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Original poster

suspect MIL has give bf DD formula

138 replies

s098 · 09/07/2016 21:26

Sorry for the rant but need to get it out!
Yesterday me and my OH had a day out and left our nearly 6 month old Dd with OH's mum. She's always made hints about me changing to formula from breastfeeding and always hint s about lookimg after dd more when shes on solids/ formula.
We were gone from about 9.30 am till 5pm and MIL made out like dd had been unsettled due to teething ( which is probably true) but that she didn't want much milk. I thought there was still alot of the expressed milk left when we picked dd up ( she had probably had one feeds worth!!) amd today she hasn't pooed at all which is very unlike her, its normally atleast twice a day! I've also noticed the bottle she'd used is greasy inside which has never happened with the breastmilk.
Now sat here feeling really annoyed if she has done that, she's got no reason to to it. Dd is happy on breastmilk and its my choice when i change to formula!
What would everyone else do in this situation? There's no way i cam prove anything but im pretty certain! MIL also gave her grandson a dummy when his parents are against them so this adds to my suspicion!

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Alfieisnoisy · 10/07/2016 08:15

Tbh it sounds like your baby was unsettled due to teething and didn't feed much as a result. If her mouth feels sore then feeding won't be a comfort. This would explain no poop today as she has taken little food in.

It doesn't sound like she has had formula.

Alfieisnoisy · 10/07/2016 08:16

...and formula definitely doesn't leave a bottle feeling greasy. I had to formula feed and can tell you from experience that it doesn't.

Original poster

s098 · 10/07/2016 08:20

Of course i didn't make her i wasmaking a point! Its not like I've dumped her on her everyday and shes being used as a free nursery.

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SirChenjin · 10/07/2016 08:34

OP - the only way you'll know for sure is to ask her why only 1 feed was given. It's a perfectly reasonable question esp given the poo issue.

MN can only speculate (and quote random bits of your posts for what purpose is anyone's guess...) - and the thread will go round and round in circles as a result

strawberrybubblegum · 10/07/2016 08:35

Please don't accuse her, or restrict her access to your DD over such a flimsy reason (doesn't really match the evidence, and honestly wouldn't be the end of the world if she had).

A strong, happy relationship with a loving grandmother is a truly wonderful gift for your DD. Not so much now - when it's just childcare that you could easily pay for. But as your DD gets older, she will gain so much: a different view of the world, grandma's endless patience playing games which you can't face doing again, gentle spoiling (the occasional break from parental rules is as important as those rules being there!), a confidante who knows and loves her so well but is a little removed from the immediate family, a sense of belonging to a wider family.

You'll also still get emergency childcare, which is incredibly useful! But that is absolutely the least of it. Don't take that away from your daughter.

user7755 · 10/07/2016 08:36

But you don't actually know anything do you? You suspect something based on two very spurious pieces of 'evidence'.

You sound a little bit (tries to think of a nice word for paranoid), I think you need more evidence before making your mind up either way tbh.

peggyundercrackers · 10/07/2016 08:36

So do you think your MIL went out and bought a tub of formula just to give your DD when you were out?

It just sounds like she didn't wash bottle but just gave it a rinse. Nappies won't tell you anything given she is getting fruit pots as well. It's more likely MIl gave her more fruit pot and less milk and that's why she didn't take more.

You sound a bit precious tbh...

43percentburnt · 10/07/2016 08:37

S098 I don't think you being pfb as others have suggested. I would want to know (and I'm on baby number 3 and 4). Why doesn't your DH want to ask her?

Yes grandparents are important but this one has a history of undermining her children's decisions - the dummy. Tbh I wouldn't leave dd unaccompanied with her again regardless of how much Mil says she wants to look after her alone - I couldn't be arsed with the stress. I'd have no issue with sweets for older children or even giving your dd a purée (if that's what you are doing) but, Imo, there is no reason whatsoever to give your dd formula.

SirChenjin · 10/07/2016 08:41

What is with this ridiculous 'precious' word - I have never heard it used in RL yet it's bandied about on MN as some sort of put down with regularity. What does it even mean??

Hellothereitsme · 10/07/2016 08:44

I think you were unreasonable to leave a very young baby for that length of time. And then you complain about it. That is a long time to leave a teething baby. Not sure I would want to look after a baby for so many hours and I've brought up my own kids. You are acting like a selfish child looking for a fight with someone that kindly looked after your baby for free so that you and your H could spend some quality time together. Move on.

53rdAndBird · 10/07/2016 08:47

I think you were unreasonable to leave a very young baby for that length of time

SirChenjin · 10/07/2016 08:50

Hell. The posts are getting to the ridiculous stage now.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/07/2016 08:52

43 you sound quite precious yourself, Yes I would use a dummy if the baby was crying and crying and unable to settle despite my best efforts, when you place your baby in somebodies care, you place your trust that they will look after your baby well and do the best they can. If you don't trust them, don't have them look after the baby, its a shame as the grandma does not sound bad or toxic. Pick your battles, if she had driven the baby without a car seat for example, that would be dangerous.

