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Original poster

still sleeping in my bed

62 replies

oliviabr · 16/10/2006 00:20

Hi,My son is 13 months old and an absolute delight in the day... I put him to bed at 7pm absolutely fine - everynight he is perfect,however he is still waking up for his 10pm feed and once he has had it he goes back to sleep until 12pm and then wakes up and wont go back to sleep unless he is in my bed. Any advice welcome !!

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clumsymum · 18/10/2006 13:24

Fondant my love, calm down.

Yes, current advice is that ideally children should not have solids until 6 months. BUT my ds is now 7, and when he was a baby most people started some solids earlier, in our case ds was 4 1/2 months, and he was ready. He was a big baby, and wanted something in addition to milk (or wanted to feed almost continually).

All the children of his generation who were started on solids earlier than 6 months are not condemned to die earlier or whatever horrors you may imagine.
Children (and their parents, and their circumstances) are all different, even across the UK, never mind across the world.

Some HV's have the experience to recognise that, and give advice appropriately. Textbook "rules" just add pressure to parenting in some cases.

fondant4000 · 18/10/2006 14:08

All I'm saying is that hvs should generally be following the govt's advice on feeding and weaning, not relying on the way things were when they first became hvs.

And no, I don't happen to think that an hv's experience is superior to medical research which shows that it is better to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months, if you possibly can.

Mums need support, not pressure, I agree. They should be supported in making the choices and doing the things that feel right to them.

Saying that all babies can sleep through, and the best way to get your baby to sleep is to give them formula and introduce solids early, and if they're not sleeping through or need more feeds you must be doing something wrong is not supportive IMO.

Spannapiana · 18/10/2006 14:34

When did I say that solids were given early in order to ensure they sleep through the night?!
I can only say what worked for me, and it wasn't just down to luck. Government advice is only a guide, each baby is different and only the mum and baby knows when the time is right to introduce solids or stop breastfeeding. Read my first post Fondant, and get your head out of the textbooks...trust on your instinct and you might be less stressed hence a happier baby who gets a good night's sleep.

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fondant4000 · 18/10/2006 14:45

I'm happy, my dd's happy, my dh's happy thanks Spannia.

I'm glad you're happy too. Not all babies are the same, so I'm afraid there is an element of luck - as other posters have said. You can follow the same procedure and get one baby that sleeps and one that doesn't.

I don't read text books, I do trust my instincts and every mother should do what's right for her baby, for her and for her family.

I'm not going to add to this thread any more as I don't think it's very helpful that you're implying that anyone who has a baby who wakes in the night must be 'unhappy' or 'sad', you've got it right, and the way anyone else does it is wrong and they've only got themselves to blame.

And with that, she exits stage left pursued by a bear......

Spannapiana · 18/10/2006 14:47

See ya lol

MrsApron · 18/10/2006 14:51

you know spanna it is perfectly possible to give an alternate point of view without being critcal.

and yes of course you can ignore all the advice you want despite it being for your babies health benefit. just dont patronise others who put their babies health and well being before their own.

Spannapiana · 18/10/2006 16:14

There are lots of things I do with my children which follow health guidelines. As said before, each to their own. I don't think that giving solids earlier than 6 months is such a shocking thing to do, I have a healthy 5 year old who I did exactly the same with; the babies take the lead in letting you know when they need more than milk alone. I really think we're all going round in circles here. I find it very sad that some people don't read posts properly! I have not criticised anybody...some people really are the reason for programmes like supernanny, they get into bad habits and then come on here asking for advice, which I've given.

MrsApron · 18/10/2006 16:25

Spannapiana

I have not criticised anybody

Back and Rod springs to mind...

you clearly missed your back with your rod..

Spannapiana · 18/10/2006 16:32

Ho ho ho, success! Finally someone with a sense of humour! The back and rod comment was due to people who clearly get into bad habits and then moan about their children not sleeping through! I challenge anyone who says that sleeping half the night in their child's room is an ideal situation.

