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Parenting

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Original poster

Mind the Gap! How long did you leave between babies?

72 replies

lenny101 · 20/10/2006 15:08

I've just found out I'm expecting dc2. Hooray...... But ds1 is only 9 months old and still breast feeding. He had heart surgery at birth and for lots of reasons has been slow to take to food, but he's getting there. Considering tandem feeding though I know that's not easy.
I also use a wheelchair and am just starting to visualise managing a toddler and a newborn when i can't run after the former!

I just know we'll adapt but tell me about your age gaps. How did you manage?

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angeltaurus06 · 22/10/2006 09:58

hello

My first baby is now 9 and a half months, and im pregnant with baby no2, just nearly 4 months gone,
Have you got any tips on how to juggle a toddler and a newborn?

Danielle x

crayon · 22/10/2006 10:03

25 months between DS1 and DS2 and 36 months between DS2 and DS3. iT ALL FEELS QUITE EASY THIS TIME AROUND WITH THE BIGGER AGE GAP, BUT (oops sorry for caps, breastfeeding and not looking!)the first two are fantastic friends.

glitterchick · 22/10/2006 12:10

14 mths between my first two. Very hard, too short a gap. 3.5 years between child 2 and 3. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay easier to manage baby but gap prob to big although they get on really well. 2.5 year gap between child 3 and 4. Very hard to start with but deof getting easier. Baby 6 mths. Head done in sometimes but I have a really busy 'interesting' house and I love it. Wouldn't change a thing. Would like a break now & again. GOING TO SCOTLAND WITH NO KIDS & NO DH IN NOV. Can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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KristinaM · 22/10/2006 12:19

Congratulatiosn lenny!

I had 4 years and 17 months. Preferred the longer gap TBH.

Was also Bf frequently a 9mo when pg. I didnt want to wean him but and self weaned when i was about 6 montsh pregnant. I think he was put off by the change in the taste of the milk. I found the kellymom website really useful and read stuff here about tandem feeding.

Reece · 22/10/2006 15:11

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy glitterchick.

Have a great time.

glitterchick · 23/10/2006 19:44

Don't mean to keep harping on but can't wait

Piffle · 23/10/2006 19:49

ds 12
dd 4 (yesterday)
EDD for no 3 23/3
So is 9 yrs between ds and dd
will be 4.5 yrs between dd and new baby but 13 years between ds and new baby!

soph28 · 23/10/2006 20:53

16 mths between ds and dd who are now 19mths and 3mths. I love it- is hard work but not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. No jealousy issues, ds loves dd- was offering her banana and teacakes today!! I usually get at least one period in the day when they are both asleep and they both sleep through the night from 7pm.
The hardest stage for me was running around after a crawling baby whilst heavily pregnant- ds didn't walk till 16mths (week before dd was born!) Now that he's walking and I'm not pregnant it's much easier!

Tips- invest in a good double buggy.
Don't expect to be able to do much so have loads of things in the house to entertain a toddler (I reckon Cbeebies is a must for entertaining a toddler while bf a newborn baby.)
I agree with Spannia- better to give new baby less attention, in order to spend more time with toddler. For the first couple of weeks, I gave ds loads of extra attention and cuddles, and tried to involve him in helping with the baby (i.e. letting him put a wee bit of cream on her tummy after her bath etc)- this seemed to resolve any insecurities that might have developed and now he's brilliant with her.

Saying all that, I want a third but not as close together but that's more because I want a break from being pregnant, not because of how hard it is looking after 2 so close together!

Beauregard · 23/10/2006 20:58

I had an age gap of 4 years and 2 months between the dd's.

jura · 23/10/2006 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sexonlegs · 24/10/2006 15:02

Hi there. Baby 2 due a month before dd will be 4. I personally counldn't have handled anything less, but I admire those that can. I am sure whatever happens there is always a way of dealing with it.

Good luck.

babe1 · 24/10/2006 15:18

Between number 1 and 2, I had a gap of 2 years and 8 months. It seemed like a good gap. Both took quite a long time to fall pregnant with. Thought that would happen again, so didn't bother with contraception.... number 3 was on his way when number 2 was 4 months old (shock) by the time number 3 was born, I had one of not yet 4, one of 13 months and a newborn. Oh, and a Husband who was working away Monday to Friday and only coming home at weekends. Did wonders for my sanity. Hey, it can't have been that bad, we're here to tell the tale! (smile) It's actually worse now that numbers 2 and 3 are aged 6 and 7 and do their best every day to murder each other. To anyone pregnant with a young child, don't worry, it is possible to survive it. On reflection, I think I still prefer it to big gaps. It's nice to watch them grow up together.

