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Original poster

How old is too old for another baby?

63 replies

nodramamama · 14/06/2015 17:23

OH and I had said we'd not have a second child as we're all settled and feels like we're getting 'back to normal' and our son will start school soon anyway. But at 38,I'm now feeling this is our final chance, and would we regret if we didn't try again for a second.
My first pregnancy was great but not the birth, but apart from that, I think we could do it... Could my body?

How old is too old, given that I'm nearly 39 so little one would probably be born when I'd be 40...

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Pandapickle100 · 14/06/2015 18:06

I had my first at 39 so pregnant at 38.... I'm the average age in our NCT group (didn't expect to be) the only downside is that I feel pretty tired dealing with a 5 month old at 39 but other than that, don't let age stop you! We will probably stop at 1 but if we were going to have a second I don't think I'd want to be pregnant any later than 42 purely because of increased risks etc... My personal choice, not that I think it's too old.

fakenamefornow · 14/06/2015 18:10

For me, 40?

fakenamefornow · 14/06/2015 18:14

I should add due the increased risks for both parties.

Also on a personal level, I wouldn't want to be the oldest mum at the school, I don't want my children to feel embarrassed by my age.

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CaminanteNoHayCamino · 14/06/2015 18:15

I had my second at 39, few months off being 40. So not too old for me!

Clutterbugsmum · 14/06/2015 18:17

I had my second dd a month before I was 39 and ds just after I was 40.

TommySlimfigure · 14/06/2015 18:17

It is individual.

I had a vision [woooooo] of myself at forty, walking along with young children, but children out of a buggy, well out of nappies, holding my hand but independent.

I had my last at just 36. But my friend is having her first at 43 and I'm so excited!

TommySlimfigure · 14/06/2015 18:19

Obviously a four year old was not independent on my fortieth birthday!!!! but it was the stage I was able for. I couldn't have done nappies and bugggies at forty.

MadameJosephine · 14/06/2015 18:19

We decided that 40 was too old.

DD was born when I was 41 Grin

Original poster
nodramamama · 14/06/2015 19:02

Thanks everyone, I'm just so confused. I'm fairly level headed and never was one of those people to love love the baby stage, nor want another baby because DS1 is starting school sort of thing. I just started to think, he'll have no siblings, we could try at least and see what happens, but now I've actually scared myself tonight with having this chat with my OH... Oh, what to do! Feel slightly panicky just at the thought also and sure that stats for medimedical issues are higher!

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nodramamama · 14/06/2015 19:07

Fakenamefornow definitely see your point, I would be 50 when they're 10, scary. As it is I'll be 49 when DS is 14...

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Girlsville · 14/06/2015 19:37

Just to add from a different perspective,,,,my mum had me when she was 38 (which was viewed as VERY old 33 years ago!). My older brothers were 10 and 8 when I was born. I am so so close to my mum and was never embarrassed that she was idler than my friends mums etc.

worserevived · 14/06/2015 19:44

I had my first at 40 and second at 42. My friend has just had her third at 49!
No medical issues in any of the pregnancies, and all healthy babies.

If you are worried about chromosome abnormalities there is a maternal blood test which can be done at 10 weeks which is non-invasive so does not have the miscarriage risk associated with amnio or CVS. The Harmony test.

Stinkersmum · 14/06/2015 19:45

I was 40 last month and am expecting my first dc in October. I can't wait, I'm very excited.

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nodramamama · 14/06/2015 19:51

Thanks for the comments, I guess we'll need to think some more about it but it's definitely got in my head the fact that this seems like the last chance, I've always thought no later than 40 I suppose because my mum had horrendous menopause and I hated being a through that... But these days yes the max age has moved up and is more acceptable, it's whether there'd be risk to baby and also me, plus whether we'd have the energy, it's hard with just one DS at the end of a working week! My brain is all over the place tonight, I hear a glass of wine calling...

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IfNotNowThenWhen · 14/06/2015 19:53

But you will (God willing) be 50 anyway OP,whether you have a 10 year old or not. If that makes sense.
I always said 39 was my cut off, but now I am very near that..It doesn't seem so old! I don't feel any less able to change a nappy now than I did 10 years ago.

StonedGalah · 14/06/2015 19:55

For me, 40 would be my cut off. Im due dd2 soon and turning 38 even sooner and lm so much more tired this pregnancy and I've still got to get through the no-sleep-newborn stage Shock

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/06/2015 19:56

For me, 39 (I was 36)

It's not so much the having babies/toddlers in early mid 40,s, it would be the running around and angst over the teenage years at the age of 50's and 60's I would hate, if left any longer.

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nodramamama · 14/06/2015 20:01

Congratulations Stinkersmum! Ifnotnowthenwhen thanks I'm just thinking pain, no sleep etc sometimes, plus annoyed boss, but then I think also of the cuddles and family Sunday mornings being even nicer. I then think of financial struggles and How The Hell Do People Do It. Then back to more relaxed baby years this time round because we've been there and learnt a little. Then back to Aarrrgh, my brain ??

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storytopper · 14/06/2015 20:07

My cousin had her first at 46. Seems to be coping well with a 13 year old at nearly 60. Her DH is even older - he had a grown-up family already from his first marriage.

BeaufortBelle · 14/06/2015 20:12

I was nearly 39 when dd was born (my youngest). We always wanted three or four children and she was my second. Bit of a difficult journey. I didn't have the courage to try for a third as dd was my 5th pg to reach the 2nd trimester. Not trying again is the only regret I have. I would have loved three children. Too late now of course, I'm 55! At the time we I decided 40 was the cut off. Wish I hadn't.

Ludways · 14/06/2015 20:17

I had my second at 38, she's 9 now and I'm about average age for her friends mums, no issues here at all. Go for it, if that's what you want.

Baddz · 14/06/2015 20:17

For me? About 38 I suppose. I had had 2 dc by then luckily.
I know someone how has just had her 4th dc at 47....had 7 years between each dc!

morningsarepants · 14/06/2015 20:19

I was 3 weeks off being 41 when I had my youngest. Absolutely no regrets Smile

Fairylea · 14/06/2015 20:20

I think anything up to about 45 is fine really. For me it's more about your general health... my health isn't great and my two births were pretty awful so even though I'm "only" 34 the risks seem high to be considering another for us. But I do think people are living longer and more healthily than ever before... 45 is still only the middle ish of the average life nowadays. I think 40 now is more like the 30 of 20 years ago if that makes sense!

Original poster
nodramamama · 14/06/2015 20:23

Thanks, hubby pretty much said this evening it's my body, what do I want to do... He's an only child and openly admits he thinks this has colored his view so far. Also that we've been so lucky with DS, ie no health issues, lovely person, intelligent etc. I know people are having kids older and I guess the trend will continue as we live longer and longer, I just don't know how I feel about it but at the same time I'm not a normal 40 and all my friends are younger. It's whether I'm kidding myself about how much energy we'd have for 2...

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