Is it me or is it highly irritating when playdates...

[emkana]

...are difficult about food.

dd2 had friend here for lunch. I had put a sandwich and some cucumber on her plate.

"I don't like cucumber."
says friend.

"Okay" says I "what about cherry tomatoes?"
"I don't like cherry tomatoes."

"What about apple?"
"I don't like apple."

"What do you like then, what can I get you?"
Silence....

I had some vegetable soup and she asked if she could have some. Yes of course I said, put some in bowl for her. She poked around it. "What's the yellow stuff?" "Sweetcorn." "What's those lumps?" "Potato." She put some in her mouth then spat it out again... and declared she didn't want it.

Grrr.

not at this stage with ds yet but i would probably check with parents before hand what they will eat, then if they don't eat it they wouldn't get anything else.

not a mug greensleves just a much nicer person than me!

greensleeves
if i have guest child or adult i usually ask in advance or make something spontaneous after asking what they like..
dinner is dinner..take it or leave it..i will offer bread, rolls. crackers...
childor adult..

I would only provide an alternative if it wass something they didn't like. But I always ask in advance, and if I have an idea of what I will cook I will check with parent anyway. If I gave in to child visitors it would send the wrong message to DD.

oati - so long as I knew in advance I woud always do my very best to meet a requirement like that. Infact i think we actually have a couple of plates still in the house which divide the food into sections - so perfect!

This thread has upset me more than any thread of this type on MN ever. Comments about 'letting them starve' 'terrible kids with terrible parents' 'let them eat crap' all that sort of thing.

I dread ds1 being offered food at friends' houses. Bearing in mind he doesn't eat any meat except mince, or fish fingers, won't eat any sort of potato, doesn't like pizza, spaghetti bolognese - any of those options - what he's left with is plain pasta with cheese, garlic bread (which fortunately he wolfs down!), shepherds pie (as long as it doesn't have veggies in it), beans on toast, cheese on toast. That's about it.

This thread has just made me feel very tearful and upset about his eating and nutrition - it is so f*ing not true that a child that is hungry will eat. This is the child who spent half a term in reception looking at school dinners and not eating a bite. Despite being starving hungry. He is universally fussy - he likes very few cakes/biscuits - the only biscuits he likes are jammy dodgers, and if offered something different will always refuse.

Saying 'he must try something of everything' - well this would make him hysterical and probably physically sick. So if that's what a nice end to a playdate for ds1 would be, go ahead. I think he has a very overactive sense of smell and taste, as he can smell if I hide food in something else.

And it isn't the way I've brought him up. Dd eats everything put in front of her, including very spicy curries, all manner of fruit and veg. Ds1 was awful about food from the day he was born.

Don't judge me on what my child eats at your house. I'm really very upset about this, and I don't think that's ever happened on a MN thread like this before.

in which case you talk to the parent hosting the playdate up front and tell them what your child will eat

Twiglett, I do, it's just the attitude of people on here that I'm a terrible mother because of my ds1's diet. Believe me, I beat myself up about it the whole time, I don't need people on here doing it for me. Generally mums have been fine on playdates, and have found something he can eat, and I do say, don't make a fuss, he can always go hungry.

tortoiseshell - don't be upset - my ds1 is quite like yours -that's why I posted earlier in the face of all the other comments .

My ds1 regularly goes on playdates and refuses to eat - I just feed him when he comes home.

I too have a normal eating other child ( ds2) so I refuse to blame myself.

Ds1 is now 7 and I still haven't seen light at the end of the tunnel - but what the heck - I can feed him a balanced diet if I stick to a narrow range of options and he's a healthy little boy ( he's not that little he's 7)

tortoiseSHELL - so long as I know in advance I have no problems trying to provide something a child with specific needs/likes will like or at least try. I just don't provide lots of alternatives if they won't eat the meal I have prepared AFTER speaking to their parents.

I am very lucky eating wise with DD. I know friends who have many more problems with their children regarding food - and I know it is not because they are doing soemthing wrong/giving in/being too soft, etc.

BUT they're patently not talking about YOU tortoiseshell .. you're just personalising it because its your main area of worry regarding your DS

Like most people posting on here having the 'normal eaters' int their minds when they comment generally .. I also know a couple of incredibly picky eaters and I'll make a point of giving them what I know they'll eat because then it isn't worth the hassle

Please don't take it to heart ...

