What did you do while baby slept?

[squizita]

My dd is 3 months and sleeps well at night in the main.

In accordance with safety guidelines I stay with her when she's asleep, at all times. OK for day naps in the living room, pram or sling ... but baby bedtime means 2-3 hr in a dimly lit bedroom before I can sleep myself.
Apart from mumsnet and Netflix what can I do.

To be brutally honest I feel almost trapped and really down about it. Sitting in the dark every night for 6 months for fear of SIDS. How did you distract yourself?

Yes, we did this with DD1 and we are 18 weeks in with DD2. For the first 4 months we just kept them downstairs with us in the basket, pram or sling.

After 4 months, we alternated evenings so we could have time downstairs. It was quite a liberating feeling at 6 months to leave DD1 upstairs, sleeping and alone for the first time. 8 weeks to go with DD2.

I read, watch TV on my iPad and network on my phone. I did my Christmas shopping online. You could do your weekly grocery shop in the evening.

Solemnlyswear yep I'm a bit at how I'm supposed to be there and NOT there at the same time!?!

I guess it wasn't supposed to be either helpful or rude. Rather it was supposed to be funny but I'm happy to accept my humour is blacker than yours at this point. I'll leave you to it now I've been duly told off x

DD stayed with us intil4 months, when we felt she needed more peace and quiet and a proper bedtime. I'd read that the peak time for cot death was 2-4 months, so we were past that and we're low risk for everything else (non smokers, bf, correct clothing for the temp etc).

You have to weight up the risks for yourself.

Purple I'm not sure you've read my 1st question. You seem a bit annoyed by it, apologies though I honestly don't know why.
I get on with stuff when she's in the sling or basket downstairs. The mw put the fear into me about the time between baby bed time and adult bed time. That's all.
I'm not quite sure why there's sarcasm as if I've suggested anyone is doing anything unsafe.

Dd stayed downstairs with us until 5 months of so as we ate our dinner, watched TV etc then she went into her bedroom but we left the door open, it's off the sitting room and poddled in and out.

If you're going to sit upstairs I'd get the tv in your room and tootle round doing things. You don't gave to sit in the dark.

Squizita there's no way you can be there and not there. Like I said, always within earshot. Whatever you're doing its only going to be in the next room. Please relax a little. You are allowed to go get a drink or have a wee! At night, get into a routine, bath, pyjamas, story, turn down the lights, cuddles, nice and calm into the cot or basket in your room, let your baby settle. I think a baby monitor would be a good investment. If you can afford a camera one, get one for your own peace of mind. You're doing a great job but you will run out of steam soon with this constant anxiety.

No, sorry, I'm just astonished that these are the guidelines and a bit shocked that someone is following them to the letter (to the point of 'feeling a bit trapped'). Maybe I'm subconciously annoyed on your behalf.

I'm pregnant now and there's simply no way I'll be hanging out with the new baby while he or she sleeps. My very active toddler will see to that.

Pottering, in and out sounds perfect.

I never knew that was the advice but my son had a crib in the bedroom and we live in a flat so we could see him when he was sleeping and we were sitting on the sofa. I guess a Moses basket would be a good idea in the living room and then you could carry your lo up in the Moses basket.

The thing is they don't know why the same room thing is better. If it's to do with the deep sleep thing, it makes no sense that it would be just as important for naps/that first portion of the evening. It does make sense that a baby alone in a totally silent room for 12 hours is more at risk of going into a deeper sleep, but for 3 hours? Nah. Especially if you're in to check once an hour, making noise in the house, using the toilet, etc.

I pretty much stuck to them with dd until she was past 5 months (when the risk was lowered) but she was where I was rather than vice versa. I.e. if I wanted to stay downstairs so did she, if I wanted to go up to bed so did she.

I have a 5mo dd and when she started spending the first part of the night in her cot upstairs at around 3 months I'll admit I just turned the monitor on and left her up there on her own til I went to bed. I wasn't prepared to sit upstairs from 7pm at night in a dark room. It also meant I could spend a bit of time with my older kids in the evening once she was asleep. I still do this now and she also naps upstairs on her own through the day.