Wordsmith · 18/10/2006 16:32

when i had ds1 the advice was to wean at 4 months, now it's 6 months. i did it at 4 months with both of mine. don't think an hv should be struck off for recognising that all babies are different. a baby who's gone 2 weeks over term will effectively be a month older than one that was 2 weeks early.

Wordsmith · 18/10/2006 16:34

i discovered the hard way that when you make the rod/back comment it usually comes back to hit you!

blueshoes · 18/10/2006 17:21

fondant, I'm with you. Co-sleeping/bf-ing works for my family. I co-slept with dd until ds was born. Dd 3 now co-sleeps with dh and I co-sleep with ds. Once ds is old enough, they will both co-sleep. My dd is already looking forward to that day.

Funnily, my dh is still hanging around ...

Bad habits are only in the eyes of the beholder. Oliviabr, I would not worry about rods and backs. One of the best advice I had was to just go with the flow and not worry about "bad habits". You only need to change something if and when it becomes a problem.

blueshoes · 18/10/2006 17:22

wise words from wordsmith!

hangingbyathread · 19/10/2006 17:02

Spannapiana has a habbit of always being right&having the last word im afraid,lets hope she never neads advice

Spannapiana · 19/10/2006 17:06

We must stop meeting like this, Hangingbyathread! Thank goodness I don't want to "deck" my neighbours in true style or call the police and waste their time as you seem to be doing! Good luck!

hangingbyathread · 19/10/2006 17:09

well at least ive got a life in the real world!

Spannapiana · 19/10/2006 17:13

erm...you've posted on this topic 60 times plus fyi...what was that about a life?!

Spannapiana · 19/10/2006 17:13

not this one, sorry...the alleged assault one, beg your pardon

hangingbyathread · 19/10/2006 17:14

it was a thread i started iam obliged to answer but u not

Spannapiana · 19/10/2006 17:17

Please don't bore everyone to death on this thread too...they'll stumble across you soon enough I'm sure lol

hangingbyathread · 19/10/2006 17:18

Spannapiana aww your so kind goodbye

Spannapiana · 19/10/2006 18:26

Hurrah! See ya! Maybe my kids will be playing password in a neighbourhood near you soon

ChiTownLady · 19/10/2006 18:47

I think this has gone otally off tangent - Olivia was looking for some advice -

If the co-sleeping is not an ideal situation for you Olivia then clearly there are some techniques that can work. My ds now 3.5 woke 5-6 times a night until he was about 15months - at this point my dh started a new job and was away a lot and i felt I couldnt cope with such little sleep that i was getting - up and down and co-sleeping after I had enough of getting up and down that I knew I had to address the issue.

I essentially did a very very weak controlled crying - ie when he woke first time i went into him and told him hush its nightime its time for sleep, tucked him in and left the room, I left him for 30 seconds then went back in then next time 1 minute... he did eventually settle, but each time he woke up I did EXACTLY the same routine. Once I had decided that I wanted to sleep through the nigh myself i knew that i needed to be consistent. After 3 nights of this I extended the time i took before i went into him initially to 1 minute and 3 days after that 2 minutes. I never had to go beyond 2 minutes as by about night 8 ne had it cracked...and has slept pretty beautifully since.

I think there is a difference in happilly co-sleeping ( where child and parents are happy with this situation - there is enough room in bed for all to be comfy) and tooing and froing to a childs bedroom and eventually bringing them into co-sleep because you are too knacjered to do anything else....

Olivia - hope this helps in someway

lockets · 19/10/2006 19:08

This reply has been deleted

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Spannapiana · 19/10/2006 19:16

People really need to read posts properly... I SAID...

"I challenge anyone who says that sleeping half the night in their child's room is an ideal situation."

I also said

" Stretch out the feeds, make sure last one is a really decent one and get a good night's kip! Yes, ealy risers, both of them, but gets me up in time for school run!"

Are people really that twitchy about people who get things right these days? It astounds me.

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