How old is too old for another baby?

[nodramamama]

OH and I had said we'd not have a second child as we're all settled and feels like we're getting 'back to normal' and our son will start school soon anyway. But at 38,I'm now feeling this is our final chance, and would we regret if we didn't try again for a second.
My first pregnancy was great but not the birth, but apart from that, I think we could do it... Could my body?

How old is too old, given that I'm nearly 39 so little one would probably be born when I'd be 40...

Well 3 of ds2's classmates (age 5) have had a new baby sibling this year, so you would not be the only one with that age gap. Do you feel 40 or do you feel younger? Could you afford to go part-time if you have another?

Cheminotte I feel younger, most of the time ha ha. Yes I have a part time job which was full time, and also run my business on the side, so I would probably have to knuckle down into my business OR go back to my full time job after. We've recently been given some cash too, which in the back of my mind would also help, some.

OP I'm 42 with a 2 year old and a 4 month old, so I've basically just lived through a combination of the newborn phase and the terrible twos. It's fine, seriously. I haven't found it any harder than one of my friends who has two children of more or less exactly the same age but is only in her twenties.

If you yourself are fit, healthy and emotionally in a good place about the idea, no reason not to.

I think it's whatever works for you and your family...don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something, or that you shouldn't!
Personally, I won't have anymore babies past my 20's, but thats only because I don't want there to be a huge age gap between DC's. I'm 21, DD is now 7 weeks old, so I wouldn't want to have another baby at 30 and there be a 9 year age gap between DD and her brother/sister. (Obviously these crazy women in the papers having babies at 55 is beyond selfish, but thats a whole different kettle of fish!)

I'm the same age as you and have been trying for DC2 for a while but with no success. Sorry to be negative but, from my experience, presume it won't happen then it's a nice surprise if it does. Your fertility's just not as great as that in someone 10 years younger. Your OP didn't mention how hard it would be to get pregnant again, only whether you'd be too old to cope with a baby again.

(sorry but someone announced their 3rd pregnancy earlier today and it rather hit a nerve).

It really boils down to how you feel - I'm about to turn 40 and want a second. I feel my body can take it - I'm as fit as I've ever been and although I will hate the broken nights - its just something I will need to get through.

I don't give a shit if by the time the kids go to school I will be 45ish. Kids at school can be a bullying target for any reason not just the age of their parents so I will be bringing them up to be resiliant to all kinds of bullying - whether they are ginger, tall, short, fat or have an older mum - rather than dealing with it by 'conforming' to a stereotypical view of what is 'normal'.

Will probably have a similar attitude when they are 16/18/21, becoming adults themselves.

But then I'm not easily intimidated!!!

At your age I would go for it. I had DS2 at 37 and I know many mums who had kids up to age 42 or 43. Don't let your age be a barrier - when I saw your title I was thinking you were probably going to be older, but still in your 30s? Absolutely no problem. Get shagging!

I had first at 39 and second just turned 41. I am pretty sure I am more tired than if I had them in late twenties, but hey ho I didn't have the option then. I am not the oldest at school, yes there are some 10 years younger, but there are a lot my age or older. I think it is a lot more common now to not start even trying until well into your 30's anyway so the gap is closing.

I don't think being 50 when they are 10 is a bad prospect, I know a lot of 50 year olds (some late 50's) who are vibrant and in the peak of their lives both emotionally and financially, so what's so bad about offering that to a child?

I did debate having a second, given my age, but I have to say its the best thing I could have done and I just love watching my children develop their own special bond and relationship with each other, which is totally theirs. It's a beautiful thing.

My mum had my youngest sister at 42 when I was 18
I think she found it difficult as she got older coping with the demands a teenager. While some of her friends are winding down and now retired she has to carry on working to pay for university fees.

For me 43 - need to give birth before I turn 44.

Had my first 6 weeks before I turned 39. Still deciding on whether to have another.

Wouldn't change a thing - love being older. But have to exercise a lot to keep my joints moving. Need to keep up at baby sensory and other clubs!!

My dd is 9 months and I'm 37. I fully intend to try for a second but I'll have to wait until we can afford to move and won't be for a few years so I'll be in my early 40s.

Had my first at 42 and second at 44 - both naturally conceived.
Would love to try for 3rd but DH not keen - especially coping with the sleepless nights again.
I think I am the oldest mum - but not by far!

Thanks for that everyone, had to laugh at get shagging ha ha . Lots to think about, I keep wavering between going for it and staying as we are. Just need some time where we can properly look at things...

