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Original poster

Please tell me all the benefits of two versus three kids

72 replies

Lilipot15 · 09/10/2015 13:55

I'm starting to feel broody and I'm pretty sure it's hormonal. Baby not even weaned yet!!

In my head I'd imagined we'd quite possibly have 3, but part of me wonders how much harder it would be - thinking cars, holidays, money, number of hands, number of kids to get up and out for school when the time comes, and the juggling of out of school activities.

Deep down, I think I know it would be sensible to stick with our lovely two, as I'll be in my 40s, DH bit older still, I am ambitious at work, parents not that local to help out. As well as the reasons I put above.

Please could those with two tell me if they're happy they stuck with it, and if you went for 3, how much harder work is it?

And is middle child syndrome a real thing folk have noticed?

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cheapandcheerful · 09/10/2015 13:59

I desperately need to hear the replies to this question too.

As soon as dd2 was born I just knew that we would have another. However, three years on and DH is no closer to being on the same page.

I need to hear that 2 could also be ok. I'm just worried that it will always feel like someone is missing...

Sorry for gatecrashing the thread with a non-reply

Fairlity · 09/10/2015 14:05

For me it was lack of space, lack of money, lack of family near, lack of time (40s), lack of willingness (dh), and I've misplaced my sanity lately. But if I won the lottery I may reconsider

Original poster

Lilipot15 · 09/10/2015 14:20

Cheap please join in!
Fair - you've reminded me to check my lottery ticket

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HeadDreamer · 09/10/2015 14:24

I'm 40 and I work FT because I love it. I'm happy with 2. So happy that I have sold all the baby stuff as soon as DD2 out grown.

It probably doens't help you because I've always imagined 2 children.

Radiodependent · 09/10/2015 14:29

If I was five years younger I think I'd be tempted but I know Dh wouldn't go for a third! Also financially we would find it hard and I feel that I'd like to have more energy for work and career in my 40s (am 39) after the last six years of hanging out with small children.

justkeeponsmiling · 09/10/2015 15:05

3 is definitely much harder than 2. I don't regret having my 3rd but honestly, it is much harder.
I do sometimes feel I'm spreading myself too thinly (I'm having to work ft too, can't afford not to), I feel all three of my kids could benefit with me spending a bit more time with me. I don't think they are unhappy but I do think there are times when they could do with me spending some more one-on-one time with me, or when I should take my time to teach them somethin ir help them with something and I just don't have the time. So I often feel like a bit of a rubbish mum and there is always a slight feeling of guilt hanging over me.
Also: the expense. We can't really afford to go on a proper holidaybfor example as there are 5 of us, meaning we would need two hotel rooms, etc. Everything is totally geared towards having two children and so much more expensive because we have one more than "standard" families.
That's the main "negatives" I can think of. There is many positives too of course!
If it helps: I think many women go through a broody stage when their DCs are a few months old, I think it must be hormonal a lot of the times. I felt really really broody when each one if my children was about 2-4 months old and Iknow many people who feel the same.And even now, years later I sometimes feel I would do anything to have another newborn and look at pregnant women in envy! It usually only lasts a few minutes, then I give myself a little mental shake and remind myself of what it would REALLY be like and I almost laugh at the insanity of such thoughts. Hormones, they can screw with your mind

Sparklingbrook · 09/10/2015 15:11

Fastforward a few years. Teenagers. Do you want 3 teenagers in the house? Eating all the food, driving them back and forth to friends and hobbies (that are all at the same time). Will the 3 of them want to go to University, want driving lessons, you name it.

3 lots of helping with homework and exam stress during GCSEs and A Levels.

It's all fine and dandy when they are small and reasonably portable. But I am so glad now that I only had two because teenagers are very time consuming and expensive.

Bunbaker · 09/10/2015 15:12

"thinking cars, holidays, money, number of hands, number of kids to get up and out for school when the time comes, and the juggling of out of school activities."

I think you have already answered your question.

How about adding:
More sleepless nights
Childcare for when you go into labour
Cost - 3 lots of school dinners/uniforms/trips; larger car; after school activities; holidays; larger house
Extra work for you.
Even less time for yourself
If you already have people who can look after your children how happy would they be to look after three?

What does your partner think?

I have never felt broody, so all the downsides of having three would put me off straight away.

LaContessaDiPlump · 09/10/2015 15:12

I have two and, while I sometimes often daydream about having another, I know that the reality would be far harsher and that I'd struggle to cope. I'm stretched thin enough as it is; a third would be disastrous for my mental health. My family would be something I endured rather than enjoyed again (early years were torture).

