Pissed off with another mum's comment. Please tell me there's nothing wrong with what we're doing

[Thurlow]

Went out last night with some of the NCT mums. We don't see each other often and, honestly, don't have too much in common bar our DC so the conversation was quite child-centric.

One of the other mums kept making comments about what my DD is still or not yet doing. I normally see threads like this and think "but just ignore them!" but this has wound me up a bit and I'm stewing. I don't think there is anything wrong with what we are doing or haven't done yet, but of course she's now planted that 1% seed of doubt.

DD is 2.5 (29mo). She still...

Sleeps in a cotbed with the side up. "Oh my, we took the side off DS's bed when he was 18 months! She really still has the side up? I didn't think any kids were still in cots at two and half!" DD hasn't ever tried to climb out, and having the side up means she can't get out if she's semi-fighting a nap. We tried a bed on holiday a few weeks ago - fine for night, awful for naps. So as far as I'm concerned that side is staying on until it absolutely has to come off.

Has her bedtime milk in a bottle. Same comment as above from other mum, surely no toddler still has a bottle?! DD drinks it quickly, has her teeth brushed afterwards, drinks all other fluids out of other cups. Just likes a bedtime bottle. We've tried to change it but she likes the comfort. Will probably try again soon but (until this lovely mum made comments) I didn't actually see the harm in a comfort routine.

Hasn't started potty training. "Really? Not even tried? How unusual..." DD has shown very few signs of being ready, so we can't see why we should push it when she's not ready just because 2.5 is a common age.

I do know what most people don't still do all those things above - but she's 2.5! Should we really be pushing her to do the "older thing" just because of her age? I don't like the idea of pushing them to do things just because it's the next stage, it feels like forcing them to grow up - but maybe I'm wrong? I should say she's perfectly normal in regards to everything else. Or was this mum just being an arse?

Your reply "every child is different". I used to get comments about dtds development - oh,aren't they sitting yet... Are you worried?! Etc. They are premature and more than a month younger than her dd. Annoyingly I allowed her to worry me and went to the hv even though I thought dtds were fine.
cotbed: keep in until they start climbing out. If dd sleeps why change things? Bottle: must admit I'm totally paranoid about teeth so bottles were gone at 1yo in our house and hv would have pulled faces but does your dc drink from an open cup in the day? If so then not a big issues. Dd3 had a dummy until 2.5. Potty training: all three of mine dry in the day by 2.2, but that's because they were ready (I wasn't!). No point forcing a child who's not ready! Childhood isn't a race though many think it is. At school you'll get Reading Level competition amongst the mums - they think I'm rubbish as I can never remember dd's level.... Well, that's what I tell them :)

Oh yes, she drinks water from any other cup you give her. I tried a cup for milk at bedtime a few weeks ago and got told very firmly that no, mummy, it's bedtime so she wants a bottle!

I like saying that I'll worry if she's still doing it when she starts uni

Oh I hate this kind of thing. You sort of dwell on it afterwards and you wish you'd said something back.

I stopped bottles early because dd1 had teeth v early and I was paranoid about her teeth (she had adult teeth at 3). I know tons of people who have toddlers and older children who have bottles but I never mention that mine stopped them early because I am not a knob.

Mine were in cots till almost 3 and potty trained at almost 3. Poos are still a problem and dd2 is 3.5.

If people comment about being late potty trainers or whatever I just say 'there isn't a box for 'date potty trained' on the ucas form'.

My DD's almost 3 and still sleeps in a cotbed. She's never tried to climb out, sleeps 12 hours straight every night, and has a 2 hour nap in it every afternoon. If it ain't broke don't fix it!!

My DS was in his cotbed with the sides up until he was well over 3. He showed no inclination to climb out and was happy to lie there. Why change a winning formula? At least once we finally took the sides off he was old enough to understand that we expected him to stay in his room and not come and see us at 5.30am, there's no reasoning with an 18 month old.

He's still in his cot bed (minus sides) at 5.5 by the way. That'll be the next thing - "Tarquin's in his big boy bed, have you still got yours in the cot bed? Oh, that wouldn't do for Tarquin."

this is the worst type of toddler group mum - avoid her like the plague

I'm sure when dd goes to uni, it will be bottle free, she will sleep in a bed, and have moved on to using a toilet.

At what age she did those things as a toddler really doesn't matter.

'Friend' is an arse.

Arrrgh I was beaten to the uni comment!
that'll teach me not to rtft

My boy went into a bed at 18 months, dropped his bottle at around 2, and at 2.5 years is half potty trained (as in, he can do the poos, but not the wees in the potty!)

As long as your baby has a safe place to sleep, you feed her and she doesn't have to sit in her own poo all day, I say it doesn't matter the age that she drops the 'baby' things. A safe, fed and loved baby is what we all aim for.

Ds was in his cot not even a cot bed ! until about 2.5, with the sides up. What's more, he was still in a sleeping bag (can't even remember the right term for them).

