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still sleeping in my bed

62 replies

oliviabr · 16/10/2006 00:20

Hi,My son is 13 months old and an absolute delight in the day... I put him to bed at 7pm absolutely fine - everynight he is perfect,however he is still waking up for his 10pm feed and once he has had it he goes back to sleep until 12pm and then wakes up and wont go back to sleep unless he is in my bed. Any advice welcome !!

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Spannapiana · 19/10/2006 19:18

P.S. to lockets...my husband wouldn't leave us either, but to get it right sooner than others has put people off on a tangent it seems! If you can't rant, fc off seems to be the rule on this site, sadly..

lockets · 19/10/2006 19:31

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Spannapiana · 19/10/2006 19:42

"he loves the children and me and is not so shallow as to leave over something like co sleeping" Just not sure of your undertones?

Just the mentality. I have already said that every child is different and there's no right or wrong. I happen to live in a society and community where people generally speaking would prefer to have a good night's sleep with their husband alone, without childeren causing a disturbance. So many go on about it, it's untrue. Yet seem unwilling to take advice from what works. That's all.

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blueshoes · 19/10/2006 21:10

spanna, if people "seem unwilling to take advice from what works" as you say, its because there is nothing in your "advice" which is states anything more than the blinding obvious. Sorry, but even my MIL is more creative in her solutions.

Callisto · 19/10/2006 21:13

Spanna, you are quite unbelievably patronising. Lucky you to 'get it right' but only you seem to think the rest of us have got it wrong. Please stop whacking people over the head who don't agree with you or think you're marvellous.

lockets · 19/10/2006 21:19

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Callisto · 19/10/2006 21:22

I'd ignore her Lockets, she just wants a reaction.

FrannyandZooey · 19/10/2006 21:24

Olivia, I am another happy ex-co-sleeper here

We had ds in our bed until he was 3 and I can honestly say it is the one single thing, other than breastfeeding, that has made the most difference to our lives as parents and to the happiness of our ds. I would thoroughly recommend anyone who feels they could benefit from co-sleeping to give it a try. We loved it and ds happily moved to his own room without any trauma or fuss when he was ready.

Spanna, I am sorry to break this news which may come as a bit of a shock to you, but it is possible to have sex in other places than the bedroom

lockets · 19/10/2006 21:30

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aviatrixortreat · 19/10/2006 22:19

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EggyBreadAndBeans · 19/10/2006 23:53

Hi Olivia. I'm with those who say go with the co-sleeping flow. Apparently, 90% of the world do it (don't ask me where I read that), while researchers at the Centre for Child Mental Health advocate co-sleeping until age five ... so it can't be sooooo bad .

But equally, if someone can get their baby/toddler sleeping happily in their own bed without upset, that seems fine to me.

We're late to co-sleeping - it was attempted but didn't work at all in ds's early weeks, but I have been sleeping with ds since moving house in May, a month before his second birthday. By and large, I'm happy with it. The snuggles are great, and I would agree wholeheartedly with Franny that you can see how much it bolsters him - confidence-wise, emotionally, security-wise, etc. I sleep in a whopper bed in ds's room, and dp sleeps in our whopper bed in our room, which suits us all fine at the moment - not least because dp is going through a phase of snoring really loudly!

Sex isn't a problem, either - as another poster said, there are more times and places for this than your own bed in the evening. And plus, our bedroom is still ours, iyswim.

I plan to co-sleep with ds until he's ready to sleep alone (that said, I'm hoping it won't be when he's 10, as it was for a friend's daughter!). The only major gripe I have with it (and I suppose nothing's perfect) is that ds takes ages to go to sleep, so I lay with him for usually 1 to 1-and-a-half hours every evening while he winds down and eventually nods off. This drives me crazy some (well, lots) of the time. I wish he'd go to sleep by himself, and then I'd join him for the rest of the night; we haven't been able to have friends over for dinner/the evening since we moved, and I need time for myself.

But again, you can really see the benefits, so we'll be doing it a while longer. It's worth adding, too, that many co-sleepers don't experience this much of a drawn-out bedtime, so it can be all-round great .

Enjoy it. In my most frustrated moments, I remind myself that this snuggle time would be something you'd sooooo want to experience again, if you could, when you're 80. It?s precious.

Spannapiana · 20/10/2006 09:38

My god, I never knew you could have sex somewhere other than the bedroom...how naive of me!

I'm not continuing with this as everyone seems to say that what they do works. I personally prefer to sleep alone with my husband, and the kids sleep in their own rooms. Everyone is happy, bedtime's a dream routine. Once the kids have said goodnight and the door's closed, my husband and I have our alone time for the rest of the evening. It's invaluable. I hope that me and him are still snuggling when we're 80.

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