Pissed off with another mum's comment. Please tell me there's nothing wrong with what we're doing

[Thurlow]

Went out last night with some of the NCT mums. We don't see each other often and, honestly, don't have too much in common bar our DC so the conversation was quite child-centric.

One of the other mums kept making comments about what my DD is still or not yet doing. I normally see threads like this and think "but just ignore them!" but this has wound me up a bit and I'm stewing. I don't think there is anything wrong with what we are doing or haven't done yet, but of course she's now planted that 1% seed of doubt.

DD is 2.5 (29mo). She still...

Sleeps in a cotbed with the side up. "Oh my, we took the side off DS's bed when he was 18 months! She really still has the side up? I didn't think any kids were still in cots at two and half!" DD hasn't ever tried to climb out, and having the side up means she can't get out if she's semi-fighting a nap. We tried a bed on holiday a few weeks ago - fine for night, awful for naps. So as far as I'm concerned that side is staying on until it absolutely has to come off.

Has her bedtime milk in a bottle. Same comment as above from other mum, surely no toddler still has a bottle?! DD drinks it quickly, has her teeth brushed afterwards, drinks all other fluids out of other cups. Just likes a bedtime bottle. We've tried to change it but she likes the comfort. Will probably try again soon but (until this lovely mum made comments) I didn't actually see the harm in a comfort routine.

Hasn't started potty training. "Really? Not even tried? How unusual..." DD has shown very few signs of being ready, so we can't see why we should push it when she's not ready just because 2.5 is a common age.

I do know what most people don't still do all those things above - but she's 2.5! Should we really be pushing her to do the "older thing" just because of her age? I don't like the idea of pushing them to do things just because it's the next stage, it feels like forcing them to grow up - but maybe I'm wrong? I should say she's perfectly normal in regards to everything else. Or was this mum just being an arse?

My son is exactly that age and does all those things too.
Horses for courses.
She can get fucked.

No, cardriver! How awful!

Have you watched Bridget Jones' Diary: The Edge of Reason? Jellyfish alert - that woman's comments sound like zap zap zap - jellyfish stings - said with a pleasant smile on her face but nonetheless delivering a sting. Definitely best ignored! I have certainly relaxed more about these things after having dd2, and was probably a bit more PFB with ds1, combined with not knowing what I was doing. But really, what does any of that nonsense matter?! I doubt your dd will be demanding to drink out of an Avent bottle when she is 18. Or still wearing nappies as a teenager. People who get so hung up on when toddlers "should" be doing things need to chill out. I'm a GP and have seen lots of upset parents who are struggling with potty-training their lo. But sometimes the lo is just too young to get it, and is being forced to use a potty when they aren't ready and don't want to. I never pushed ds1 to potty train as he just wasn't interested for ages, then we had a go just before he was 3yo and he was old enough to understand what to do and just got on with it, no accidents or bed-wetting. I accept much of that was pure good fortune rather than anything I did, but I am certainly of the camp that there is no need to push for milestones before the child is ready or you just cause problems. Can I make a suggestion? Don't see that woman again!

Can I make a suggestion? Don't see that woman again!

I second that suggestion

Total arse - can't stand women who are like this.

I'm a sarky cow. I'd have wound her up no end because I'm also a good liar.

Using a cot with sides: 'I don't mind her still being in a cot. Not staying in their bed at an early age is a sign of a more inquisitive mind and a higher IQ.'

Bottle of milk at bedtime: 'Really, you don't give your ittle one a bedtime bottle. You're very brave. I'm too scared to stop it after reading that report in Lancet about stopping bottles and the prevalence of attachment disorders when they get older.'

Potty training: 'Oh I don't think it's unusual at all. Most of the parents I know do the same because they don't think it's right to prioritse their own convenience over their child's comfort.'

Thurlow, please get yourself some new friends! A rare night out and you are spending it with a group of people who can only talk about their children? Yawnsome.

I've just thought of a conversation leveller

"I'm just so tuned into DDs emotional needs that I know she needs to wait a little while yet"

Thurlow, I can't get over how fucking dull your night out sounds! Argh, you poor thing.

Yeah, Mintyy, it wasn't exactly a classic

There are some great lines here though, I promise I'll use them next time!

She's a bit of a dick...

Dd4 is 2.5. I'm sitting next to her now as she falls asleep in her cot bed ;she had an afternoon nap today). My 4 DCs were in cot beds til around 3 - 3.5 so they couldn't escape.

Bottles, mine were bf, no bottles except dd1. At 1 yo I swapped her night time milk for milk in a beaker - painless! However, dd4 was breast feed before going to bed - not sure how yr friend would judge that .

I am currently toilet training dd4. I trained all mine in the summer closest to 2.5 yrs. summer is just the easiest time to train. Given my sub 2 yr gaps, it also made sense. Couldn't have 3 in daytime nappies.

Wonder what your friend would think of me! Seriously, don't sweat the smaller shit now, you've got book bands and nc levels to look forward too!

I always thought we'd potty train this summer as everyone said it was easier in summer, but the warm weather has gone and we're no nearer... might leave it until a long stay at the grandparents at christmas...

:-) I remember with dc1 try to train her at Christmas because she was anti nappy. By the time we had the third crap on the staircase in a day. I had to give up! .

Urgh, there was one of these in my NCT group.

DS didn't crawl til almost 12 months, I was dead proud of him when he did.

For his first birthday this NCT 'friend' bought him this (admittedly rather sweet) giraffe toy that whizzes off along the floor for them to chase. She then loudly announced to everybody there that she'd bought it for DS because he was "so lazy" and could "only just be bothered to crawl".

I potty trained both of my DC in winter and it was absolutely fine so don't worry about the summer thing!

potty training

This article contains all the information you might ever need to combat potty training boasting!

She is being a passive aggressive competitive arse. All children are ready for different things at different times and you entitled to keep doing what works for you, so long as it doesn't damage DD or anyone else.

Having said that, I would personally have started to potty train by now. I don't think you need to look for signs that the child is ready. In fact I don't even know what 'a sign' that they a ready would look like. I think they you show them what you'd like them to do and if they are ready they will take to it, if they are not ready then they won't. I think if you wait for a child to 'be ready' to use the loo you'll be waiting for a very, very long time.

And just to add I've had three children all clean and dry in the day by 2.5 and by night (bar the odd accident) by 3.5 give or take.

DS has only just got the hang of it now at 3.5. I really wouldn't worry about it at 2.5.

You are doing fine. I don't like people like that.

Potty training - 2 of mine just did it themselves when they were ready both at about 2 years 4 months.
Then the 3rd really struggled. It was sometime over the age of 3, about 3 and 3 to 6 months. That same child still is not dry at night (age almost 6).

1 child never slept in a cot but my twins were in cots with the side up (in a cage!) until they were 2. I think it was about 2 when the sides came off but longer would be fine imho.

She's got an inferiority complex and reassures herself she's doing well by semi-ridiculing others.
Pity her, then ditch her.
Life's too short.

My NCT group is nothing like this - it doesn't have to be that way.

I take the approach of focusing on the things that DD is either good at or that I particularly appreciate in her. Anything that other children can do that she can't really don't matter to me at all (and only a bizarre parent would care about those things). I concede that it is slightly delusional approach, but it leaves me confident that DD is great.

I like to think that all parents think a bit like this about their own children as it means that you are valuing the unique individual that your child is, not how they measure on an arbitrary scale devised by the most competitive parent you know. One of the amazing thing about having your own children is that you can see some of their strengths and weaknesses (never objectively), but you wouldn't swap them for any other child you have ever met or could imagine, whatever their weaknesses. Your child is amazing, simply by being themself.