I went with my mum's advice, which was to make sure that he had plenty of toys/entertainment in it, so that if he woke up early, he had things to occupy himself with. Never showed any inclination to climb out and I was happy to leave him cage

He only came out of it when one morning, he shuffled through in his sleep bag like a wee rug rat, rubbing his head and saying "Ouch" He must have swing his legs over the rail (in the sleeping bag) and fallen on his head as he climbed out

We then had a few disturbed nights (he'd always been a brilliant sleeper) as he got used to the freedom and used it to come through and visit us at night until we put a stretchy onto his bedroom door and a cupboard door so he couldn't open the door more than a few inches (OP's judgy lady would probably hate that! )

Ds didn't potty train till after he was about 3.5 - tried when he was 3 and he just wasn't ready. Even then, we had a few years of problems between about 5.5 and 8 - which probably weren't linked, but you never know. Maybe we did push him too early!

He did get his milk out of a sippy cup until quite old (can't remember now - maybe 4?) - but then, he'd been bf till he was 13 months old, so his comfort had never been directly related to a bottle.

Just goes to show that all kids are different. Ignore her.

gave 4 yr old dd 'Pretend 5' birthday card & cake re move from cot to bed
1st poo on toilet - 3yrs 9 mths
occasional bottle after school aged 5

started reading aged 4 ish

is now sort of normal ish
don't worry about it
all children are weird

I'm so glad I no longer meet up with NCT mums (it took about 7 years to shake them off!) because next year DS will be doing his GCSE, and of course exam results would be compared...and then A'levels....and then the children's salaries, and then, eventually grandchildren.

Fast forward 13 years. Is she still going to be the one crowing because her child is ahead of yours?

"oh yes she's been drinking neat vodka in the park for 6 months now. Has your dd really never been to a&e to have her stomach pumped?"

It sounds like you're being used to make herself and her parenting look fabulous. Lose her.

It sounds like you're being used to make herself and her parenting look fabulous

I hadn't thought of that. I don't know her well on a personal level but maybe there is something in that. She works away a lot and so has to have a nanny. Maybe it was about her, not me?

My DS2 is 2.5. We only stopped his morning bottle the other day (cue much screaming). He was in a bed at 18 months but he'd already fallen out by then. DS1 was in his cot til very nearly 3 and only got kicked out as we needed it for DS2. Tried potty training with DS2 a few weeks ago, complete disaster so waiting til autumn half term.

Next time she or anyone else comments just say 'we prefer to concentrate on their reading and writing at this age...'

Sorry, as I hit send I realised that sounded bitchy and it wasn't meant to be

Sounds to me like you are doing everything perfectly and letting your child develop at a normal rate, and one which suits her. There's no rush to grow up.

And by thinking maybe it is about her, rather than about me, I mean that's reassuring that she isn't actually sitting there thinking "blimey, Thurlow is really babying her DD, isn't she?".

I'm digging a hole here, sorry...

Actually uni probably won't be bottle free - but it won't be bottles of milk!

She's being an arse.

For comparison : DS 1 in cot with sides up till 3 and only moved out then because ds2 had outgrown the smaller cot. DS2 was in the cotbed till well past 3.

DS1 potty trained at 3, DS2 at 3.5.

Both had given up bottles by 2.5 ish, drank out of beakers.

At 8&6, nobody cares when they last wore a nappy or what bed they were in years ago.

How petty. Just ignore, there's nothing wrong with what you are doing.

DS is 2.4 and isn't potty trained yet (despite MIL harping on about it everytime I see her!), still has a bedtime bottle and would still be in his cot if he hasn't started climbing out a couple of months ago!

Santa took my DS's night time bottle away when he was nearly 5 and had started school. He's 20 now, and studying maths at university, so no harm done

She has no life. Really OP, these things don't matter at all. All of this 'must do X by this age' stuff is rubbish. All DC are different.

Let them do what they want when they're ready. I honestly think they become more confident and secure if you do. My two both had cots and bottles until they were nearly three. And potty trained late. But when they did train, they did it in three days flat with no accidents. I never with either of them had to wipe wee or poo off anything other than a potty or a bum. One of the few bits of their early years I feel smug about is having been lazy about potty training and let them take the lead. It was so easy in comparison with struggles my friends had.

DS2 also learned to read and write very late. Think he was six before he agreed to write his own name and about nine before he agreed to a capital letter at the front of it. School were getting very fractious about my lack of anxiety about it. But he didn't want to and I thought forcing him would put him off. Eventually he decided he was interested and he shot to the top of the class in English and stayed there ever since. (Stealth boast but just pointing out they don't have to be early at stuff to be any good at it.)

It's not a competition and they aren't IKEA flat packs that all have to be assembled in the same way to work.

OP at 2.5 my DD still gets mummy milk, so your 'friend' would have been shocked!!

regarding the nap, could she be ready to drop it? if she is in out in out in out... or talking to the teddies for an hour... my DD has mostly dropped it and actually sleeps better on the no-nap days...

good luck and ignore the blooming woman!

I am secretly hoping that by putting potty training off until she's nearer 3, it'll be done quite easily within a few days. Lazy parenting ahoy!