What did you do while baby slept?

[squizita]

My dd is 3 months and sleeps well at night in the main.

In accordance with safety guidelines I stay with her when she's asleep, at all times. OK for day naps in the living room, pram or sling ... but baby bedtime means 2-3 hr in a dimly lit bedroom before I can sleep myself.
Apart from mumsnet and Netflix what can I do.

To be brutally honest I feel almost trapped and really down about it. Sitting in the dark every night for 6 months for fear of SIDS. How did you distract yourself?

Sorry, why are you sitting with her whole she sleeps in the evening? Is this really current advice?

I really don't think you have to stay with the baby all the time!

Never did that. Any time she slept and I wasn't tired was valuable Me Time. Set yourself free!

Yes. From the NHS. Sleeping babies under 6 months must have an adult in the room at all times. DH helps but if he's working etc it's me.

I feel guilty resenting it but it's like being grounded as a kid!

Yes it is current advice as research shows it reduces risk of cot death. Doesn't mean everyone does it though as that is down to individual choice.

Well, my baby didn't sleep much at all until she was 2, so I may not be the best person to respond!

But we had an Angelcare monitor which would set off an alarm if it didn't detect movement for a certain period of time, so I felt happy enough leaving her (she was in a co-sleeper until 4 months anyway).

I don't ever recall seeing that you can't leave them alone - just that they should be in your room until 6 months.

One suggested reason for this (iirc) is that your breathing and movement at night keeps them in a lighter state of sleep and therefore reduces the risk of SIDS. The same reasoning is applied to giving them a dummy.

But mine wouldn't sleep or take a dummy so we were very clear that she definitely wasn't in a deep sleep .

To be honest we had DD with us downstairs until 4 months but then put her upstairs in our room and we came down and had some relaxation time/ate dinner etc. She wouldn't sleep properly with any light/noise/TV and was getting over tired. I weighed up the risk of leaving her on her own with the risk of me losing my sanity never getting a minutes peace. We have a video monitor so could always see her. She's gone down to bed on her own every night at 7pm since (now 13 months) so I don't regret it at all.

Cross post. Those NHS guidelines are mad. And a sure fire way to make sure that parents are so knackered and stressed that they are more likely to co-sleep unexpectedly and risk harm

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/getting-baby-to-sleep.aspx ... says for the first six months the baby should be in the same room as you when they sleep, both day and night.
Several HCP have confirmed this - accepting it's a drag but it's "for the best".

I have anxiety after several miscarriages so am extremely risk averse. I like to do things "by the book" or I feel very guilty and worry!

OP I recommend a movement sensor or video monitor to reduce anxiety - you will be warned in case of inactivity!

Yeah shootthemoon I have been so tired I'd fear i'd drop her or fall asleep feeding.

She sidecars me (her sleepyhead set on the empty side of a double bed and I'm on the other following safe Co sleep rules anyway... so near but not quite Co sleeping).

Baby in moses basket, downstairs to start with, then pick up whole basket and carry upstairs later when you go to bed. "Baby bedtime" could be done first then brought downstairs if part of a bath/bed routine anyway.

Baby will sleep better in general if not always dark and silent to sleep, or could consider wifi headphones for telly etc.

Good grief, that advice seems very ott! I would suggest to keep baby with you when you can, and put her in her cot with a monitor when you can't! Is she happy to sleep in a travel cot downstairs?

I just can't believe the pressure that such a guideline puts you under, no wonder you feel trapped! And of course you want to do things by the book... Bonkers!

...there's no case of a 'false sense of security' with those is there? (Guess who had the proper fear put up her at ante natal lol!).

Evening sleeps in the Moses basket or carry cot downstairs. Took him up when I went to bed or cluster fed from 6pm until midnight and lost that worry

Knotty she has a basket for naps downstairs, put prefers a sleepy head upstairs for night. So young and already has her quirks! Mind you we have a tv and sofa in the other bedroom so could set it up more like a tv room!

At that age I kept DS downstairs until we were ready to go to bed. I didn't know about the advice then (6 years ago) but it felt like the right thing to do, I was pretty clingy I didn't like him being upstairs on his own.

From about 8 months when he started crawling I used to feed him to sleep on the bed and then come down but had a baby monitor.

I am gobsmacked that this is current nhs guidance, I would have gone stark staring bonkers if I'd had to do that with mine. As soon as they could settle down to sleep I would pop them upstairs with the monitor on and get on with eating, cleaning, laundry, chatting to DH, watching boxsets etc. My DC are 6 and 3.11 btw, so this is not back in the mists of time. I understand your anxiety but I'd suggest you take it a bit easier on yourself or you'll go insane

Pintoftea mine clusters 5-8 pm. Then bath, PJs, zonked! So

That website says nothing about sitting up keeping a vigil on your sleeping child!! Just that you'd child should stay in the same room as you. It also says 'if you aren't sleeping when your child does..' So the NHS (along with every other reasonable person on the planet) expects mothers to sleep!

Get on with your day/chores or have a rest yourself when your baby does.

...it eats the evening although she sleeps so reliably and at a good bedtime. Frustrated!

squizita I totally remember and understand the wish to protect them from everything, but you have to remember sometimes that these guidelines are rather over-stringent and designed as a guide for more relaxed rather than more nervous parents.

Soon you'll have a strapping toddler bouncing off every available surface and making your heart leap into your mouth a dozen times a day - please just accept that doing your best with the occasional check is good enough!

I did like the movement sensor monitor, mostly because I was so knackered for two years that I was worried I would sleep too heavily to hear her. It did occasionally go off if my DD wriggled to the other end of her cot, so I know it works!

You have to do what you can live with, but in the long run it is so much better for you to have a break, and a rest. Just check every now and again before you go to bed.

No one really follows it do they. What if you have another child, you just couldn't . I think you should come down stairs.

Ps is that sleepy head thing any good?

Purple I'm not talking about me sleeping come my bedtime. Nor doing chores by day (as I mentioned in the OP not a problem downstairs).

I'm talking about (selfish I know) the 3 hours I'm NOT asleep but she is, tied to the bedroom.
I've checked with midwives abd hv and yes ... They DO mean sit with the baby (and read or whatever) then go to bed. That's why they say stay in the same room ... They do mean all the time.

Absolutly bonkers - can't see why being in a different room with a monitor is more dangerous than being asleep in the same room, you are not going to notice anything more.