suspect MIL has give bf DD formula

[s098]

Sorry for the rant but need to get it out!
Yesterday me and my OH had a day out and left our nearly 6 month old Dd with OH's mum. She's always made hints about me changing to formula from breastfeeding and always hint s about lookimg after dd more when shes on solids/ formula.
We were gone from about 9.30 am till 5pm and MIL made out like dd had been unsettled due to teething ( which is probably true) but that she didn't want much milk. I thought there was still alot of the expressed milk left when we picked dd up ( she had probably had one feeds worth!!) amd today she hasn't pooed at all which is very unlike her, its normally atleast twice a day! I've also noticed the bottle she'd used is greasy inside which has never happened with the breastmilk.
Now sat here feeling really annoyed if she has done that, she's got no reason to to it. Dd is happy on breastmilk and its my choice when i change to formula!
What would everyone else do in this situation? There's no way i cam prove anything but im pretty certain! MIL also gave her grandson a dummy when his parents are against them so this adds to my suspicion!

If only about 1 feeds worth of milk has been used, then either she's only tried one feed, or been offering the same bottle the whole time op has been gone, or maybe given formula.

DS1 wouldn't take much ebm throughout the day when he was with MIL, but she still made up each bottle when he got hungry (or he would be due a feed). The ebm I left would all be gone when I got home, even if he only had an ounce or two each feed, because she'd ditch the leftovers and make fresh bottles each time.

Op's MIL has already given a dummy to her DGS against parents wishes, and keeps pushing her point about formula, so to me it wouldn't be a stab in the dark to imagine she may have tried to give formula. The greasy bottle isn't proof of that however. I found that BM made bottles greasy if they weren't washed in hot, soapy water pretty much straight away.

I would at least ask why only 1 feeds worth of milk has been used in all that time. May turn out to be that she's offered the same bottle again and again, and been refused each time.

Just ask her if it's bothering you that much. Lying to trying to trap her into 'admitting' she gave f is just as dishonest. The greasy bottle thing is irrelevant plus she'd already said she hadn't taken much milk anyway, hence not filling her nappy; isn't she more like to have pooed if she'd had f?

i agree with the PP who said that is she was being sneaky then she surely would have poured away the same amount of breastmilk.

I also think the OP is being a bit precious.

And I speak as a mother of two children who have never had a drop of formula in their lives.

While I would see the point and be angry if it was a 4 week old baby, bu 6 months most babies are eating solids anyway, so a bottle of formula is not going to do any harm, if you are concerned about virgin gut/leaky gut.

OP did get 8 hours of free childcare. Grandparents are often known to do such things , whether giving babies chocolate/weak tea/ allowing them to nap at the wrong time . Often done with loving intentions, to spoil/baby looks tired/belief in formula.
Grandparents who provide free childcare are not professionals, and will sometimes like to do things their own way.
If the OP wants someone to stick rigidly to her rules then she has to pay.

I ff both my babies (bottles bever looked greasy) and have no local family to ever help out (nearest GPs 200 miles away, my mum 270 miles away). The first hasn't hurt them, and the second is really hard. I'd think very carefully before potentially upsetting your MIL on flimsy evidence.

I would let it go. You can't prove anything and it is putting up barriers for the future. Lack of pooing is because she hasn't had enough fluids. I would be more concerned with the fact that she could be dehydrated. If you really want to push it I would use that as your reason.
Was she able to give her water? You're concerned that she is dehydrated.
If she asks about the BF again say you think you will stop before she goes to nursery.
If you are that untrustworthy don't leave the baby with her. Simples!

OP in the great scheme of things is this a huge deal?

I had no family at all to look after my infants, you and OH had a nice day out.

I'm glad to see that I'm not the only person that finds it bad that she would do this. And i am definitely not being precious but if someone looks after your baby you expect them to do it in the same way you would, the same as she expected me to follow her instructions for when we looked after her dog!

