9pm (in my opinion) is way too late!!! You need time to sit and relax especially with a new baby, not to mention kids need early bedtimes to be able to function the next day.
They are currently up and wide awake for hours after their bedtime according to the OP. (Apologies OP - I misread 'I've been known to still be sitting on his bedroom floor at 2am (from 7pm) sometimes with him still awake' as referring to the current situation). Even if not up til 2 am any more, what is going on is ridiculous.
Not all kids need early bedtimes. Yes, associations of medical professionals encourage a certain number of hours of sleep but there are some kids who can manage well on less. You can't just switch off your children at a time that is convenient for you and have 'me time'. I know there is a cultural expectation that this must happen, and a belief that it is a good and necessary thing, but it doesn't work for all families and it doesn't meet all children's needs.
You can't always have it both ways. You clearly can't have your relaxation time while the bedtime shenanigans are going on, and as well as that the children are awake well past 9 pm as things stand. A later bedtime for the children would be sane. They are not being worn out by very late nights, but you are being driven to exasperation by the circus that is going on now.
If what you are doing now isn't working then you need to go in a different direction. You can resign yourself to having wonderful me time in a few years.
You can also compromise, and train your children to be in the same room as you without demanding your full attention all the time. This can be achieved by all the family learning to sit peacefully together, each doing their own thing -- reading, drawing, listening to/watching/playing something with headphones. It takes a bit of work to make them do this, but the net result down the line is children who are happy to be in their own bedrooms without craving attention or demanding your acknowledgement (that they are using the loo, demanding water, etc). Sometimes the slower and more indirect route works best. This is because it addresses the children's needs.
This was the route I took, and my result was young children who pursued their own quiet interests in the sitting room in the evening while I read or took care of a baby (I have five DCs) and who then took to their beds at 9 or thereabouts, with never a peep out of them for the rest of the night. As they grew older they finished homework and helped with clearing up after dinner in that time.
Please ignore mathanxiety's advice about keeping the inhaler out of reach too. A child should know how and be able to administer their own inhaler and if they are having an attack in the middle of the night, they may not be able to come to you or call for you. Asthma can kill FFS.
I am sorry, but this is completely wrong and very dangerous.
Yes indeed, asthma can kill. Thanks for that reminder. I had two sisters at one point of my life. Two of my own DCs have asthma. I myself have adult onset disease. I am very well aware of the ins and outs of it.
No child of 6 should be left in control of their own inhaler use.
Here is why:
-- Overdosing on rescue inhaler can be fatal.
The non-fatal serious side effects of rescue inhalers include heart palpitations/racing heart, nausea and dizziness, tremor and nervousness, severe headache/high blood pressure all of which need to be monitored because all can eventually be fatal, depending on dosage and on the individual patient's susceptibility.
-- A parent needs to keep track of rescue inhaler use in order to note whether the asthma control is working and in order to be able to report frequency of attacks and inhaler use to the doctor. Keeping correct records of a child's asthma is essential to good management of the condition.
Therefore a parent must be prepared to monitor all attacks and all inhaler use.
The parent of a child with asthma that strikes at night needs to get a monitor and instruct the child to call out or make enough noise to summon help in case of an attack. A child who wakes coughing or wheezing or short of breath and who has time to get her inhaler has time to make a noise loud enough to be picked up by the monitor to summon you.
Incidentally, among the less serious side effects of inhaler use is insomnia/sleeplessness.
OP, the 6 yo in particular may underneath it all need to feel you are more of a support with the asthma. The experience of nighttime attacks can cause a lot of anxiety. You need to accept the reality that you should be physically there and available for him at night. Asthma has emotional side effects.