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Original poster

my neighbour assaulted my 5 year old!!!!

352 replies

hangingbyathread · 16/10/2006 16:18

saturday my dd was playing out front with the group when my neighbour in opposite house was coming back from the shop,my dd&her friend were standing in her way like kids do arms spread ect,she told my dd to move,when she didnt move she got her arm&shoved her out the way&my dd landed backwards in a bush,i have contacted the police&they have logged it as assault but now monday they still havnt come apparently they are "busy",iam fuming,i want to hit her but i know i will be arrested if i do,also what has upset me is i thought my friend&neighbour who dd plays with was my friend&to me loyalty is a big part of friendship but my friend has still carried on as normal,not stuck up for my dd&if it was me i would make it clear to the assaulter it is wrong to do that to a child(as i have said to her but got no response)also the problem i have now is my dd5 wants to go play out the front but i have tried explaining to her she cant until the police has been as the person may hurt her again as she obviouly thinks she"s got away with it as she has been sniggering&making gestures at me on the school run,what do i do iam so upset

OP posts:
HumphreyComfreyCushion · 16/10/2006 17:17

Were you outside with your DD when this happened?

I hadn't noticed how young your DD is until I re-read the thread just now.

At 5 years old a child needs to be supervised outside the home; they are not old enough to be able to cope with conflict with other children, let alone conflict with adults IMO.

justaphase · 16/10/2006 17:18

Agree calling the police was OTT.

I think what my parents would have done was take me to the neighbour and make ME apologise. At which point the neighbour would also apologise and we all live hapily ever after.

Happened to me in a similar situation when I was a child - hit a classmate because she was slagging me off behind my back, she told her dad, he came and smacked me. I told my mum and she made me apologise to my classmate who then apppologised back and said her dad was sorry too.

To this day I remember this and think it was unfair. I do not feel scarred by the experiense.

I do understand now that it was the better solution in the long term. I think my mum was a very wise person.

Original poster
hangingbyathread · 16/10/2006 17:22

piglit no i was on the doorstep but didnt see it as dds friends&the neighbours is behind a few conifer trees but ill point out again i did try&talk to neighbour but she blanked me

OP posts:
mummydear · 16/10/2006 17:22

I agrere that the lady was a bit heavy handed with your daughter but do not agree about calling the police, sometimes we have to deal with matters overselves .

the police are NOT going to go round to your neighbours and ask her to apologise and tell her it was wrong etc , because where is the eveidence that she has done any wrong, Are YOU going to amke a statement ? are you going to allow YOUR CHILD to be interviewed by specialist police officers - I doubt it very much.

Speak to the neighbour in a polite manner and tell her that you felt it was wrong of her how it upset your child etc etc. Be prepared perhaps for the backchat you may get about your daughter not moving out of the way etc etc but rise above it.

Involving the police will only make matters worse and the trouble today is that people do not know how to resolve conflict eitther without turning to the authorities or resorting to violence themselves.

Original poster
hangingbyathread · 16/10/2006 17:24

so i fshe blanks me what do i say/do

OP posts:
Glassofslime · 16/10/2006 17:25

bask in the knowledge that you did the right thing and she did not.

madmarchscare · 16/10/2006 17:26

Apologise for you(I imagine you have been doing some chelping) and your daughters behaviour and walk away the better person.

HumphreyComfreyCushion · 16/10/2006 17:30

I'd just phone the police and tell them you're dropping the issue for now (unless the bush wants to press charges!)

You've tried to talk to the woman, but she's not interested.

Having the police go round is going to do nothing except make her less likely to be kind to your daughter next time she sees her.

Explain to your daughter that the neighbour shouldn't have pushed her, but that she should have moved out of the way when asked, as adults don't always want to play games.

I can understand that you are livid with this woman, but I think it would be in everyone's best interests to move on.

