Why why WHY do my kids do this?!!

[NoCapes]

And how do I make it stop?!

Every single BASTARDING night we have this!

They're 4 & 6, bedtime has always been a nightmare, particularly the 6 year old. In the past I've been known to still be sitting on his bedroom floor at 2am (from 7pm) sometimes with him still awake.
The 4 year old has on the whole been pretty good, but then of course started copying her brother.

Things got better for a while, then within the last 12/18 months or so we've been on a downward spiral and I'm about at breaking point.

They go to bed fine, 4 year old goes first; story, milk, kisses, goodnight. Then the same for the 6 year old, all lovely.
Then it begins.
Up, down, in and out of each other's bedrooms, shouting down the stairs oh God the shouting down the stairs - "they need water they need a wee they need a poo they need their in-haler they need a teddy they need a different teddy DS is shouting DD is shouting" and on and on and on...

But the worst part is - they need a response!
So it's "I'm going to the toilet!...Mum! I'm going to the toilet! Muuuuum I'm having a wee! Muuuuum! Mum! Mum! Mum!"
WHY!?!?!?! Just go to the fucking toilet!!!!! No-one cares!!!!!!!!!

We have a new baby and I'm constantly waking him up just shouting "shush" up the stairs! It is a fucking joke!!

I am seriously at the end of my tether and by about 9:20 tonight I was half way out of the door!
Someone please help me?!!

We cracked bedtime with a fixed routine (undressed, pyjamas on, toilet, wash hands, clean teeth, bed), a water bottle next to their bed, and a goodnight routine.

DH always goes in to them, prays for them (optional), then says "where are you going to be?" ("In my bedroom") "and where is Daddy going to be?" ("In your bedroom").

It's been a few years since he actually stayed in our bedroom now (they are 10, 8 and 6) but nobody acknowledges that he's actually downstairs!

Silvergiraffe that pennies idea is genius. Wish I'd thought of it. It might just have worked with my two. FWIW we had a routine from the day they were born. Bath, PJs, cuddles, milk, lullabies/stories when they got older, prayers. Made no difference. They were up and down those stairs for hours every single night for years.

With regards to the in-halers, DS has never taken it without me (or another adult) present, of course I keep track of when he's taking medication!
But I like him to know where it is and be able to reach it just in case. In case of what I'm not sure, but imagine if he desperately needed it and for whatever reason or another he couldn't get to it - not a situation I'd like to ever arise.
And I'm not sure if you have experience with them or if it's not the case with everyone but in our experience asthma attacks are loud! I could never not hear one going on.

Lots of great advice on here, haven't had a chance to properly digest it all yet so I'll be back, just wanted to clear that up.
Wish I'd never mentioned the in-haler now!

My DS has his inhaler next to his bed. He's never had to use it (fingers crossed) but it's there just in case. I would wake up if he farts, tbh!

Keep on keeping in; you're doing amazingly well! This parenthood lark is hard enough, with limited down time it's tortuous!

Keeping ON!!!!

Thankyou Shark

If it makes you feel better we had a bouncy bed time tonight because his FUCKING STAR WARS WATCH kept coming off.

In the end I put it on his koala teddy.

Bastard.

A bouncy bedtime ha I love that description! Makes it sound much less soul destroying than it actually is at least

We actually had a very successful night tonight after a very firm chat before bedtime and the confiscation of a toy after the first shout ( I physically took the you and a box into her bedroom so she could see the punishment instead of it being just words)
So I'm feeling a bit smug and a bit lost tonight

The you? The toy*

We've introduced, with spectacular success, a star chart for dd (nearly 4) specifically for going to bed without fuss and not incessantly calling us back to say she "just needs to tell us something". The rewards are pretty decent - she gets to choose a medium sized toy (a My Little Pony or a Ninja Turtle or something of that magnitude) for every 28 stars. So it is a moderate investment on our part. But she was just driving us mad!
We also allow her to have a torch in bed, and she can do something like look at a book, etcha sketch, play with a bit of play-dough or do stickers, until she falls asleep. Stickers is her current favourite - her bed is absolutely coated with the things.

Bouncy is code for 'cocking nightmare' amongst my similarly inflicted friends!

Seriously: you are doing far better than you feel you may be right now, because you care about it.

If you see some of my threads from just a few years ago on sleep, I was two steps away from some sort of 'bouncy' episode due to sleep deprivation/child related chaos.

Kids are hard work. Cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourself. You sound like a fab mum.

This too shall pass!

