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Original poster

still sleeping in my bed

62 replies

oliviabr · 16/10/2006 00:20

Hi,My son is 13 months old and an absolute delight in the day... I put him to bed at 7pm absolutely fine - everynight he is perfect,however he is still waking up for his 10pm feed and once he has had it he goes back to sleep until 12pm and then wakes up and wont go back to sleep unless he is in my bed. Any advice welcome !!

OP posts:

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MummyPig · 16/10/2006 02:05

Is it a problem? Does he sleep okay once he's in your bed? I find I quite enjoy ds2 (2y3m) coming into our bed for his feeds in the middle of the night, but I know it depends on your situation and sleeping arrangements. We have a super-king size bed turned around so it is wider than it is long, so all four of us can sleep in it on occasion, although ds1 usually stays in his own bed. Ds1 went through a patch of waking frequently, and until we changed our bed, it was a bit difficult having all four of us together. I would usually end up being tough and just moving ds1 back into his own bed.

If you want to gently break your ds of his habit of coming into your bed, I recommend 'the no cry sleep solution for toddlers and preschoolers' by Elizabeth Pantley. Can't remember all of her suggestions, but one was to give a small present from the 'night fairy' or something like that, for every night he sleeps in his own bed. Another one was to write a story with your ideal bedtime routine in it ... x has a bath, gets into his pajamas, brushes his teeth, has a story, has a feed, and sleeps in his own bed until the morning, and mummy and daddy are very happy . The idea was that if you read it enough times the child will start to follow the instructions!

Callisto · 16/10/2006 12:54

DD still sleeping with me at 18m and I don't even have the excuse of night feeds. If everyone is happy go with the flow.

Momoftwo · 17/10/2006 10:09

I know how you feel. My first child slept with me until he was 3! He used to wake up about 8 to 10 times a night and would only go back to sleep when nursing. I don't know if this would work with yours at his age, but I told mine that when he was 3 (you could use 2 or 2 1/2?) that we wouldn't have 'milk' at night any more. He moved into his own room in a new bed with a Bob cover (very important for him!). He would wake up about 2 in the morning and want to nurse, but I just sat next to his bed and told him that I would stay until he slept, but no nursing. It took about 3 weeks, but then he cracked it. He is now nearly 4 1/2 and is a brilliant sleeper! I only hope that my 8 month old, who is following in his brother's footsteps (do you have footsteps in bed?!?) and sleeping with me, waking about 8 times a night.....

I would also recommend what another mum said and try the 'No Cry Sleep Solution'. If you do not want your little one to cry it out, but you want him to sleep in his own bed, try the suggestions in this book.

Good luck, and don't let it stress you out. If it doesn't bother you, it shouldn't bother anyone else. But if it bothers you, try something!

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Socci · 17/10/2006 10:14

Message withdrawn

fondant4000 · 17/10/2006 10:32

I'm still sleeping half the night in dd's room (3.5)!

With the feeding/sleeping. I found that if I slept in same room, but not same bed, she decreased demand. We started with a single bed next to our double bed, and then dd moved into her own room, with me going into her if she woke and sleeping there.

Perhaps you cd try putting a bed or even a ready bed next to your bed so that after a cuddle he is next to you, but not up close?

Spannapiana · 17/10/2006 10:58

I have 2 kids, 5 and 4.5 months. Both have slept through since 8 weeks in own room. The trick? Don't allow them in bed in the first place! Yes, in the morning they come onto bed and play, but no no no in the night if you want to keep your husband!!

fondant4000 · 17/10/2006 11:21

Ermmm, I've still got my husband thanks

Spannapiana · 17/10/2006 11:34

Lucky you! What does he have to say about your sleeping arrangements?

Back and Rod springs to mind...

clumsymum · 17/10/2006 11:43

Spanna ...

I have always thought the same as you. Adding a baby into our relationship was pretty stressful, caused some difficulties between us for at least the first 2 years (now strong as a rock, thank God).

But I think if DS had been constantly there, 24 hours a day, sharing our bed too, it would have just been too much, for me as well as for dh.

I never encouraged ds to sleep in our bed, and he has always been a good sleeper (altho an early riser), just lucky I guess. In fact when ds was about 3 he went to stay over with my BIL and his partner for a night, and I was incensed that he slept with them (not even his parents, and they hadn't asked if it would be O.K.).

fondant4000 · 17/10/2006 11:47

It's different for everyone isn't it? He's quite happy about it ta

To be honest, I couldn't be bothered to get up several times a night to breastfeed when dd was small.

You are very lucky to have a 4.5 month old child who will sleep through the night. Most people do not, and it is not because they haven't tried the same approach as you.

I don't think my dd would have got enough to eat if she had no bf at night and no solids during the day at 4.5 months, again you're very lucky that your child can get by on just breastfeeding during the day.