By the way, I'm new to this site, what's all this dd and ds stuff? Am I right in assuming it means 'darling son' and 'darling daughter' ?

Overrun · 24/10/2006 15:21

I had a gap of 20 months. Many disadvantages of having such a small gap, but advantages included. No initial sibling rivalry as too young to remember that they had a been an only child. Also at 20 months not quite into the toddler tantrums yet

expatinscotland · 24/10/2006 15:22

2.5 years

emmymummy · 25/10/2006 07:56

dd will be nearly 5 when my little one arrives (due end April). It really took me years to want another baby so there was no way the gap was ever going to be smaller. I guess it has some advantages in that dd will be at school during the day so the baby will get my undivided attention, and it means that dd gets to be a 'little mummy' for me and will hopefully help with small jobs. Am very conscious that there may be some jealousy as dd has been the centre of our world, so will have to be very mindful of her needs and involve her as much as possible. Someone suggested buying her a present from the new baby to give her as soon as he/she arrives, which I think is quite sweet!
Good luck Lenny, you are one inspirational lady

annobal · 25/10/2006 08:48

16 months between ds1 and ds2 and, if all goes according to plan, 2.5 yrs (I've just found out I'm pg again). DS1 was v premmie so when DS2 came along it was a breeze. They now get along really well and play and entertain each other - ds1 is now 3 and ds2 is almost 2.

LadyOfTheFlowersAKA2Babies0Bum · 25/10/2006 12:01

lenny, ds1 was four months when i realised i was preg with ds2! Suprise was not the word! we wanted them close but naively thought it wouldnt happen that quickly as it took me a while to fall the first time.
i was panicking when i was hospital with ds2 after the birth and dh brought ds1 in to see me. watching him tear around my room i was thinking:
'oh. my. god. i am never going to manage once dh goes back to work- they will run me ragged'
but i do manage, ds2 is 6weeks on sunday and at the moment he fits quite well into ds1s routine.
you work out little strategies in your mind. for example. when loading the buggy, i get ds2 loaded and settled in there first then put ds1 in just before we leave the house to stop him kicking off.
you will work similar things out that work for you. dont worry. you will manage just fine.
us women always do!!

Lucybee · 25/10/2006 13:17

14.5 months, between ds1 and dd2 and 3, if twin girls don't make an early appearance. How busy am I going to be? Liked the comment about a trip to the park being a major event! sounds like that'll be us!

BexMum · 25/10/2006 18:42

Same gap as you and it's worked brilliantly - maybe a bit harder for 1st 10 months but once dd2 was mobile the pair of them were off and have been (almost ) inseperable since. Same gap as my brother & I & we're still v close 40 odd years later. Congratulations!

Bamzooki · 25/10/2006 21:37

dd was 5y 4mo when ds arrived. Not my choice of age gap but didn't expect to be able to have another baby. dd was a fantastic little mum and enjoyed being able to be involved and 'do' stuff for me. He was an easy baby to start with, slept and ate well, plus i had a helper. Sorted!
She is now nearly 9 and he is 3.5, and the gap is harder because he wants to do everything she does, and can't, and get mightily jealous and vocal about it. So it can be hard to find joint activities that suit both of them.
But ds adores his sister, and turns to her for comfort etc when I am not there, and she still enjoys being his surrogate mum when he will accept it.
I think there are pros and cons with all age gaps, and they change with the age of the kids. You just get on and deal with it, whatever you have!

pinkmagic1 · 26/10/2006 13:28

DD due in just over a week and my DS will be 2 and a half. Really starting to panic about how I will cope, not with a newborn but with my toddler as he is a real handful to say the least!

Lolabelle · 27/10/2006 11:37

pinkmagic i am due to the same problem with the same age gap in 6 months time and my toddler is ridiculously high maintenance that the pregnancy is proving hard enough!! My friends all tell me that you just cope somehow and i guess the second is easier in some ways than your first as you are already used to early mornings, routines and tantrums so you are more mentally equipped for the stress now!

Failing that i may talk to my parents and my dh's parents in advance and ask them to take my DD off me for a bit now and then so i can spend quality time with the new baby although being careful not too push the little lady out!

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