It's great when they can talk, amuse themselves, use the loo themselves, dress themselves etc - it means you get to actively enjoy their company rather than just anticipating the next maintenance task.

About a year ago I really couldn't imagine stopping at 2, but I've adjusted to it now.

Bunbaker · 09/10/2015 15:14

Cross posted with Sparkling DD is 15 and in year 11. I have found the last couple of years far more stressful than I ever would have imagined - friendship issues, bullying, boyfriend problems, exam stress. Times that by three - no thanks.

Sparklingbrook · 09/10/2015 15:18

I agree Bunbaker. I have had an interesting/stressful couple of years since DS1 started High School.
There always seems to be something.

I am not sure where I would have found the enthusiasm for High School shenanigans round 3.

poocatcherchampion · 09/10/2015 15:18

I have no idea why I am reading this thread. Dc3 due in 4 weeks....

Bunbaker · 09/10/2015 15:19

Evil cackle

Original poster

Lilipot15 · 09/10/2015 15:30

Thank you all for your responses. Partner is on board either way (although I think his preference is 3?!).
Lots of food for thought, and in the meantime anyway, I am blaming all this broodiness on hormones.
I already feel that I'm spreading myself thin with two with a small age gap and trying to do a bit of work on a project I'm part of in any spare time. I was told under no certain terms by the obstetrician that any third child should be born after a two year age gap because of c-section scar issues.

And I can always put myself off by thinking how I would feel if number 3 turned out to be twins or more. There are multiples in the families.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lilipot15 · 09/10/2015 15:33

And poocatcher, congratulations on your imminent number 3. There are plenty of threads of people saying how happy they are with three, which is why I wrote a thread title with a slant towards those who would tell me the pros of two

OP posts:

sweetheart · 09/10/2015 15:46

Myself and my husband are both one of 3 siblings and there is a very definite "middle child" in both our families. It has been the source of much friction in both families for years and both our poor mothers have had their hearts broken on numerous occasions because of various battles.

Sparklingbrook · 09/10/2015 16:07

I saw this on DB's FB feed a while ago by a middle child. It did make me wonder what had gone on in that household that day.

Please tell me all the benefits of two versus three kids

Original poster

Lilipot15 · 09/10/2015 16:14

Sweetheart, thank you. I do wonder about that in DH's family too. Food for thought....

OP posts:

LaContessaDiPlump · 09/10/2015 16:23

That is another reason that I shouldn't have another. DS2 gets the short end of the stick anyway and he'd be overlooked altogether if we had a third.

BIL has 3 kids. DN2 is clearly the ignored middle child :(

nephrofox · 09/10/2015 16:32

I seriously can think of zero advantages to 3 over 2.

More stress, tantrums, costs, risks,

Less space, time per child, time for yourself, poorer holidays etc

hippospot · 09/10/2015 16:41

My sister has three and she is broke. Everything is 25% more expensive. Holidays are totally geared for 2 children. You can't even all get in a taxi for goodness sake! You have to ring up and book a van or take two taxis!

Bigger car, bigger house, bigger grocery bill.

I don't know how on earth she will be able to help them if they want to go to university, with tuition fees going up the way they are.

I'm one of three and when I was younger imagined I would have three. Pregnancy number two however made me decide to stop at two, and I have no regrets.

It feels hard enough meeting the needs of two, supervising homework, ferrying to activities etc. My mental health couldn't have handled three (but plenty do, and importantly no one regrets having a third!)

Sparklingbrook · 09/10/2015 16:57

It's not really the done thing to have a third and then admit to regretting it. You have to say you are thrilled really.

Although my Grandad used to tell his 3 children 'If I had never had kids I could have had a Rolls Royce' He could have had one too in actual fact he just chose not to but what a thing to say.

Realhousewivesofcroydon · 09/10/2015 19:41

I have three under three. The third was a surprise. They're amazing but it's hard work and I can't imagine when I will ever have time to myself again. I'm on maternity leave and have no idea yet if I'll be able to go back to my job. It's very well paid but the cost of childcare for three along with the thought of spreading myself even more thinly than I am now weighs constantly on my mind. I wouldn't change a thing, but I do worry about how we will cope financially. It's not so noticeable whilst they're little but as they get older...university...our family would be a lot better off financially if we had stopped at two.

AnyoneButAndre · 09/10/2015 19:52

When they tag team each other with D&V you'll have to take a whole emergency week off work rather than "only" three or four days. And when they come down with serial chicken pox you'll be off work for the best part of a month.

TheExMotherInLaw · 09/10/2015 19:58

For me, I only ever wanted two children as I only have two hands! Grab each by the scruff of the neck, and break up the fight. Only joking - sort of!

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