I think around 39/40 is top limit I'd consider

Work is another consideration as its a small company and it'd be really difficult if I was off again... Plus things like not being able to move for a while re mortgage due to lower earnings. Whereas if we stay as we are our income will go up in September... And we could start to properly pay down the mortgage and start to save money towards DS education. The easy choice is definitely to stay as we are, but would that matter when I'm 82 sort of thing...

I had my youngest at nearly 45.
I am not the oldest mum in the class....one was 46. I am now 56 with an eleven year old. It is the new 'normal' for me.

It's very individual and what seems normal depends on where you live.

People used to have larger families and no contraception, so fourth, fifth and more children in your 40s wasn't uncommon, first ones were. That's what's changed - but this wouldn't be your first.

I had my first dd a month before my 39th birthday. It felt just the same as being 33 to me. I was fit and healthy and I don't find lack of sleep any harder now than when younger, if anything, years of practice has diminished its power to surprise.

I think now at 42 and hoping for dc2 the biggest difference is I'm not as fit, because of less free time, rather than feeling 'old'. Longer term, I feel a duty to stay fit and healthy as long as possible, both to enjoy time with my DCs (and any GCs!) and to avoid being a burden.

One thought I have quite strongly is that, for dd, being the only child of older parents could be lonely and burdensome, us entering decrepitude just as she's busy with her own DCs. I do feel a sibling could help lighten that load and leave her less alone in the family.

But, the risks of older pregnancy loom large - I really don't want to create an addititional burden for her, by adding a disabled sibling to her adult load. Of course some of those outcomes depend on your attitude to testing and decisions following.

That's definitely a reason to try sooner than later, now.

I'm 42 and would love another! Dd is 5 and was conceived very easily. However, we have now been trying for 4 years for another and nothing is happening!
I know a lot of parents my age. In DD's reception class all bar one of the parents are in their 30's and 40's. (the other is 20 something)

Thank you for that, yes I'm definitely agreeing on the health front, I'd like to prioritise it for sure. And ages of other parents are definitely similar or at least not enough to bother me. I think the lack of climbing on to the property ladder is what stopped us for so long and lots of people were in the same boat. For now I'm just a deer frozen in the headlights not sure what to do and don't want to pressurise DH he's completely understanding what I mean and feels confused too. Maybe confused means we shouldn't, as neither of us are really really dedesperate, does that make sens? I've never had 2 as the goal iyswim.

Lottiegarbanzo I'm also worried about DS being alone and as I have siblings it's reassuring to know they're there...

How do you think you'd feel if a doctor told you 'I'm sorry, but you won't be able to have any more DC'.

Relieved that the decision has been made for you, or gutted?

The age limit I set myself was forty and I had DC6 a few weeks before my 40th. I didn't feel any different as a mum to DC6 than I had to DC1 (born when I was 22). I had easy pregnancies and no problems with the births.

It's not the childhood years that are the problem. It never even occurred to me that I was one of the older mums at the school gate. It's the teenage years IMO. The late night taxi service when you really do want to be in bed. DH is older than me and for him at 60+ and me in my mid 50s the teenage years have been a struggle. We were determined that the youngest would have all the same opportunities his older siblings had so we have spent many years transporting DC to music/sport etc.........it does get tiresome in the end. Still it was our choice!

We are grandparents now and are able to help with childcare for the children of our older DC. I can still do a full days childcare at 58 but I wouldn't want it every day. We will not be able to do the same with any grandchildren born to our youngest. We will be too old.

Juneau that's a good point... I think right now I'd be relieved simply because it would take the decision from my addled brain!
Nagy I hadn't even got that far that is also an excellent point. I'm knackered in the evenings, think it's to do with my low thyroid, have always liked an early night when possible... Would definitely farm out taxi duties to DH either way!

Can you borrow a baby for a weekend? Must be some friends who are dying to have a weekend / overnighter away

40 was my personal cut off point. I had my first just before turning 36 and I had a 4 yr window for a second.
For me it was the realisation that it was utterly knackering and it was hardly going to get easier. On a personal level though I am pro-choice I would be distraught to have to terminate a pregnancy due a medical issue with a child and I decided that since the risk of Downs etc was so much higher that I would not put myself in that position as DH would definitely want to terminate.

Trradsoftly that's exactly my age gap... Yes maybe I need reminding of the baby stage it'd probably bring a dose of reality to the melting pot! DS has been a great sleeper the past year so I know that broken sleep would be hard to get used to again...