Count yourself lucky but your advice is not necessarily going to work for everyone (and neither is mine)

clumsymum · 17/10/2006 11:57

not advice Fondant, just chatty comment really

Tatties · 17/10/2006 11:57

Totally agree with you Fondant. My 18mo ds comes into our bed sometime between 10pm and midnight. We are all happy with the arrangement, as we all get a better night's sleep that way. And it is actually rather lovely. Olivia there is nothing wrong with co-sleeping if you are happy with the arrangement, you don't have to stop just because you feel you 'should'. Of course if you are not enjoying co-sleeping then there are gentle ways of discouraging it, but I think the fact that your son won't go back in his own bed is an indication that he still needs you during the night.
Spanna it really isn't as simple as 'not letting them into your bed in the first place'...

Spannapiana · 17/10/2006 13:14

It really is that simple, actually...

Stretch out the feeds, make sure last one is a really decent one and get a good night's kip! Yes, ealy risers, both of them, but gets me up in time for school run! (Early being 7am ish).

I have never once had to sleep in my children's room, and don't plan to. We don't eat in the middle of the night, sooner they learn the better.

Spannapiana · 17/10/2006 13:18

Oh and fondant...

Who said anything about just breastfeeding during the day??? My baby's now on formula milk and solids during the day, and sleeps like a baby at night. (Or should do )

fondant4000 · 17/10/2006 13:25

Spannapiana, formula and solids might explain why your baby sleeps through don't you think?

However, the recommendation (for health reasons) is that babies should NOT have solids until at least 6 months, and should be breastfed if possible.

So, yes, it's that simple if you're prepared to ignore all the health advice, but no it's not that simple if you're trying to follow the health advice.

Spannapiana · 17/10/2006 13:38

You are correct in saying that you should try to refrain from solids until 6 months, well done, you've done your research. However, I've yet to meet a baby who doesn't need solids before that.

I sought advice from my health visitor who recommended that my child had solids as and when he needed it. The general rule is when a baby sleeps through the night consistently and then starts waking, he needs more than just milk alone(in my case, last week...4.5 months old).

Incidentally, I was just breastfeeding at 8 weeks, and have had 2.5 months of a good night's sleep.

calebsmum · 17/10/2006 15:12

My son was BF and he didn't need solids till he was 6mths. Giving a baby solids too early just to get a decent nights sleep is stupid imo. Babies do tend to wake for other reasons than hunger, maybe they just what comfort and reassurance?? i can't see how stuffing food in their mouths is going to solve that. My son is 19mths, weaned and still sleeps in our bed from about 2am onwards, it's not forever and we are all happy with it.

earlgrey · 17/10/2006 15:14

Well, here's one to put the wind up you!

dd1's 8 and won't go to bed unless I kip with her!!!

fondant4000 · 17/10/2006 15:48

EG, do you have another dc? Are they different? or do you have several beds you have to sleep in

Just wondered, as I've got a baby on the way and curious to see if she will be different from dd1!

Callisto · 17/10/2006 16:18

Ooohhh, Spanna, you're one of these irritating, patronising types who has the perfect little baby who slept 7-7 from the day it was born.

Olivia, ignore 'rod for your own back' comments. They help no-one and least of all your baby.

Callisto · 17/10/2006 16:19

And by the way, I have met plenty of babies who were perfectly happy on breast milk until six months, my own included.

Spannapiana · 18/10/2006 09:05

I have 2 very happy children thanks, and a healthy sex life in a childless bed...hurrah!

purplemonkeydishwasher · 18/10/2006 09:13

Spannapiana - each to their own.
I'm glad that what you did with your kids worked for you. I wouldn't have worked for me and for many of us.
There are A LOT of MNetters that sleep with their LO and a lot more who BF for an extended period of time. and that works for us.
We still have sex lives, we have happy DHs and we get sleep.
Oh, and for the record - there are many many people (me included) who made it to the 6 month mark (and past) with solids.
IN other countries (eg canada) very few start solids before 6 motnhs. most start even later than that.

Wordsmith · 18/10/2006 09:22

My first child was brilliant, my second not so brilliant. Like Spannia, I thought it was just a matter of being firm! Oh what a rude awakening I had with no 2. We followed exactly the same routines, but he wasn't having any of it. Now he's 2 and a half, he wakes a couple of times every night. He tried to come into bed with us but we have managed to persuade him to get back into his own most of the time. However, Spannia, just wanted to add to the comments that yes you are lucky that it's worked with you twice. It doesn't always work with every child, and I've come to believe that what works for you is best for you, if you get my drift.

Oliviabr - not sure if this would work but perhaps you could try dropping the night time feeds? he's obviously still in the habit of waking up and thinks he'll get something, perhaps he needs to learn otherwise!!

Good luck anyway.

fondant4000 · 18/10/2006 13:11

Spannia, you know you really should report your health visitor for giving out such terrible advice

Please tell her current medical advice is:

Sleep in the same room as your baby for the first 6 months
NO solids for 6 months. No baby should need solids under that age, if they are hungry they need milk.
Breastfeed if possible for at at least a year, (WHO's recommendation is up to 2 years old).

She really ought to get retrained.....

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