as long as our guidelines are not being broken. We do wonder if it might better have been placed on another board, however, and are taking steps to move it. We hope that this will encourage the animosity to dissipate and for the OP to better pick through the advice she is receiving.

[GobblersKnob]

It's almost always hugely damaging for children to live with anyone who has mental health issues - ffs

[laidbackneko]

OP, as a recovering anorexic I really wanted to post and engage on this thread.
But your responses are hostile and scary to the point that I'm bracing myself for an attack reply already.

Assuming you've already tried to talk about your concerns with your ex, do you have any other mutual parties who might be able to mediate?

[CherryPicking]

Ereni your hyperbole is unbelievable. 'Scratching out eyeballs' - are you for real? No, I'm not angry. I'm defending my position. It is my understanding that in 2016 it is perfectly legal for a woman to do this on an internet forum.

MNHQ you can move it if you want - I expect those who prefer hyperbole to reasoned discussion of the facts will simply follow it tbh. I don't really mind. Bring it on.

[CherryPicking]

loopy see above. I give as good as I get, but I don't attack others. Perhaps MN isn't really the place for you if you're feeling very fragile.

[CherryPicking]

Could you please copy and paste any 'hostile and scary' posts because all I can see is a continued pattern of vitriol from others, and me countering that with my own arguments. Not sure what's wrong with that tbh. Again, it might be down to your own frame of mind.

[laidbackneko]

No cherry I'm not feeling fragile. Nor are you giving "as good as you get". You're being incredibly aggresive and hostile to some posters who actually do want to help.

[CherryPicking]

No loopy. I'm not. hth.

[CherryPicking]

Basically this is what happens in society when women start go speak up. People like in and say "you're angry!" And it's a well-known silencing tactic. Well this is my thread, this is my truth and I will not be quiet.

[laidbackneko]

You'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar

[PurpleDaisies]

Oh ffs this is not about you being silenced as a woman. We are all (I assume since no one has said otherwise) women on this thread. Yout responses have been aggressive and testy towards anyone that has dared to have a different opinion to you.

You obviously started this thread wanting confirmation that your point of view was correct. Fair enough but be upfront about it and stop being so rude towards people who disagree with you.

[NeedACleverNN]

Op, I understand you are angry.

Not only are you concerned about your children but you have been accused of trolling. Yes you are hurt and you are angry. Understandably so

However, you are ignoring everyone who has offered advice and shot down everyone who hasn't agreed with you. You do not know everything. If you did, you wouldn't have posted here. Please stop attacking everyone and listen to their advice.

Help yourself!

[CherryPicking]

purpledaisies I disagree. I think I've received many responses which in themselves were hostile and needlessly agressive, where posters have made irrational assumptions about my intentions and I've done my best to counter those. And that's OK.

[user7755]

Cherry, you really are talking absolute nonsense now. I don't believe that you genuinely can't see that your posts are aggressive and hostile, even when almost everyone is trying (both gently and more assertively) to point that out to you.

I think you want an argument for some reason and you don't care who that is with.

[CherryPicking]

clever I haven't ignored the advice from posters who were offering advice - but it is hard to spend much time answering those posts when people are continually dishing it out and expecting me to simply accept what they're saying as fact. Then accusing me of "anger" the great MN sin, apparently, when I tell them I don't agree. This is a discussion forum.

[CherryPicking]

user I'm really not bothered. Your intentions were clear from the moment you started posting. There are many posters on this thread who want a fight. I'm not one of them. I will continue to defend myself, my position and my children. And I don't care if people perceive that as being angry. It isn't.

[EreniTheFrog]

OP, calm down. You are doing yourself and your children no favours behaving in such an aggressive way towards those who are trying to help.

[user7755]

What do you think my intentions were?

[CherryPicking]

Not aggression, Ereni Legitimate debate. Are you seriously saying your "scratching out eyeballs'" comment was measured and calm?! Goodness, i wouldnt want to hear from you on a bad day, if that's the case. Why are you holding me to standards you don't compy with yourself?