I'm with Greensleeves on this. Any guest in my house - small or large, should feel welcome & looked after. I would never force an adult to eat or try food they don't like - so I'm not going to do the same to a child. I ask the parent in advance and child doesn't like the food, I'll offer them a sarnie or even just bread & butter.
I'm not running a cafe, but being kind to a guest is something I feel strongly about.

don't be upset tortoiseshell

if its any consolation I thought this thread was a bit borderline too

also think its a bit mean and unfriendly to be so uncompromising on what you serve to playdates, they are only children after all

dd1 has a friend who only eats jam sandwiches when she comes round. I think its quite sweet. She's a lovely girl and I am sure she'll grow out of it.

tortoiseshell, please don't be upset. I know from one of ds's classmates that children's food preferences can be related to diet at home...or they can be entirely unrelated. The "worst" young diner I have ever met comes from a home where really delicious home-cooked stuff is served every night.
If he is coming round, we have food we know he will eat plus some extra stuff for the dcs. I know the issue has caused his family much heartache so big sympathies from me (and yes, his younger sibling, identically reared, is a four-square well-padded gannet).
Otherwise we do picnic style food, as soapy and others suggest here. Something for everyone with plenty of good stuff in there.

DS simply WON'T eat cheese .. just won't .. any type

until he's at a friend's house of course and I've pre-warned them he won't eat cheese .. then he only goes and helps himself to grated cheese doesn't he

little bugger

I would do a picnic tea as mentioned earlier, we do this most Saturday's as my two have usually filled up on, er, other things (ie crisp bribes round the shops) in the day and are not too hungry

I have one fussy one dd1 and dd2 would eat anything, so all children are different imo

I'm amazed that no-one has said "don't feed them then"- honestly! My dd's best friend usually comes round on a Sunday afternoon after lunch and stays a couple of hours, so home in time for tea! They get a snack- carton of fruit juice each (organic, naturally)and a homemade biscuit/ cheese straw. They're quite happy!

dont feed them?

surely the whole point of playdates/parties is that you dont have to do a meal for them when they get back (PLEASE NOTE parents who do parties from 10-12 on a Sunday and dont do a proper lunch )

tortoishell I made the 'terrible kids and terrible parents' comment but if you read it it wasn't meant how you took it at all. I am completely sympathetic to kids who don't eat, please read my posts again, I really don't want something I have posted to be taken out of context and had no intention of causing anyone any upset

Thank you! I AM sensitive about this twiglett, because I know how utterly crappy ds1 is about food, and it is an area of concern, and I would just hate to be judged on it.

Quadrophenia - I'm sure it was out of context, just I'm very twitchy about this sort of thing, and phrases jump out the screen at me!

I was a terrible eater as a child my mum lived by the theory that if I was hungry I would eat, she is a fabulous mum and I don't like to bad mouth her but I did suffer. I remember my heart literally sinking as i walked in the house and saw what was for dinner, I used to retch at Shepards pie, the most evil combination in my book, hated mash and mince so yuk. Consequently I am hugely sympathetic to anyone who has problems with their kids, particulalry my friend whose child won't eat food thats touching (this is one of many food issues), she struggles so much. My original posting on this thread were to counter the 'isn't it terrible' postings.

Sorry, clicked post too soon, marina, I'm sure you're right that lots of fussy eating is home based, and some isn't. I really hope ds1 isn't as a result of anything I've done, dd is definitely a 'four-square well-padded gannet', Enid - your house always sounds so nice and welcoming, I bet your dds' friends have lovely playdates.

I have identical twins, one is a veg monster the other really won't eat any, but I'll keep serving it in the hope that one day....

TortoiseSHELL, my DS sounds similar to yours (although he likes different foods to yours) but he just would not eat something he was unfamiliar with and he would be hysterical if told he had to try a bit of everything if he was no familiar with it or did not like it, and for that reason he only goes to tea at friends houses that I know will a) not bully him into eating their food and b) will not bat an eyelid if he does not eat what they have cooked even if they have cooked something he likes

DS is one of those people that sometimes eats a lot and sometimes eats very little and if he is just not hungry you couldn't tempt him even with chocolate icecream!

ARRrrgggggggggggghhhh Some of the comments on this thread make me so angry. I was a very 'fussy' eater when I was a child. Even that word implies that the child is being difficult. Maybe they just DON'T LIKE IT. I used to love going to friend's houses and DREAD (and I do mean dread) meal times as invariably they would serve up something I didn't like. I was an extremely polite and well behaved child (well I was!) and it was awful having to say to a mum 'sorry, I don't like that'. I would always check what a child did or didn't eat before they came over to be in my care rather than complaining if they didn't like whatever gatronomic delight I served up.