Normal for lots of babies to be crying their eyes out in nursery?

[TrixieLox]

Our nursery called today to say my daughter has a rash and seems ill so best I take her home. When I collected her, several of the toddlers in her room were crying their eyes out, looking quite unhappy. Is this normal? It was about 10.30 so not near nap time or lunch.

I posted before about collecting my daughter from her first full day there and she looked a state, but nothing was mentioned (think she had a reaction to the glue in her painting). She's only in there 2 days a week but has got more and more upset each time I drop her off. Of course, this could be because she's ill (turns out she has an upper respiratory infection).

I just feel a bit 'off' about this nursery. Has outstanding OFSTED reports and great feedback from work colleagues. But they don't seem to tell us much, e.g., we don't get a sheet of things she's eaten, behaviour like friends do at other nurseries / childminders.

To add to seeing a bunch of crying children there today, I don't know, I don't feel right about things and am wondering if I should explore childminder options. Am I being paranoid?

I have just read this thread over too- some very unwarranted extreme responses. So what if the poster who sold her house and moved to council accommodation chose to do that? I can't see why it should make anyone hot under the collar.
There are plenty of working people in social accommodation who could technically afford a mortage.
Doesn't it come down to choice?

You're confusing venom for humour. I see no evidence of venom - slightly sarcastic put-downs - "you are sounding rather hysterical" - but nothing more.

Selling a house, living off the proceeds of the sale pluse your DH's wages, just 'getting' a council house (she never did explain that one...I'm fascinated, living in the same LA and knowing the council house situation here...), getting a job that enables you to work from home despite having no skills or experience in that field, and then being in a financial position to save many thousands of pounds of a deposit for a new house counts simply as 'less mainstream' in your world? Interesting.

Well it should come down to choice.

But there are people who, when their choice is questioned, feel the need to try and put down the other persons choice.

I mean, not to single you out morethan but you said you wouldn't use nursery care.
To me, that's a perfectly valid opinion. It's obviously the best decision for you and your children.
It isn't my opinion but that doesn't make it untrue. It just means that you and I made different choices with regard to childcare.

I didn't read that and think, oh my god she is telling me that I am wrong. So now I'm going to tell her that she is doing it wrong to make me feel better about my opinion.

That's what always happens on these threads. People get so defensive for no reason.

So what if xyz chose to stay at home because they think it's better for their family? It doesn't mean the whole wide world has to either do the same, or go into a rant about why Dcs should go to nursery.

Do what you think is best. Accept that decision, accept that not everyone will do the same thing. Enjoy your life.

sir- I'm not sure how you can make these judgements. I have many interesting friends from all walks of life and some have amazing life stories to tell. I don't think this woman's post sounds so unreasonable.

I have a job working from home too- no experience in the field when I started- yet I earn as much as my husband. These things can be done.

Really combust? In which case we'll have to agree to disagree.

What was explained to that poster was that her contributions to the thread - sell your house as I did, live off your DH's wages and the proceeds, get a council house (still fascinated....), get a job that you have no skills for, save many thousands for a deposit over and above paying rent and raising a family - are simply not choices for many, many, many people. It seemed an incredibly difficult concept for her to grasp - I really don't know why.

Anyway, this has nothing to do with the OP - which is that yes, if you have reservations about the childcare your receiving then it may be time to look at alternatives.

you're not your

The discussion may have moved on but I wanted to express how wonderful I find my DS's nursery.
They have a very open door policy - always welcome you in and let you see what children are doing.
Consistent staff who I have never seen not interacting with the children - constantly down on the floor playing with them or helping them.
Excellent communication -written for babies, verbal for older ones.
No child left to cry - babies got to sleep in the gentlest ways
It genuinely feels like leaving DS with family - and the staff do send their own children there - not in the same rooms they work in but I know of at least 3 children who are staff members' children.

He is desperate to go and asks every day even when I'm not working so please, please don't tar all nurseries with the same brush. I could tell some terrible stories about childminders I've observed in soft play centres but equally I know many are fab.

The 'hysterical' remark was in response to a flurry of semi-decipherable posts including something about posters 'hating' nurseries, when in fact they had mostly said they preferred not to use them, or use them full time, or use them for babies.

Is it not venomous when half a dozen posters leap on one poster's story and take the piss? Maybe it is all in the reading.

But combust, I don't see how that posters experience helped the OP, who asked "is this normal"?! The answer is surely yes or no, not to comment one whether it's best for the child to be any kind of childcare.

getting a job that enables you to work from home despite having no skills or experience in that field,

And that's known as retraining isn't it?

*Some people make the decision that they prefer to have a sahp and plan and budget accordingly.

Some people continue working to put food on the table and a roof over their heads because the only other alternatives would be starve or live on benefits

Some people actually like their jobs and want to continue in their careers.

No one is better than anyone else. No one loves their Dcs more or is a better parent.*

^This is what I didn't have time to type myself!! Great post.