Purple I'm usually very sensible with managing risk (eg even after my losses I didn't turn into a pregnancy fear monster) but for some reason I'm super anxious about being "officially " a "bad mum" by not following the rules. Stupid as I know from my job what a neglectful parent is like and I don't understand how anyone could contemplate real abuse/neglect. Hence they are over cautious with the rules!

It may well be of no use whatsoever but with my now 2yo we put her to bed in her basket downstairs with us until out bed at 10:30 (baby had timed meds) when we then all went upstairs together. Nap times also occurred in the basket downstairs but I would potter around both up and downstairs for maybe 10 minutes at a time so she was rarely alone. This was until she was 5 months old when she went into her own room for both naps and nighttime.

I had people sniggering up their sleeve at me but this worked for us in the main. I did get frustrated at keeping the TV turned down after 7pm but by the time she was about 3 mo we sat in the kitchen area (open plan) chatting while she snoozed in the sitting room. So if the breathing theory is correct then I wasn't doing the right thing.

Op, find something that works for you and makes you feel comfortable. If MW or HV is making you feel stressed then that is the opposite of their role in the main so either ask them for firm statistics (if you can face them) or learn to smile and nod.

It is also perhaps worth mentioning that in this period of time we held dinner parties and had the wee one snoozing in her basket in the same room as various chatty guests. She seemed to like dozing to the buzz so maybe don't feel you have to sit there in the pitch dark and silence

I didn't know if your history of loss before making my comments. I'm sorry you suffered in that way. Not really sure I'd have coped with that.

My only advice is to do what you feel is right because there are so many rules and pieces of advice from experts and non experts, wanted an unwanted etc. you can't follow it all. Do what you feel is right in your mothering (but please give yourself s break from the three hour vigils).

DH has just made a point of playing Forza (racing car Xbox game) in earshot to prove I CAN potter, watch tv etc and dd will sleep. He suggests I go to John Lewis ("because they sell the best") for a monitor and learn to pop in and out.
DD is sleeping away undisturbed by the nyyyaaarrrr noises from the game in the next room.

That is brilliant!

We were watching a box set of something with a great deal of explosions in. I can't exactly remember what. But Dd was maybe 2/3 mo this old and in the basket on the floor. One night She was shuffling a bit but generally fine. It was only when it came to medicine time and we shifted her that we realised she was right next to the sub woofer of the speakers! Every boom was making her little body shake. We only made that mistake once but it did teach us that for our baby (they are all different of course) there was no need to tip toe around

Camera monitor - I really recommend the Samsung variety. Blooming brilliant. Was great with one, but also working well scanning between toddler (for as it's going to sleep - get in bed!) and baby. Has light and talk ability and sensors.

OMG seriously? WT Flying F - I cannot believe this was written by any sane health professional - talk about recipe for postnatal depression. I should add I trained as a midwife, have background in healthcare and worked for a guidance issuing body.

Firstly - well done. Secondly - cut yourself some slack and Thirdly - Rationally; if you needed to sit with her all the time you'd never sleep!! So the guidelines whilst I get are there to protect are illogical.

DD napped wherever I put her until she reliably napped in her cot but I had stuff to do and remember being outside gardening over the summer. Come 10 weeks (when she slept through for the first time) she was in her own room and once asleep normality resumed - it was important (and is) for my sanity and marriage to have some downtime! We had a video monitor and periodically checked on her. SIDs is the most god awful thing and I'm not bashing anyones desire to be cautious; if it works for someone to follow guidelines to the letter and sit in dark rooms good on them but for me it would have sent be into depression and my marriage would have suffered.

I know what this kind of anxiety is like too. For the first 6 months I used to sit with him sleeping on me and feeding as and when every night. This was on the sofa, lights on, TV on, MNing, getting my partner to bring me refreshments. I loved it. So in my experience they sleep through all sorts. But then I wasn't bothered about routines, self settling, etc etc. I was just pleased he was alive. And was a bit messed up in the head so not the best person to ask in many ways.

Re rules - I only followed baby in room and no solids to six mths.

Definitely don't whisper and tiptoe around if you can help it, better that babies can sleep through TV and other noise.

Someone on a street near me with an 18 month old still puts a note on the front door every night asking that the bell not be rung as a baby is sleeping. I've seen it there in the day too. Madness!