And IMO it would be a good idea to supervise your daughter more closely when she's playing out in the street - if you had been there you could have asked her to move aside, and the problem wouldn't have arisen.

mummydear · 16/10/2006 17:30

If she blanks you then at least you have tried . But try and get her so she will not blanl you , be polite see it from her point of view . She is proably a bit embarassed about what happened, and thinks that you are going to knock her block off !

Do you get on with this neighbour anyway ? If you don't get on with her then I assume there maybe a bit of history between you which by involving the police will make matters worse.

The police haven't repsonded to you as this incident is way down on their list as a priority.

Original poster
hangingbyathread · 16/10/2006 17:32

oh ok ill apologise for my actions&what are they exactly&as for dd"S ACTIONS why would i apologise when she is the victim

OP posts:
mummydear · 16/10/2006 17:32

(unless the bush wants to press charges!) call Special Branch ...

Sorry couldn't resist

HumphreyComfreyCushion · 16/10/2006 17:34

Mummydear!

mummydear · 16/10/2006 17:35

Apologise for your DD actions but say that it didn't require the repsonse of being 'pushed'. Sometimes we have to eat humble pie. Your DD must also be made to realise the consequence of her actions aswell.

lulumama · 16/10/2006 17:38

ROFL at special branch!!

Original poster
hangingbyathread · 16/10/2006 17:38

if it wer a kid yes i would but not an adult,we as adults should lead an example not the example if your bigger push&shove

OP posts:
Glassofslime · 16/10/2006 17:39

Because your dd was wrong, she may be a child and therefore forgiven for it, but she was wrong. I can picture it, you've had a bad day, got a million and one things to do, rush to get home and a small child plays passwords with you. It's the last thing you need - I could see that an adult in this situation might get a bit fed up, but once again no she should have pushed. Do you really not realise that you daughter wasn't entirely blamless?

Glassofslime · 16/10/2006 17:40

oops blameless and another PMSL at special branch

lulumama · 16/10/2006 17:40

exactly - lead by example

open the lines of communication

behave with grace, dignity and a touch of humility

accept your DD was being a bit silly and i'm sure you will get an apology and be able to teach your daughter about responsibility and other important life lessons..

mummydear · 16/10/2006 17:41

And as an adult you should be able to resolve matters like this and talk to the other party involved in a calm adult manner.

It would appear that your DD was not an angel in this incident .

Pinotmum · 16/10/2006 17:41

Have you told your child she was in the wrong to play this game with an adult who had asked her to move? Children need to know what is acceptable and what is not and that example comes from the parent.

Hideehi · 16/10/2006 19:09

I would have punched her by now !

Seriously I can understand why you called the police and it'll be logged if she does it again she'll have form, I don't think you can expect anything more from them.
Personally i will never be allowing my children to play in the street, it's just a bad idea full stop, what's wrong with your garden ?

izzybiz · 16/10/2006 19:52

I cannot believe that all you mums are saying if someone pushed your 5 year old child over in the street, you would say sorry to them
WTF?

Im very sorry but i also dont believe that you all have such wonderful children that they would never try and play a silly game?
She is 5 FFS.

She could have kicked the neighbour in the shins, its no excuse to push her to the ground.
The neighbour had every right to see the childs mother about it, but to put her hands on someone elses child is OUT OF ORDER!

Am parping myself now!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 16/10/2006 20:00

It does seem like an over-reaction to call the police without getting any clarification from the neighbour to get her side of things - particularly since you didnt see what happened.

lulumama · 16/10/2006 20:02

i believe most people have said that the girl was wrong to get in the way and the adult was wrong to push her....

and that no-one said that either behaviour was acceptable!

and both sides could apologise and start afresh..

moaningpaper · 16/10/2006 20:04

izzybiz if I was confronted on a pavement while I was laden with shopping by a 5 year old and an 8 year old blocking my way, I would probably be scared and intimidated. It sounds as though they were preventing her from entering her own house. I'm not surprised she was pissed off. What should she have done? Found out who their parents were, had a nice chat? Probably. But I expect she was just knackered and as mad as hell. She over-reacted but the behaviour of the children was very wrong.

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