I can't stand my children

[Poppywetherby]

I feel awful writing this but i cant stand my 20 month old and one of my 9 month old twins. One is so difficult and whingey and clingy and just makes everything difficult. The other twin is lovely and i dont have any problem wth her. My older boy is being horrendous to them and pinches bites, hits his sisters and me with books and toys and then laughs when you tell him off. Ive had enough i keep seeing red and having to just walk out and found myself banging my head against the wall yesterday. I had postnatal depression after my boy but had been feeling ok until their behaviour got so awful. Dont enjoy it at all its just horrendous

Poppy you sound amazing to be coping at all. I've just got one and I have days when I feel really dreadful and I've definitely had to shut myself away and punch a pillow. I found CBT helpful for intrusive thoughts so I used to try to replace dark thoughts with more positive mantras. Not "everything is amazing" but just things like "this will get easier, time will pass and we'll all be ok".

You definitely have a lot on your plate.

Do you manage to get out during the day? I presume a morning would be better and then get them all back for a decent nap?

If your user name relates to where you live, PM me

Haven't read all the answers but think it's totally, totally normal to feel overwhelmed with 3 tiny ones. Even when my two were small, and they were 2 years apart, I had days like that. Small children can be very unreasonable and that doesn't mean you don't love them or won't enjoy them once they're bigger and it's not so demanding physically and mentally. Even by summer time things will be a little easier as they will all be a bit bigger and within 2 years they will be at nursery and school. Keep going, one day at a time, take what help you can and don't be too hard on yourself. Things will get better. If you're desperate then shout for help wherever you can, people will be more willing than you think to help you out. Good luck!