Please tell me all the benefits of two versus three kids

[Lilipot15]

I'm starting to feel broody and I'm pretty sure it's hormonal. Baby not even weaned yet!!

In my head I'd imagined we'd quite possibly have 3, but part of me wonders how much harder it would be - thinking cars, holidays, money, number of hands, number of kids to get up and out for school when the time comes, and the juggling of out of school activities.

Deep down, I think I know it would be sensible to stick with our lovely two, as I'll be in my 40s, DH bit older still, I am ambitious at work, parents not that local to help out. As well as the reasons I put above.

Please could those with two tell me if they're happy they stuck with it, and if you went for 3, how much harder work is it?

And is middle child syndrome a real thing folk have noticed?

I have three and echo the things others have said:

Need a bigger car
Holidays are tricky - and even an overnight at the premier inn gets costly when you need two rooms
Everything costs more
Most tickets etc - family tickets to attractions for eg are geared to families of four. Even supermarket chicken pieces seem to be packaged to never suit a family of five!
You're always outnumbered as parents

There are upsides obviously and I wouldn't be without them but going from 2 to 3 definitely needs more adjustments in terms of car etc than going from 1 to 2.

I have DS then DTDs. Still find it galling after 7 years that I have three children yet no opportunities to hand down clothes at all!!

3 here and it'd all been fine and dandy really ! Yes you have a wider car and we go self catering rather than hotel rooms, but we have a whole new person with us who is a bonus! Mine are all at school now, it gets different not easier but I think that would be the same with 2 kids too. Money is spread between 3 instead of 2, but then they have an extra sibling that may be a bonus
We all do what we feel is right.
Good luck
Positive review for three here

"When they tag team each other with D&V you'll have to take a whole emergency week off work rather than "only" three or four days. And when they come down with serial chicken pox you'll be off work for the best part of a month"

That's more or less what MIL said about having three children (OH is one of three)

2 is a fab number. As pp have said, holidays etc are geared up for 4 and at weekends you can split with dh and both DC get 1:1 time.

I'm one of six and possibly have a bit of middle child syndrome but it hasn't stopped me, just made me determined to do things differently. We never went abroad as children, most clothes were second hand and Mum shopped at Lidl (before it was popular), but I wouldn't change any of that - a sibling is more valuable in my eyes. I have three and am expecting number four. I love their different characters and each one is so precious in their own little way. I found three very difficult to begin with, especially as I home educate the eldest and the second two are pretty close together but now they're a lovely little team and we have very happy days together.

I thinksome women enjoy parenting more than others. I love DD to bits, but find being a parent hard work.

It didn't help that when DD was little she had serious health issues, and now has friendship/self esteem issues as a teenager.

In my case I have experienced more downsides than advantages of being a parent.

It depends on the make up of the family, ds1 has aspergers so spends a lt one reading in his room. Dd is the opposite and a complete social butterfly and if we didn't have ds2 she would have had to play with herself a lot. Ds1 sees the other 2 having fun and often joins in which has helped with his social skills.
As dd is the middle child and the only girl I don't think that middle child syndrome is as much as a problem as she is the only girl and gets attention for that - girly shopping trips, craft making etc

Dh is one of 3 but his brother died a couple of years ago and I think it helped to have his sister around rather than being the remaining sibling. Morbid I know but his uncle also died a few years ago leaving his mum and his aunt so it's something I've thought about.

It can be chaos but then they will put on a play or make a game and play lovely together.

I am one of two, and I have three.

Obviously I wouldn't change anything, but to me the biggest downside is the lack of one-to-one time with a parent. When I was a kid I did lots of stuff with just me and my dad, whilst my little sister got one-to-one time with my mum. I feel like we are always juggling and they don't get nearly so much individual attention.

My husband works v long hours in the week so whilst the 'solo' bedtimes' feeling isn't so bad now that they are 7,6 and 3, it's tricky to juggling helping the elder two with reading, the eldest practice the piano, taking to and from brownies etc on my own. The problem would still exist with two, but less so, I think.

Thanks for the replies. Enjoying my two for the moment and given advice I had about age gap, no decisions needed for some time yet. I guess what prompted it was reading the contraception leaflets GP gave me and some are longer lasting than others. I muttered something about my age but she cheerily informed me that they have lots of older mums. (They must be meeting elsewhere as I definitely feel way older than most mums where I live!)

My three are all primary school age. I wouldn't change a thing but you wanted negatives so...
Horrifically expensive: childcare (holiday and wrap around) is our biggest expense. Then food!
Activities. My life has NO free time in it.
Car. I loathe our big car, but good ones are (you got it) so expensive.
Homework. From phonics to long division around the same table, and everyone wants my full attention.
Squabbles over everything, but especially screen time. We are not getting three laptops /iPads but policing the sharing with transparent fairness is diplomacy worthy of a Nobel prize.
Holidays. Ha. Ditto school trips: the expensive residentials. And brownies etc with the same demands.
And this is in two good professional salaries, but with no family support.

Yes, I can well imagine that childcare and activities become much more complicated once they are in school.
I do enjoy having 1:1 time with mine already, and can see how it'd be tricky to fit in with three.