Nice one lovely! Same here! I'm broke but we're seeing results too.

A pound a sticker here!

I have near enough the exact same thing here!! Mines are 3 & 1 & they drive me up the wall at bedtime! In out up down, trying to sneakily run into the bathroom or my bedroom so I don't hear the footsteps from downstairs until it's too late. But mine pull a different stunt, they will eventually give it at say 10/11pm, I will get all comfy cosy in my own bed & just as I'm drifting off creeeeek* 'mum I need a cuddle' 'mum can I stay in ur bed' 'more milk' then the palava begins again!!

Of course they do it, if you've indulged thus behaviour for years!
Seriously does none just tell them to shut the hell up and they're banned from Xbox or tv or whatever they're into if they don't quit messing immediately?

Ziggyfartdust that may work for you but it Definately doesn't work in this house hold. If I threaten my 3yr old with anything it just makes it a whole lot worse, right now my favourites are 'no holiday' & 'no visiting nanas house' they mostly work wonders during the day but even they don't work at bedtime.

Oh 1fedup that is devastating! Just when you think it's over!

Ziggy believe me this behaviour has never been 'indulged' they have missed out on a whole host of fun things and treats during all this nonsense - and as with 1fedup it seems there is no threat big enough that's worth staying in bed for!

Relating to his asthma and as you say your six year old is worse then your 4 year old. He's not on any other medication is he by any chance?

If it's be only on inhalers.

If the inhaler is accessible at all times, how do you know they are not using it inappropriately?

You should not keep the inhaler where they can reach it.

You are the one who should administer it, always. A six year old is too young to be allowed to use it himself and to have it accessible, even for emergencies. You should always be alert and always prepared to deal with an attack.

If you can always hear an asthma attack there is no need to have it accessible to him. You should get up and administer the medication just as you would administer antibiotics or cold medicine, and monitor the asthma symptoms as they (hopefully) subside, and side effects of the inhaler if there are any.

If one of the things being shouted out is 'Mum, I need my inhaler' then maybe you miss some of the noise associated with an attack? Maybe you just hear an attack when it is already quite far progressed? Or maybe your DS is overusing the inhaler?

I have a great deal of experience with asthma. Please do not be casual about the disease, or the inhaler, or allow your child to use it on his own, or have it accessible to him. You need to get up for an asthma attack at night.

If you are not doing this already, you should be keeping a log of attacks and inhaler use.

math he does not use his in-healer alone. I know it because the kid tells me everything - as we have already established here.

He would not use it inappropriately or mess around with it, he is not stupid and the thing is pretty boring, he doesn't think it's fun.

He shouts that he needs it as an attention thing, again we have established this is all attention seeking. When I go up he doesn't have it because he doesn't need it, same as sometimes he'll go to the toilet and not actually even go, it just gets me up the stairs.

And I've already said of course I go to him when he's having an attack. Who on earth would leave a 6 year old to have an asthma attack by themselves!?!

I obviously also have experience with asthma so not sure why you think I don't.

I'm not an idiot, my children are safe and healthy. My sons asthma is severe and we manage it. So I obviously don't need your judgement advice.

Can we move on now?

Mig he isn't on any other regular medication, we manage it with quite strong in-halers and every couple of months or so he'll have a course of steroids

I posted below but I think it has got lost. Have you tried lying with them until they go to sleep? I know it's not in line with the 'advice' but fighting with them isn't working. I could not leave DS to fall asleep in his own until he was 5, and DD was more like 6 (but she falls asleep in seconds so that was easy).

Primal I used to do that and it was worse, takes hours and hours, that was when I used to still be there at silly hours of the morning
They actually fall asleep better alone, if they'd just lie down in their bed and shut up that is but it still takes them over an hour sometimes more, so sitting on the landing/pottering upstairs wouldn't really be doable either for all that time

Sorry you've had some unhelpful advice here when you're clearly on top of the asthma thing.

Can you use half term to try a new tactic and see if it sticks? Then if you all have a bouncy day you can just take it a bit easier... it may possibly reset the habit a bit?

I know it doesn't feel like it now cos you're so flippin' knackered, but it's a phase. It'll pass!

Good luck tonight. PM me if you need to rant. I know how soul destroying this can be!

Bouncy night, of course! Duh!

When I have courses of steroids for asthma, they make my mind buzz and I can't sleep. Too much of my reliever inhaler has an affect like a shot of adrenaline and keeps he awake too! Is it possible that this is compounding the problem?