My kids are gigantic entitled lazy gits, is it too late to turn them around or are we all screwed?

[Barbarella]

We have a nice house and life
Plenty of cash
Cleaner comes 5 times a week
Nanny also here after school, 5 days

Cleaner is off over easter - I've just realised that none of them pick up after themselves AT ALL. Because cleaner or nanny always do it

I'm at home for ten days and am horrified by what entitled little swines they are. WWYD?

So your nanny and cleaner pick up after your children then so they think it's ok to drop rubbish at their backsides you need to get them told they have been treating the staff terribly you need to sit them down and tell them that you will be withdrawing privileges until further notice

Nanny is part time and will finish when youngest starts secondary

They don't 'treat staff terribly' - they don't see the cleaner, who comes when they're at school.

And make them apologise to the cleaner and nanny for making their job so much harder perhaps when the nanny comes back and have a word about how much she does for them

You could "sell" it to them as a life skills thing - learning how to run a home.
You will need to bribe them by withholding allowance, wifi, use of car etc

They expect people to pick up after them that is treating people terribly

Don't get me wrong if my kids could get away with it they would have me running after them too

It reminds me of the conversation I had with some of the deep cleaners at DD's uni. One of them said she opened the wardrobe to find it entirely filled with pizza boxes, mostly empty.
They'd rather live in filth, then walk off at the end of term and lose their deposit, because the money didn't matter to them. Someone else would clear up, it wasn't their problem.

A cleaner's job is whatever is agreed by them and their employer, not what random people on the Internet say it is. Loads of cleaners do a bit of tidying up etc. I love the fact that people think these kids are treating the cleaner terribly, but are then encouraging OP to cut her hours. I'm fairly certain she'd rather do a bit of tidying than have her hours, and therefore pay, cut.

I didn't say she had to get rid of her cleaner i said her kids could put their rubbish in the bucket maybe shove a glass in the kitchen

I agree, it's not about the cleaner, it's about the sort of adults that these three will turn into (one's adult already) and what sort of relationships they will have with housemates. Unless they continue to have a gilded lifestyle, have their own place and hire cleaners themselves. Possibly a silver service wench to polish those spoons?

'I'm at home for ten days and am horrified by what entitled little swines they are. '

18 years and you finally realised it?

Lololol at the silver spoons! They are privileged children, I agree.

Thanks for all of this, very interesting.

So you can either let them pick up their shit or wait until their nanny and cleaner come back what are you going to do ?

I've discovered something interesting about mine.

If there is only one at home they will tidy up (a bit) and at least put things in dishwashers.

If they are all there, none of them do anything. It's as though they realise that I can't figure out who left what where.

I find occasionally hysterical yelling is worthwhile

Ha ha at hysterical yelling

11yo has unloaded dishwasher this morning

"They expect people to pick up after them that is treating people terribly"

The parents are paying the cleaner to clean loos, wash, iron, hoover, all of which involve picking things up and moving them from one place to another (eg laundry) and/or removing dirt they have left behind. It's not a vast leap of imagination in a young person to stretch that to "pick up my dirty dishes and take them into the kitchen."

It's not "treating people terribly" it's "growing up with comprehensive domestic help which has left them not as independent as they ought to be" - which is what the OP is trying to address.

We don't have a nanny or cleaner and I am trying to get my DCs to take on more responsibility. Yes I should have had them hoovering, emptying dishwashers and doing laundry from 5 years old, but I chose not to. So now I am having to slowly get them to do things. It's not the crime of the century. Before they leave home I will make sure they can do stuff for themselves and won't expect others to do it for them. The OP is just trying to do the same.

To be fair, at five mine were very good domestically. From the ages of 5 til 12 they had chores, they kept their rooms (relatively) tidy, they helped around the house.

Then they became teenagers and they were here so seldom, and when they were they had homework to do, so things slipped.

And then I blinked, and they were suddenly young adults who didn't even se the mess. It's not that they deliberately leave it, I honestly think they don't notice.

Good post baloon slayer

Yes to blinking and they're nearly adults! :wistful:

I dont think they are entitled little swines .Seems to me that they are normal young people doing exactly what most young people do. And that is as little as they can get away with. I dont think the nanny and cleaner combination really have anything to do with their careless ways. I know lots of young people with lone parents and no outside help who are exactly the same.
If it bothers you that they don't instinctively tidy up after themselves you can set up extra rules with rewards and punishments in place. Its not too late for them to learn a new regime if you require it.

But unless they are deliberately making a mess for the cleaner or nanny to clear away I wouldn't change much really.

Please don't reduce the cleaners hours because of your children's failings though. Why should the cleaner suffer if her work has been more than satisfactory?

How on earth are your kids going to survive in the real world?

Can any of them cook, use the washing machine?

Do you need a nanny any more? I'd have thought at their ages they should be independent enough to not need someone looking after them all the time.

If they don't learn any basic life skills then yes, you've created monsters and I feel sorry for the poor sods they end up married to.

You aren't really giving them the chance to tidy up after themselves. Having a cleaner is saving you from having to argue with them about tidying up after themselves. I don't really see that as a problem.

Apart from making it clear they need to pick up when cleaner and nanny not here, there's not much that needs to be done. So go and get them and make them pick up, don't do it for them.

Think about what chores do need doing. Perhaps get then to cook a meal on a weekend.

Assume you / your dh are working hard to pay for their nice life. Make them learn that they need to appreciate that and contribute in their own way.

Also when they do leave home don't make life too easy for them on your money. Get them earning. Then they can afford cleaners/ nannies themselves one day.

I reckon they will learn to tidy up and look after themselves when they have to. Just don't let them live at home rent free til they're 30!

They will learn when they have to, butterfly, like we all did.

Mine are all great cooks, but it wouldn't occur to them to make a family meal. If I'm not there, they cook for themselves. If I was away they could use the washing machine etc. When we are on holidays they do their share of shopping/cooking/clearing up.

It's just that if it's done for them, why would they bother?

It's like if I'm staying in a hotel I don't clean the loo or make the bed. Yes I leave the room fairly clear, but I let the cleaners clean.

NFW will they live at home rent free until they're 30!

Thank you - mum has always looked askance at them when she's here because she doesn't think they do enough. But I'm simply not here to make them do it and equally, I don't want to clean my own house and neither does dh. So it's one of those things: buy help and it means kids don't have to do much (and neither do we) or don't buy help and spend evenings cleaning and arguing and making them do it.

They are aware that they're very lucky. Cleaner likes her job and I won't be cutting her hours.

I don't know why you are having a go at me in particular Balloonslayer other posters have said a lot worse leaving your personal rubbish and expecting them to pick it up is treating people badly especially at 18

Mine are like this in the house - they wouldn't dream of leaving litter in the street but leave crisp bags and biscuit wrappers wherever they fall inside. No cleaner here so it can't be that. They are cleaning rooms before being allowed online today.