Normal for lots of babies to be crying their eyes out in nursery?

[TrixieLox]

Our nursery called today to say my daughter has a rash and seems ill so best I take her home. When I collected her, several of the toddlers in her room were crying their eyes out, looking quite unhappy. Is this normal? It was about 10.30 so not near nap time or lunch.

I posted before about collecting my daughter from her first full day there and she looked a state, but nothing was mentioned (think she had a reaction to the glue in her painting). She's only in there 2 days a week but has got more and more upset each time I drop her off. Of course, this could be because she's ill (turns out she has an upper respiratory infection).

I just feel a bit 'off' about this nursery. Has outstanding OFSTED reports and great feedback from work colleagues. But they don't seem to tell us much, e.g., we don't get a sheet of things she's eaten, behaviour like friends do at other nurseries / childminders.

To add to seeing a bunch of crying children there today, I don't know, I don't feel right about things and am wondering if I should explore childminder options. Am I being paranoid?

Oh Fideliney, you really need to chill out. Semantics. Don't read into every little word I write. I don't need you making me feel even guiltier, okay? Just let me justify myself to myself, if that makes sense. I'm going through a really tough time at the moment with guilt issues, and generally, the support on this thread has been amazing. But the little nit-picking... it makes things tough, you know? Back off a bit please, one mother to another!

Fideliney- I didn't see being a Mum as my "work". I did work p/t when my youngest was 6 months old, but managed to fit in 20 hours around nap times, early mornings, late evenings and weekends, so didn't need daycare. I did all the toddler groups etc too- I guess I "looked like" a SAHM, but I did work.

It was important to me to be at home with my children.

Fideliney, the OP is using a nursery for 2 days a week. So not full time.

I am lucky that I don't have to work full time to support my family, so my DS is in nursery for 3 days a week. Your comments about "popping" children into childcare full time, and then not knowing what their parents are up to is really quite cruel towards those parents who have to do this.

Fid I think a touch of pot kettle black there on the patronising front.

It cuts both ways OP. Stop the patronising fucking twaddle about other people's choices and your toddler being proud of your work. That is a dig at SAHMs. Finances, sanity I can understand. A toddler cheerleading your career? Purlease. You could be up a tree for all she knows.

I am more than happy to be supportive of all choices, let's all try it eh?

And in the nicest possible way, stop feeling guilty. Various people around me, including my mother and my then 'D'H made it quite clear they considered me an awful mother for not staying at home until youngest was in school (maybe uni, I dunno). Make your choice, make it something you are happy with, REFUSE to feel guilty. There is no need to feel guilty.

Sorry you are having a rough time.

If you have lovely grandparents providing substantial care she is getting a lovely mix anyhow

Fideliney- I didn't see being a Mum as my "work"

Yeah that's what I was saying. I thought it a patronising remark.

Your comments about "popping" children into childcare full time, and then not knowing what their parents are up to is really quite cruel towards those parents who have to do this.

No it's not culture -my point is the toddlers don't care WHAT we are doing or even understand what we are doing properly at that age. They just care if they are having a good time.

I get that people have to do it for financial or other reasons. To claim you are doing it to make a two year old proud of your career is disingenuous and a bit of a (completely unnecessary) dig at SAHMs.

I had to do something money-generating too. I chose something PT with a small income attached. My choice.

Sorry if I came across as having a dig at SAHM. Didn't mean it. I was doing a little essay to myself; a little 'it's GOOD what you're doing' talk, grasping at every straw I can find. Didn't mean to be patronising.

Fideliney, you know what? I needed that little kick up the backside. You're right, I DO need to own it, I DO need to stop with the guilt. But it's soooo hard. Nobody told me how hard it'd be to be a parent?! How wonderful and amazing but hard and the guilt, OMG! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Fid I think a touch of pot kettle black there on the patronising front.

Harold read the thread back - the mean girls stuff was going on for yonks before I began to get irritated with it. I kept saying can we all not accept different choices. Apparently not

Then as long as they are having a good time in nursery OP don't worry about it. If you don't think she is look about.

I changed my work to free lance, home based after having DC1 but it was untenable (for me) without some form of childcare, I was stressed to my eyeballs.

But I was fortunate in that I had a career that lent itself to that. Nurses for example, no chance.