As for us getting free childcare so she cam do what she likes?! She always goes on about having dd overnight etc when shes weaned and is trying to get me to go back to college one day a week so she can have her so i don't think she feels like she has to have her and it is not a regular thing

I really wouldn't be ringing saying the baby is ill and a doctor needs to know. That will cause a huge amount of upset and guilt to grandmother especially if she actually hasn't given formula and there is nothing wrong with the child. That's a big lie that could really cause an rift between them. The evidence is pretty weak to me. Have you ever seen formula at their place? They would have to have been out and bought formula specifically to do this for one afternoon, seems a bit extreme. And by not telling you it's not like you would see the light and suddenly change the way you feed. I would let it go, and then see what happens next time she looks after the baby. If a pattern emerges, then you can honestly say "when she's come back from yours she's been constipated, just wonder what she's eaten/drunk their so we can maybe eliminate that from her diet for now"

Just ask her then or get DH to, No point getting all in a tiz over something that may not have been done. Sounds like she wants to be part of your DC's life so best to sort it out early on

It sounds like you don't trust her so no matter what'd actually happened you don't need to leave your baby with her, I just wouldn't be doing it again.

I think it's really quite paranoid to jump straight to your MIL secretly giving her formula just because a baby had less milk than normal and a bottle wasn't washed right...

Nothing but flimsy circumstantial evidence.

Also, I formula fed my daughter. Never had a greasy bottle.

Just looks like someone doesn't like the MIL!

Well yes she should respect your wishes but she has just done 7 and a half hours of childcare for an unsettled baby. I presume for free whilst you and your husband went out.
That's actually a lot of childcare. If I'd had a family member willing to help that much I think I'd be more grateful than looking to find out what she might or might not have done exactly as you wanted.
Are you prepared to pay for childcare or no longer go out as a couple as you need to look after your baby yourselves?

I think a lot of people agree it would be bad if she did it, but the actual evidence for having done it is very, very slim.
A greasy bottle when everyone has told you they've never had a greasy bottle with formula (more likely with EBM).
Only one feed when it's very common that a BF baby will take much less from a bottle and not from their usual care giver.
Baby hasn't done a poo when that's common when a baby has just started weaning.

If i didn't like her i wouldn't leave dd with her at all! I've already said we get on fine
The bottle wasn't washed it was on the table when we got there then she might of rinsed it when we were getting her stuff packed away. The other bottle and container id put milk in are not greasy

Sounds like she just gave it a quick rinse rather than a proper wash and that's why it's greasy.

Op you are accusing her with no evidence that she has, in the grand scheme of life it's no biggie. She looked after your baby nicely for you, so what if she did give her grandson a dummy when he was in her care. It was probably the last resort if he he was crying for a long time, I would much rather a calm baby with a dummy in its mouth than a crying distressed baby that cannot rest. Pick your battles as they say! You might need her help in the future, so don't shoot your self in the foot.

We very rarely go out and leave her. Its only been a couple of hours twice before its not like I've gone back to work and made her look after her everyday

Can you just outright ask her? Or say: the baby hasn't pooed for ages, it's quite unlike her, did she eat/drink anything different with you?

If you rarely leave her it's even more likely that was just unsettled and didn't want much milk. You have nothing to compare it to in terms of the amount consumed from a bottle in 8 hours if you've never left her for that period before.

My BF baby wouldn't take more than an oz from a bottle at that age.

I too would be terribly upset if I though my Mum or Mil had given my baby formula instead of expressed milk. That said however I'm not sure that you really have grounds for the suspicion.

The first time I left my twins (with their Dad) they were 4 months old. My DS took the expressed milk from the bottle. My DD absolutely refused to take anything at all until I returned. She didn't scream, she just clamped her little mouth shut and looked scornfully at the bottle.

Your baby may just not have wanted bottled milk.

For the sake of a future relationship with your MIL, and to not have a row with your OH, can I strongly suggest you do not talk to her about this.

You have your doubts, that is all. To pursue this on nothing more than a suspicion is a rocky road.

Formula does not leave bottles greasy. It just doesn't.

Your child is teething. That makes them not want food, and they can eat far less because of it.

Your child was in a new place, that can make them unsettled, and they can eat less.

When they eat less, they poo less.

Yes your child may nave been given formula, but the situations above may also have happened.

We were minding DHs niece recently. She came with a whole list of when she eats, how much she eats, when she sleeps, and we were warned that she poos a lot. Being with us was enough to throw her all off. She hardly had any milk at all, slept at completely different times to what we had been told to expect, and only had one tiny poo. We did a great job minding her, but just because she didn't stick to the plan, doesn't mean we fed her formula either.

Other than your MIL having been an advocate of formula previously, you have no proof of anything, and you could unleash all manner of trouble on the back of a feeling.

"and made her look after her everyday"
Did you make her look after your baby or did you ask her if she wanted to?