I can't stand my children

[Poppywetherby]

I feel awful writing this but i cant stand my 20 month old and one of my 9 month old twins. One is so difficult and whingey and clingy and just makes everything difficult. The other twin is lovely and i dont have any problem wth her. My older boy is being horrendous to them and pinches bites, hits his sisters and me with books and toys and then laughs when you tell him off. Ive had enough i keep seeing red and having to just walk out and found myself banging my head against the wall yesterday. I had postnatal depression after my boy but had been feeling ok until their behaviour got so awful. Dont enjoy it at all its just horrendous

You poor thing. You're doing the right thing in identifying a problem. Maybe its PND again but is manifesting itself in different ways this time? Do you have anyone helping you with the kids?

You've got 3 very young children which is bound to be difficult.
How much support do you have?
Do you get out with the kids?
Do you get any time to yourself?
Make an appointment with your gp or talk to the health visitor.

You have your hands very full. I have 19 month son, it's so intense and non stop, I cannot imagine twins as well! They know how to push your buttons and they need ALL your attention.

What support do you have?

Oh my goodness, so when your twins were born you had three under one? No wonder you feel so overwhelmed. When I had one 20 month old to deal with, I struggled enough. It's completely understandable that you feel the way you do, honestly.

You need some support. Do you have family and friends that can pop over and keep you company/help with the child wrangling? Also, I'd suggest seeing the GP about PND (you may not feel classically depressed, but for me, PND manifested as a short temper and inability to cope, and it sounds like you're suffering in a similar way). Also have a word with your health visitor about groups and activities so you can a) get out of the house and b) feel less alone and surrounded by babies. Home Start might also be a big help for you - someone who can come round for a chat and help with the children. Your HV should know about this too.

Fwiw, yesterday I couldn't bear my DH or ds and just wanted to scream and run away. There were moments where I saw red yesterday and had to close my eyes, breathe and leave the situation. Today I had a lie in til 7.30 as DH got up with ds at 6am and then I had 2 hours to myself when DH took ds out and all of a sudden I realise that I do love them dearly but I just need a little time to myself. We all do. Young children require so much and everyone needs respite!

With you all the way I can't stand my 8yo either ungrateful full of attitude moaning nasty little shit

Fffffffedup you sound like you could do with some help too. Start a thread so people can give you done advice if you think it will help.

Thanks so much for all your replies. Thanks for being so understanding i really didnt expect it. I do get out with them, with my mum or husband helping as we dont have a buggy where all 3 can go together and my oldest cant walk far and runs off anyway. My husband works long hours and nights so is away alot and when he's here he finds it hard too.
I just feel like none of them are getting what they need and im failing and its just a miserable house where theyre all fighting for attention and not getting enough. I wanted them to be nice kind little people and i dont know how ive raised such a monster but its making me feel like a monster too. Sometimes i just look at them and feel like theres no bond there at all

Everyone fed
No one dead

They're all so little Poppy that it's no wonder it's difficult & you feel terrible. If you think it could be PND, then do go to your dr, otherwise just keep focusing on one day at a time & it will get better.

It really does get loads easier as they get older (albeit with different issues).

Hang in there - I'm sure he's not a monster, just a boisterous little boy & be assured that most people go through phases when they don't like their own children very much due to behaviour.

You really do have it tough with 3 such young children, but it will get better. Good luck!

Totally agree with afreshstart - everyone fed, no one dead

Would it be possible to put your DS in to nursery a couple of mornings a week just to give you a bit of a break?

Do you have a garden?
Getting them out in the fresh air every day will do you all some good
Toddler groups would be good for you all too.

I've seen twin buggies with a buggy board. Would that work?

Try the ahaparenting site for ways to help you and your children feel connected and happier.
www.ahaparenting.com

bloody hell, hats off to you for even surviving this long! It will get easier.

Could you put 20mo and one twin in a double buggy and the other twin in a sling so you can get out of the house? I saw a lady doing this last week with baby twins and a toddler.

Is there a Home Start in your area? It really sounds as though you could do with some help.

When I had PND and had anti-depressants I found it much, much easier to deal with my child - all that nagging and whining was easy to switch off from and I found I could divert their attention and keep them happy.

Please ask your doctor for some help; it will really help you.

Keep on keeping on.
Try to get some fresh air every day.
Of course this is hard, but you are doing it, be proud of yourself.
Think about seeing your GP as you have had problems before. But anyone would find this hard. It is hard. And it will pass. And you will still have three healthy happy children.

Thank you all. we have an amazing home start volunteer who helps us. I think the buggy board is a good idea but think im a bit scared to take them all out by myself, especially with the public tantrums lately.
Wish i'd found this earlier because I've found your replies and your encouragement & understanding really helpful, i feel a bit less like a terrible human being now. So thank you all so very much.

Bloody hell you've done well to get this far without ending up rocking back and forth in a corner. Three children that age would send super nanny to the edge.

Get a buggy board. My 2 Year old loves his. Put reigns on him too so that you can grab him if he does try and jump off. He's hitting that difficult age, he doesn't mean to be a 'monster'.

Get to the doctors.

Good luck

You are finding it hard because it is hard, very very hard. It's a relentless slog. Things will change, things will get easier- but probably not for a while yet!

I had a friend who had four under three, including a set of twins, and she really struggled despite having help from various people. It's relentless and any time you might want to spend planning or sorting shit out is lost because you are so tired all the time. She existed - nothing more ambitious than everyone fed, no one dead - for several years, and is out the other side now with them all in school and she's getting her life back. You'll get there.

It is hard - you have 3 under 2, it must be bloody difficult. I had 2 under 18 months and I struggled, i cannot imagine throwing another into the mix.. Some days it felt I could do nothing right.
I read something on a thread on Mumsnet once

It is hard - you have 3 under 2, it must be bloody difficult. I had 2 under 18 months and I struggled, i cannot imagine throwing another into the mix.. Some days it felt I could do nothing right. I read something on a thread on Mumsnet once

At that age they seem to be delinquent but it does pass. My ds is lovely now but he hated being a toddler and let everyone know about it.

When you're in the middle of having little ones you are very hard on yourself. When they're older you look back and think you did a good job.

oops posted too soon - I read something on a thread on Mumsnet once which helped me in my most overwhelmed moments - 'You think it's always going to be this hard, but it's not, it does get easier.' And it does, the moments of feeling completely inept get less, the balance gets easier, going out on your own with them becomes less overwhelming...there are obviously still moments/hours/days when nothing seems to go right but there is light too.

You don't have to 'win' at this, you just have to get through it. And you will, you are doing an amazing job, you should be proud of all you are coping with. I promise you will look back on this time and be a lot kinder on yourself than you are now.

Wow you have 3 babies no wonder you feel like you do i have no other advice than what pp have said i had a relation in your position baby then twins we all had to pitch in and do a rota and help her it is exhausting after a few hours never mind full time, can you chat to your Homestart volunteer about how you are feeling.

I can sympathise, OP. I had a year between dc1 and dc2 and three under 3.5 when dc3 arrived and it is relentless.

I found the key thing was to get out of the house every single day. Have you got a car? We went to a different toddler group every day and I had a season ticket to a farm where I could turn them into the sandpit. We also spent hours at friends' houses or had them over to us.

If it gets too much at home, put them somewhere safe and close the door while you calm down with a cuppa.

It will get better and you will start to reap the benefits of a close age gap but it won't be for a while so just take it a day at a time. Also bear in mind that none of them will remember any of this. They won't be growing up to hold anything against you.