Am I simply a crap mother? views please on school run fiasco

[kittywits]

Ok, my present situation, 5 kids age 8 to 10 months and am 5 months preg.
Relationship with dp not good to say tyhe least, it's a strictly parenting, trying to make things work for the kids but no love or affection involved.
I've had a couple of bereavments this year as well. So all in all I feel tired, emotionally and physically. This afternoon at school run time I not only had all of my 5 with me but was bringing home two friends.
There is a little walk from the school to a pub carpark that everyone uses, it's a village school so every one know every one.

Anyway when I get to the car I'm loading kids in and I hear a mother called my name. She is a particularly precious mother of an only child who can do no wrong, you get the picture. She asks me if I have lost a child and I say not that I know. She then says that I have and she is at school. So I am amazed because I think that I have counted them all in and run off to see dd2 (3) being lead by the hand to the crossing.

I get her, she's fine btw but I feel mortified and so embarassed. I know this woman will be gossiping about me saying I can't cope etc. I have left dd2 once before but went back to get her and she hadn't even realised I was gone.
It was just the way this woman looked at me and the faces she pulled that didn't hide her disdain.
So now I feel shit. I shouldn't but I do.
Anyway, thank for bearing with this rambling post.
Am I really losing it or what, does anyone ele have similar experiences or is it simply me being a shit ,careless and incompetent mother?

interstellar, she IS precious. Her son is doted on. Kept of school for weeks if he bumps his head, the list is endless. When he was younger , he's now 7, he was extremely aggressive towards other children and babies.
His parents witnessed toy snatching, pushing, pinching etc and always managed to find fault with the child who was being attacked. He once smacked one of my children in the face for saying that spot the dog was not a cat!!

Puddle, I don't know. I never set out to have this many. I just never felt finished if that makes sense. I certainly feel finished now though and as much as I am looking forward to ds3's arrival in March it's time to move on

i think once you have more than 2 kids, you need to grow extra hands. i only have 3, and dd2 wanders off all the bloomin time, i could leave her behind easily if i wasnt so obsessive at counting the girls all the time. If we go a distance and i need them to hold hands, i usually have one holding onto a belt loop, and me saying 'Dont tug my trousers down DD2!!'

ignore the woman, its a heck of a lot easier with just 1, rather than the 7 you had today.

btw, what sort of car do you drive? must be huge!

A vaxhaul Zafira and it isn't big enough
We're gettinga 9 seater in feb which wiil make life easier and the parking more difficult

I only have 2 and one afternoon I lost ds2 THREE TIMES on the way from ds1's classroom to the gates of the school . I've now started using the pushchair for ds2 even though he can walk the distance perfectly fine, as then I only have to concentrate on where one child is...

Kittywits: I've got to write and run. But this sentence of your post hit me between the eyes and nobody else seems to have mentioned it:

"Relationship with dp not good to say tyhe least, it's a strictly parenting, trying to make things work for the kids but no love or affection involved."

That seemed a very poignant way to begin your post and perhaps your state of mind is more about your relationship with DH and less about the snotty mother at the school run and one trailing kid.

Mumsnet, provided it doesn't get into a shouty overexcited state of 'Leave him the bastard' (unlikely even for Mnet as you're going to have six children!) can sometimes be quite helpful on relationships .........

Kittywits,

Were you still in your pyjamas? No? Well I would be. Give yourself a break

She is. She's very boring too

kittywits, you sound like you are having a shit time and doing a brilliant job

kitty-i normally leave dd2 with dp when i take the kids to school in the morning but i took her with me and ds2 on the buggy board last tuesday.i dropped him off at nursery and walked off leaving dd2 in her pushchair in the playground.i did remember when i got to hte gate,but this is an 11 month old we are talking about!!
ds2 who is also 3 is a little sod for running off and i still have to take him most places in the pushchair unless i am feeling very brave.

fwiw,i think that woman sounds like a crap mum.wrapping kids in cotton wool doesnt prepare them for the real world

Thanks Diva, Dp is actually being very sweet about it, sort of feels a bit like a virtual hug. I'm not going to get any other sort though.

Oh don't feel bad, it was a mistake. I only have 3 kids and I find the school run a nightmare generally.

One thing I would say though is that you seem to have your hands more than full with your own kids, so if any friends ask you to pick up their kids again, do yourself a favour and say NO.
Until recently, I was running myself ragged taking my friends two kids to and from school with mine. I felt I couldn't refuse, but in the end I had to tell them it was too much.

Occasionally it is fine but don't let it become the norm.

I spent the weekend with a family with 5 kids, all grown up in their twenties, all gorgeous and mature and good company-- I just thought how fabulous to have such a big family and what a fantastic achievement. Made me want to have loads more kids! Anyway I'm digressing but just wanted to say how much richer your life is because of all your kids. Who cares if it's hard to keep track of them from time to time! Think of all the things that you do right not wrong

I'm the crappiest! I've only got 2 and managed to leave the younger one in the school playground . My feeble excuse was that she wasn't usually with me for the school run but on this occasion she was. I collected ds, walked to the car with him, drove off and along to the roundabout and was coming back past the school when a load of mums start waving frantically at me. So I cheerfully waved back - until ds suggested perhaps I ought to stop. Mrs Smug says 'Haven't you forgotten something?'. 'No' I reply all smug and pleased to have remembered to pick up ds on time! At which point she produces dd from behind her!!!! Yikes!!!!!!

That makes me feel better redsky

Thanks Bluejelly, as I said earlier I feel that I have to be extra good to show that I CAN look after so many, sad really.

when i was a baby my mom went to the local co-op, taking me out in my pram for the first time, and left me there.
She got all the way to her mothers house without me and when my nana ask "wheres the baby" my mother replyed "what baby" before mass panic broke out!!!

you dont even get a hug?
never mind depressed,i think i would have been admitted to the nut house by now if i'd been starved of affection by dp

anyway,why do we all feel so guilty about forgetting children?i have heard many a tale from the older generation,back in the days when they had those huge coach built prams,of babies being left outside shops and forgotten about.my exp's mother left his brother(who was about 6 weeks old at the time)outside woolies in his pram and didnt remember till she'd walked the 2.5 miles home.

x posts with kimi,but i rest my case

I feel like I should be there Diva, no wonder i'm feeling shall we say depressed.

I managed to go awol for the most part of an afternoon when I was at primary school before my poor mum realised I was gone! And I was an only child . Snotty cow at the school. You should have asked her if she'd be free to babysit one night next week!

i wouldnt take notice of any parent of one who tried to make you seem like you couldnt cope

ask her if she wants to look after yours for a bit to give you a break, or make a joke of it, eg " i send them to school every morning and they still find me at the end of the day, thought i was lucky this time"

That's a good one lou

i posted on 'feeling depressed' when i needed some relationship advice,as i felt the problems were more to do with my depression than anything else.

awwwww kitty i have only just read this thread! hope you are feeling better now. i can't imagine how you keep track of all your children i find it hard enough with one feisty 3 year old, at least my new baby is still in the womb so at the moment i can't lose him.. my dd always runs off, i nearly lost her at the fireworks display, quite frequently when she was a baby i used to get everything ready to go out and then almost leave her behind in the flat.. my parents have got countless stories about forgetting us / leaving us places and we all turned out ok (ish)

i HATE women like that woman !! they have no sense of compassion and believe me you are 1000 times a better mother than she is, even if she has CCTV monitoring her child's whereabouts at all times

hope you are ok xx