Tantrums you are a veritable Buddha, but no-one will listen

A flurry of semi-decipherable posts??! Melissa's posts were perfectly decipherable, and the one that recieved the snooty 'don't be hysterical' was simply "I couldnt care less who hates nursery. I get all that with home cooked meals for full time care for 2 children for only 70 a week all in".

And no, it's not venomous to query the claims made by one poster.

It's not retraining when you actually land job despite having no skills or experience in that sector - that's unbelievable luck. Retraining is what you do in order to get that job in a secot that you have no experience or skills in

Well I couldn't entirely decipher them at silly o'clock in the morning.

And I have already told you that it was the log cabin, hole in the ground stuff that seemed venomous to me - are you really trying to recast that as querying?

Crying children was one of my criteria when I was looking for a creche. Of course babies cry but I didn't want to see them all queing at the door waiting and crying for 'mama' (which I'd seen in a few) or see babies that looked as if they had been crying for a long time. My dd holds her arms out to her main carer when we arrive and is unruffled when I or dh collect her. This wins big points for me. The creche also didn't care when I arrived to bf her during the day when she started at 6 months, which told me that they had nothing to hide. There is one baby boy that seems to cry constantly and I was a bit upset that they left him to do so. However, when there one afternoon I saw that they subtly included him and let him edge towards whatever the entertainment was and eventually sit on a knee. If you tried to persuade him it ended in tears. Obviously a sensitive little boy and I'm not sure if he was mine I would continue to leave him but maybe the parents don't have a choice.

Well it was me that mentioned log cabins Fid.

Personally, I don't see any valid reason for coming onto a nursery related thread to point out that you don't agree with them, and then refuse to accept that a lot of people don't actually have a choice.

I don't give a monkeys what other people do to be honest. Not a monkeys.

If you don't give a monkey's Harold, why were you doing Log Cabin schtick?

Like I explained below fid, in my middle paragraph.

Hello, I'm the OP!

Wow, WHAT has this thread turned into while I've been away?!

Thank you to those who offered advice, it's really helped (I also had a chuckle at some of the responses to the less than positive attitudes to nurseries :-)

Anyway, shall I get this back on track? The nursery nurse who was holding my little girl when I arrived called to ask how she was this morning. I thought that was really nice (I also wondered if she'd read this post, ha ha!). She said another boy had gone home ill with the same thing. So might explain the tears.

I can't remember if I updated you all and said I'd spoken to the nursery leader and she said they do verbal reports for over-1s and a detailed developmental report once a month? She explained all this when I toured the nursery when I was pregnant, but it slipped my mind. On reflection, I looked for childcare too soon. But I wanted to get it right and not make a rushed decision. When I visited then, it FELT right. I'd looked at lots of options, nurseries and childminders and this nursery seemed ideal.

So, I'm going to take people's advice and keep an eye on things. I will also look at other options, eg, childminders, other nurseries, just in case.

As for selling my house and being a f/t mum... even if I could do that, I'd still want a couple of days working / writing. I'd love my daughter to grow up seeing me enjoying work and taking pride in my work. I know for many f/t mums, their work is being a mother. And that's great. But I need more than that role, maybe I'm greedy. And anyway, when she's not ill, my little girl is an extrovert, loves other children and people and doesn't even look back when we're at playgroups. In fact, during her settling in sessions when she wasn't ill, she didn't even notice my hubby leave. I always thought nursery would suit her. If she continues to seem upset, I'll reconsider my options.

Sorry for the drailing trixie.

Ours had feedback from osted I think that they should offer the option of a written feedback form, if requested.

They do written until 2.

If you want it they would probably be happy to provide it.

Oh HaroldLloyd, PLEASE don't apologise, I found your comments incredibly supportive and reassuring (and funny too in some cases :-) Just shocked by the number of responses!

Good for you op. Glad you had some answers.

I just want to add, I met a shit parent once - so all parents are shit and children should be raised by wolves.

This thread has been entertaining, a book needs to be written about how to make sure you can be a sahm so long as you have a house to sell.

As for selling my house and being a f/t mum... even if I could do that, I'd still want a couple of days working / writing. I'd love my daughter to grow up seeing me enjoying work and taking pride in my work. I know for many f/t mums, their work is being a mother. And that's great.

Woah. Everyone is getting a teeny tiny bit carried away with the hilarious 'sell your house' thing now, aren't they?

FWIW OP I don't think most parents who take 2-3 years out do consider it their work. They usually consider it a sacrifice for the good of their DC. The patronising DD see me take pride in my work stuff is a bit much too.

Personally I avoided FT nursery for my toddlers by completing a PhD and qualifying for a competitive stipend. Of course, as they were toddlers at the time, my teenagers didn't have any awareness of that. They do remember the time we spent together, their time playing with their friends in playgroup, special occassions, the same as any other toddlers.

I do love it when people who have popped babies in childcare trot that one out. By the time DC have any real awareness of what their parents are up to, they will be in school and 95%+ of parents will be working, including most of the former SAHPs.

The truth is in the end parents do what they want.

Sorry - yourr thread - patronise away.