My kids are gigantic entitled lazy gits, is it too late to turn them around or are we all screwed?

[Barbarella]

We have a nice house and life
Plenty of cash
Cleaner comes 5 times a week
Nanny also here after school, 5 days

Cleaner is off over easter - I've just realised that none of them pick up after themselves AT ALL. Because cleaner or nanny always do it

I'm at home for ten days and am horrified by what entitled little swines they are. WWYD?

married or not, if they think everything vanishes by magic you've created the housemates from hell. This explains why I've had to give washing-machine lessons to gappies in the past. I've also had to teach the difference between a knife and a tin-opener, and why you don't use metal implements on non-stick pans. Many don't even know that you need oil/fat to fry in..

before starting battle, have a reasoned conversation and explain what you would like to happen.

As an aside, make them buy the cleaner a Christmas present out of their own money, as well as ensuring they thank her.

Or make them pay for the time the cleaner spends cleaning their rooms.

That would actually teach them the value.

Get your dc's to tidy, pick up after themselves, either with rewards (pocket money earned not a given) or with some consequences, You have created this situation. Broken record approach, even at this age reward good behaviour, even a smile. They will be picking up the negative vibes from you and won't be very happy.

I work full time, have a cleaner two hours once a week. My DS is 2.5 and is learning to tidy/put away things, if a packet of wipes are left out DS will wipe everything with them, including cat. Children learn by imitation so maybe they need to see you cleaning/tidying?

And teach them to cook!!!

I'm surprised at the cleaner 5times a week. Mom and dad had a cleaner when I was younger. They had 5 double bedrooms, 4bathrooms, 2 lounges, home office for dad, dining room, conseratory, large utility room, kitchen, big gallery landing type house - so not a mansion but fairly big compared to average. The cleaner came once a week for 2hours and even the oven sparkled like new - she was extremely efficient and did in 2hours, the same amount of cleaning it would take me and mom an entire day to do. The house however was always completely tidy ready for her arrival.

Then for the rest of the week the daily quick hoover round, wiping down kitchen worktops after use, washing up and plumping sofa cushions doesn't take long and can very easily be done by teenagers in the house, in a very short time. Picking up after yourself is a basic thing that everyone should be capable of - my mom and dad would have been furious if I'd left things for the cleaner to tidy up.

It will be incredibly hard for them to adjust if they can't for whatever reason afford what they are used to cleaning wise. Even though I was used to picking up after myself and doing day to day quick cleaning up, I wasnt used to needing to do a deep clean once a week. So when I left home I paid a cleaner out of a tiny wage to do the deep clean for me - that was my luxury rather than going out like normal 18yr olds. Now I'm a sahm and DH isn't on a particularly good wage and having to properly clean bathrooms, fully clean the kitchen, etc is hard. Ive never been able to get into it. We don't have the money to pay a cleaner now.

Sorry Mrsjayy no intention to have a go at you personally - I just cut and paste your quote to counter what many people were saying.

Are they suffering from Affluenza?

Ok I can give some perspective here from the kids' pov. I grew up in a household with permanent live-in domestic staff. My mother did the cooking but nothing else. I did not clean, wash, tidy, iron or anything until after I left home when I was 23 (after university). I wasn't an entitled git, that was simply the way life was, it was totally unremarkable at the time. (We were not horrible to our domestic workers either, far from it, but I don't want to turn this into a different kind of debate, about the rights and wrongs of domestic help etc).
Anyway, as an adult I am in fact very clean and self reliant, can run a household while doing a more-than fulltime job, can clean, cook etc (although I am crap at ironing so avoid that where possible). I am not lazy, entitled or living in a mess. I have had times when I have had cleaners and times when I haven't (at the moment I haven't). I don't doubt that your kids will need a bit of guidance or advice when they set out into the world but I should not imagine they will be floundering around in the mire just because they were lucky enough to grow up in a well-off environment. People can learn skills. I did.
Actually, I would probably do with them what I have always done with my own kids, even at the times when we have had a cleaner, and tell them to keep their own rooms clean (or otherwIse, the choice is theirs as long as there are not actually rats emerging from the door).

Pmsl at pothole on M11

If they can do simple cooking, and know how to do the laundry, and how to hygenically clean the bathroom, then don't worry too much about the mess- that is normal teenagers, bit just spoilt ones! Have a nag/ explain why it's not nice, but be reassured it is normal! But do make sure they know how to do the essentials.