I like 3. They all get a lot of attention but I am at home with them and think I would feel diiferently about having 3 if I worked ft. I think I'll have to be pt when I do go back until they are a lot older so it has limited what else I can do in my life. I'd rather have the 3 of them than anything I've given up so I'd say it all depends on how much you want a third child and what your lifestyle can accommodate.

"We are not getting three laptops /iPads"

You might need to review that when they are teenagers and need them for homework. An awful lot of DD's homework is set online and required to be done online.

i have 3.

yes, bigger car, costs etc etc. but i love the dynamics of 3. they're their own little gang in a way 2 can't be. they're very close, and if one doesn't feel like playing, another one most likely will.

as regards not enough attention, i've banned tablets, phones, tv except for a couple of hours at the weekend - me included. that has helped an enormous amount.

yes, more work, more expense, but i don't regret it.

DS1 had braces for two years. Two years of 6 weekly appointments that can't be scheduled out of school time. Driving from school to ortho. Now DS2 has them and we start again. His will take longer apparently. If we had a third they would just have to have wonky teeth. I cant do any more years of it.

I've just had no. 3, not unplanned but not entirely expected (recurrent mc previously), with a 10 and 8 year gap respectively to the older two.
I was extremely ambivalent throughout the pregnancy, and now she is here I love her desperately and the thought of losing her is too awful for words, but I know that when I conceived her I was getting to the stage of being happy with 2 and leaving the idea of a third behind, and I think we would have been just as happy, in a different way, had we not had her.

I think some of the issues mentioned here are not so acute for us because of the big age gap - and I confess I would never have wanted three close together and dreaded getting pg until dc2 was 4 or so -, but I am expecting it to be hard work in other ways.

Yeah, agree about reviewing computers when they are older, but not at primary school (the little horrors just wrecked the keyboard on my laptop...)
I realise I sounded very negative, I genuinely wouldn't change a thing, but it's not a decision I could justify rationally!!

I always felt like I wasn't 'done' after DC2 but DP didn't want anymore. The feeling never went away but I accepted it because we had two and I was happy with that (even with the hankering for another!!)

Then last year DP asked if I wanted another and said we should go for it, which we did. DS1 is 9 and DD is 6, DS2 is 6 months!! I love having 3 but I think the age gap is actually great in helping me not feel over stretched for example DS will sit will DS2 whilst i'm doing homework with DD etc etc

Holidays, cars and all the practical stuff is a nightmare however you do just manage. I would wait just to make sure it isn't just because your baby is growing up, you may move past this broodiness, loads do!

Oh yes, I think a lot of it is hormonal and whilst I like the idea of a bigger age gap, my own age won't allow that, at least not without giving me anxiety about being over 40. Nice that your DP came round to the idea though!

I am one of 3 and had always imagined myself with 3. I have 2 DSs and immediately after having DS2 I wailed "please don't let this be my last one!"

DH is not on board with another really, but I had desperately wanted 3. That being said, we live offshore and whilst we earn great money, the cost of raising 3 kids in private education (no option for anything else here), followed by 3 rounds of international university fees, along with the cost of 5 round trip tickets for holidays and/or trips back to the UK made me feel faint.

Thankfully DS2 is 18 months now, and the further away I get from the tiny baby stage, the less I feel willing to return to it. I've given myself until I'm 38 to make an absolute decision (2 years away) but I reckon by the time I'm there and DS1 is 5 1/2 and DS2 is 3, I will be very reluctant to go backwards.

My decision is definitely a battle between my head and my heart and whilst in the past I've always listened to my heart, this time my head will win for the sake of the amazing family I already have.

BrieAndChilli, without meaning to you have put a very positive spin on my family, so thanks :) have a very similar situation to you, although ny youngest is a girl.

The house would just be so... quiet with two. Currently cooking my fourth so hoping me and DH can take two each at weekends we also kept the fiat punto when we had three - no need to get a bigger car.

I've got 3. I can squash the whole family in in citroen c3.
Our holidays are cheaper then a few people with 2 dc although granted we don't do Disney land. Sadly!
I'm one of 2 and one of the reasons for having 3 is that I couldn't cope with the intense parental involvement when I was younger. Having 3 protects against some of the lunacy I might otherwise indulge in.
It's more of a challenge to have quality one on one time but they learn to pick their moments. Then again I like a bit of chaos. If you like a more ordered existence 3 dc might not be your bag. orsleep

BeautifulLiar, glad to be of service. I often wonder DS1 would have been like if we had stopped at him. We would have been able to stick to his routines and what he wanted to do all the time but I strongly believe having siblings and therefore getting outvoted on choice of activity /having to go out when he wanted to stay home has actually helped him learn to deal with the way things will be in the real world when he's a grown up, at work etc.

Luckily thia baby is another girl so DS can continue to have his own space. But I think you're right in that ASD or not they will have to learn how to deal with others/change of plans etc. It's not easy though!

Thanks for the positive messages about having three as well.
I know I am really lucky to have my two and am enjoying seeing them together, interacting well even in these early months.
I'll try and save this thread somewhere so I can remember these comments when the times comes for me to decide.