You really can't absorb guilt from other people's opinions or choices Trix, you'll go crackers. I'm serious.

Equally, if you have an instinct about the nursery, look at others.

Trixie I think the guilt comes no matter what choices you make. I worked only part time and we did struggle financially, I I did question whether my children would be happier if I worked full time and we could affford better holidays/bigger house/piano lessons.

The truth is we all do our best, and although we may make different choices we do what we think is best for our families. So screw the guilt.

Many children are not so lucky.

Sorry if I came across as having a dig at SAHM. Didn't mean it. I was doing a little essay to myself; a little 'it's GOOD what you're doing' talk, grasping at every straw I can find. Didn't mean to be patronising.

Fair enough.

I didn't get the nursery guilt OP but did get a bad dose of "The guilt" when DS2 came along, all the in a minute sorry we can't be there now. No don't use him as a horse.

Your probably feeling worse because you have some doubts about the care setting, maybes as well as the drop ins visit a fee more or maybe a childminder you may see something you feel is more suitable or it might compound your decision to pick that one in the first place.

I don't get the whole guilt thing To Be Honest.

A few words on the internet shouldn't make you feel guilty about doing what you have decided to do

It's your choice. Well obviously to a certain extent, I'm sure there are people who's childcare cost prohibit them from working or who would like to stay at home but can't afford it.

I still feel there's an element of choice though, my childcare costs for the 1st couple of years meant I earned, in effect, about £20 a week. But I was prepared to do that because the pay off came eventually. It was important to me to do that.
Now anyone on the internet can say to me that I shouldn't have had children if I didn't want to look after them or whatever. That's fine. If a person has that opinion, then to them, it's their truth. I certainly was never about to proclaim all the reasons why it was good for my Dcs that I worked.
All the "promoting a good work ethic" and all of that.
But it was a choice that I made. It was and still is, even though my Dcs are much older now, the right thing to do.

There are no words in the world that could make me feel guilty about it.
Own your decisions. Whether you choose to be a Sahm or work part time, or full time just be happy and proud of what you have decided to do.

Op if you are not happy with the nursery, you have other options. But you have to do what you feel is right for your family.

I don't understand why people feel guilty about their choices in raising their dc.
If you are doing what's right for your family why would you feel guilty, whatever you choose.
I have never worked since dc and don't intend to, no amount of negative comments would make me feel guilty because I know it was the right choice for all of us.
If you choose to work for whatever reason and its the best for all your family, you shouldn't feel guilty.
surely guilt is for those who think they have it wrong or aren't sure, so they need to rethink.

" It was and still is, even though my Dcs are much older now, the right thing to do.
"

I agree. My children are nearly adults now and I look back at the decisions I made when they were young. I feel 100% happy about what I did. What is more thay have thanked me for the decision I made which is very touching.

I don't think it's entirely rational more than as it's an emotion.

I think it is my secret ambition to be you one day morethan

Combust

You beat me to it, I was just going to post that myself. Our older two are nearly 23 and 19, its lovely to hear them thank you for the choices and decisions you made.

Harold and Fid

I just don't get it I'm afraid. I don't mean to judge though, obviously a wave length thing.
being unconventional I have learned to just say if they don't like it, fuck em. Not the dc .

Fid I think you are probably a lot nicer than me

morethan if only everyone else could think like you, there would be none of these threads

Imagine how lovely it would be, everyone just getting on with whatever they had decided to do, without taking offended and reading things into comments and sniping at everyone else.

Well there would be as the OP was just after a bit if advice about nurseries.

They probably wouldn't go tits up if people that didn't agree with using them AT ALL read the OP and decided it probably didn't warrant a discussion on this particular thread.

popped babies into child care. Wins the snidely award for me.

Tantrums really?!

I believe that there is no right or wrong way to bring up children. What I don't believe is that I am deluded for believing what I do is right any more than someone who has made different choices is deluded. We're both a different kind of right! The feeling I have for from morethan's posts is that her way is right because in her experience all the other ways are wrong.

Several of the staff at my DD's nursery have their children in our nursery too, which says it all really. Obviously they aren't allowed to work in the same room as their child. I would be a bit concerned if the whole room was crying but wouldn't feel able to make a decision from one data point.