*not just spoilt ones

Or perhaps you are creating budding modern artists?
static-secure.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2014/5/27/1401148274087/my-bed-tracey-emin-014.jpg

My mother did teach me to cook. The other things I picked up out of necessity as I went along. It's not rocket science, as they say! I think in fact growing up in a house where everything was always clean and tidy all the time has given me a low tolerance to mess and dirt and so made me more likely to keep things nice.

I didn't really do anything at home except look after younger siblings (a lot!) certainly didn't clean a bathroom.
University was catered college including a cleaner! Had to do our own washing, did not find this difficult! After uni I flat shared and was perfectly capable of cleaning the bathroom, kitchen, running a Hoover around.

Goodness, all this hand wringing about how your children will survive in the "real world".

Nonsense.

I came from a very wealthy background. Cleaner, ironing lady, gardener. I went to uni and I hadn't even made my own bed before, never cooked or cleaned. I also went in to catered halls for my first year.

And then I moved in to a shared house in second year....

And you know what? I got on just fine. Most were as messy and incompetent as me. The ones that struggled were the very self sufficient and often uptight ones.

Now? I'm a mother. A cleaner once a fortnight. That's it. And don't worry.... I have learned to cook, clean etc. Just fine. Your situation at 11, 15, 18 doesn't inevitably drive your situation as an adult.

I lived at home until I was almost 30 (common where I grew up) with most things done for me. I then found myself living in the UK on my own in my own flat. When I left, I could not boil an egg or operate a washing machine.

Guess what, I quickly picked up those skills. I generally keep a tidy organised home no matter how busy at work I was and even now, with dha and I working ft with 2 dcs. I cook a wide variety of delicious meals and taken up baking as well. It is not rocket science.

When I had to do it, I did it with aplomb.

I now have aupair domestic help but still have to yell at dcs 11 and 8 from time to time (along the lines of "I am not your servant!"). They are not great and will probably end up entitled like I was. But it is not a life sentence, hth. Their experience of living with dh and I will make them appreciate a clean and tidy home.

Well we are cutting our housekeeper's hours, partly because she picks up and panders to them far too much. We have talked about this lots,but she just can't help herself.

'Most were as messy and incompetent as me. The ones that struggled were the very self sufficient and often uptight ones.'

The ones not happy living in a stereotypical student shithole you mean?
DD found cooking in a filthy kitchen much more difficult to handle than the serial shagfests. That just required headphones to avoid being a part of.

Exactly what coffee and others have said. I hadn't made a bed, cleaned a bathroom or washed a dish before I was 23. At that age I also hadn't got the qualifications I have now, done the job I now do, earned a living, budgeted my household, borne or raised children, lived in different countries. It didn't mean I could not go on to do all those things

Sorry hag, I don't really understand your point.

Could each of them have one job a day? I wouldn't put the cleaner/housekeeper out of work, but it's a real pain having to pick up glasses and crisp packets on top of cleaning the house.

Agreed, Dudesmummy. Or they could end up with partners who do it for them instead. Or be rich enough to pay for labour so they don't have to.
The future's a wonderful place.

I remember once going up with a friend to stay with two other friends who were at different universities. We stayed one night with Friend A in one city then went across to another city and spent the next night with Friend B.

At school growing up, Friend A was quite independent like me. Friend B on the other hand was an only child and her mother did everything for her: cooking, cleaning, ironing.

When we arrived at Friend A's house we had to sleep on the floor. It was freezing cold. We traipsed out and got a takeaway. The cold was numbing. Fairly normal for student life I realise now but it was very new to me (I had never had to sleep on the floor before!) and I couldn't wait to get out of there.

We arrived the next night at Friend B's place (the mollycoddled one). She had persuaded two of her friends to lend us their bedrooms so we had somewhere nice to sleep. It was lovely and warm (OK fair enough she was in halls) and she had made us some cakes to welcome us. I think she cooked dinner as well.

It really surprised me how the one I thought wouldn't be able to do very much "looking after of guests" because her mum had always looked after her so much, was actually much better at it. Maybe because she had seen her Mum put herself out for her so much all her life she just followed that example.

(Anyway they are both lovely people and very hospitable, I am just comparing how they were domestically in that snapshot of time aged 19 or so.)