Op has no evidence that granny gave formula, all speculation, poor grandparents can't do right from wrong sometimes. Op has an otherwise good relationship with her, so don't spoil it. Yes ask your dh if she has given formula, as she hasen't pooed in a while and just wandering if she had any formula. But if she did, what are you going to do? Its your dh decision as well as yours, you are both his parents, not just you.

SirChenjin · 10/07/2016 08:56

Exactly Aero - ask the question. If the MIL did go and buy formula and chose to ignore and undermine the OP then she can decide what she wants to do in future. Forearmed and all that.

Original poster

s098 · 10/07/2016 09:00

Wow some nice people on here!!,
I nearly cried leaving her on friday so I'm hardly some heartless cow that leaves their baby every weekend to and get pissed
I've left her 3 times in almost 6 months fora few hours!
If i was looking for a fight id of gone for one as soon as i thought thats what she had done!

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 10/07/2016 09:01

I have to agree thread has gone a bit hysterical the op is not precious for worrying about her baby and she doesnt get freechilcare and dumped her dd granny was babysitting if Sirchenjin wants precious banned i want free childcare banned 😀

SirChenjin · 10/07/2016 09:07

I have now officially banned 'free childcare' for you MrsJayy

s098 - if I were you I would hide this thread and have a think abut what you want to do anow you want to hand le thinge - wit hour the dubious benefit of MN. Some people on here seem to be under the impression that it's AIBU and it's starting to get downright bitchy sadly.

milkyface · 10/07/2016 09:10

'm glad to see that I'm not the only person that finds it bad that she would do this. And i am definitely not being precious but if someone looks after your baby you expect them to do it in the same way you would, the same as she expected me to follow her instructions for when we looked after her dog!

As for us getting free childcare so she cam do what she likes?! She always goes on about having dd overnight etc when shes weaned and is trying to get me to go back to college one day a week so she can have her so i don't think she feels like she has to have her and it is not a regular thing

But you don't even know if she's done it! You're basing this on a greasy bottle? Formula is not greasy at all. If anything I would say breastmilk is more greasy.

If you're so bothered, ask her.

If you can't trust her to look after your child, don't ask her to baby sit.

peggyundercrackers · 10/07/2016 09:12

Sirchengin I mean precious as in OP to me is too what she wants for her child. She left her DD with someone who is a mother herself and an adult - MIl knows how to look after a child - she had one herself. Why does OP think a grown woman who has seen the child sometimes daily if not weekly would need instructions on what to give her child?

When I give my kids to my mum or MIL I don't leave any instructions for food or drink or what they need to do - these people are adults and mothers themselves and know what they need to do. I don't really care what they feed or give my kids to drink because even if it's stuff I wouldn't normally give them it's one or two snacks in a week they would not get otherwise - it isn't going to do them any harm whatsoever if they get something I wouldn't give them - I'm not precious about what they get to eat or drink or do when they are with other people - as long as they are fed, watered and happy the detail matters not one jot!

MeMySonAndl · 10/07/2016 09:13

Good grief. I have never seen a bottle getting a greasy feel even after leaving it with formula for several hours, but I have seen that with everything that had breastmilk and was left out of the fridge for a while.

Formula tastes like metal, I would be very surprised if any baby, especially a teething one would have agreed to take it if it had not been gradually introduced over several days. It tastes vile.

I would say that is more likely that your baby refused the breastmilk and your MIL didn't wash the bottle for a while.

SteveArnottsLoverPlease · 10/07/2016 09:16

OP yanbu if it is correct that she gave your baby formula against your wishes but your evidence is a little sketchy. Don't burn your bridges with her since she is clearly an important part of your baby's life and will provide childcare. I know what it's like when you have a bit of animosity with PIL, I'm the same with mine and I have been known to negatively and wrongly pre-judge something they would say or do based on my own preconceptions of them. Try to keep an open, rational mind when it comes to MIL but be very clear about what you want/don't want. Good luck with the weaning - we are just beginning that with our baby too.

Since the thread seems to be going off topic anyway, can I ask all these people with non-greasy bottles how the hell the manage that? DC is combination fed and his bottles are always greasy from formula. Always! Drives me mad and I even bought special 'bottle cleaner' liquid from NUK to be used alongside Fairy in an attempt to get rid. Is Fairy not the best washing up liquid?

SirChenjin · 10/07/2016 09:17

Peggy what on earth are you on about? The OP hasn't left instructions, breastfeeding milk isn't an instruction - it's the way the baby is fed.

Precious is such a stupid, meaningless word.

Original poster

s098 · 10/07/2016 09:20

Yes its all gone a bit away from the issue SirChenjin! And yes 'free childcare' should be banned and I'm sure even the ones accusing me of having this free service will have asked a family member to babysit for a short time now and then
I might just ask her if dd pooed while she was there (as she still hasn't been which is really unlike her and unless she pooed when she was with MIL she's not been since friday am ) then go from there. I dontwwant to accuse her or be a bitch despite what people on here seem to think but its my job to worry about my child and if i think something isn't right then I'll try amd work out why.

OP posts:

Original poster

s098 · 10/07/2016 09:23

Amd i didnt leave loads of instructions just roughly when she has her puree!

OP posts:

SirChenjin · 10/07/2016 09:24

You're absolutely right to take that approach

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