Normal for lots of babies to be crying their eyes out in nursery?

[TrixieLox]

Our nursery called today to say my daughter has a rash and seems ill so best I take her home. When I collected her, several of the toddlers in her room were crying their eyes out, looking quite unhappy. Is this normal? It was about 10.30 so not near nap time or lunch.

I posted before about collecting my daughter from her first full day there and she looked a state, but nothing was mentioned (think she had a reaction to the glue in her painting). She's only in there 2 days a week but has got more and more upset each time I drop her off. Of course, this could be because she's ill (turns out she has an upper respiratory infection).

I just feel a bit 'off' about this nursery. Has outstanding OFSTED reports and great feedback from work colleagues. But they don't seem to tell us much, e.g., we don't get a sheet of things she's eaten, behaviour like friends do at other nurseries / childminders.

To add to seeing a bunch of crying children there today, I don't know, I don't feel right about things and am wondering if I should explore childminder options. Am I being paranoid?

I think we need to swap children. I feel guilty making my children sah and some feel guilty sending them to nursery!

I'm afraid I couldn't leave my child crying either- sorry. It doesn't mean anyone is wrong to do so, we all have different approaches that's all.

Anyway that's mpre than enough of a derail

I think we need to swap children

Oh look this is ridiculous

Some people make the decision that they prefer to have a sahp and plan and budget accordingly.

Some people continue working to put food on the table and a roof over their heads because the only other alternatives would be starve or live on benefits

Some people actually like their jobs and want to continue in their careers.

No one is better than anyone else. No one loves their Dcs more or is a better parent.

All of the sniping and trying to make people feel bad, because they did something different to you is ridiculous

Not everyone has to agree that child care is a wonderful thing. Not everyone has to use it.
It's perfectly acceptable to say "actually I chose not to use childcare"
Nor does anyone have to agree that childcare is the work of the devil and ruining Dcs lives.
It's ok to say, yes I have a wonderful nursery/cm etc

Can't we all just get on with our own choices and opinions?
We don't all have to think the same?

Exactly it depends on the personality of the child. Nursery is for extroverts and not all children are like that. Its the same as some children dont like after school clubs or going to hobbies on their own and just want to be at home with mum. You cant change those children its just the way they are.

Melissa do you get childcare vouchers? You know your entitled to them when your off? Just in case!

I don't agree that nursery is for extroverts (ponders - should children be labelled introverted/extroverted at that age?) - they are for children generally, and a good nursery recognises that individuals have different preferences for play etc.

I agree too it depends on the child. I don't know much about nurseries but I live near a couple of childminders and thay are great with the kids they look after. Really caring towards them. I see the childminders picking up their charges from school, and they are genuinley pleased to see each other, lots of smiles and cuddles.

It's worth looking around if the child is quieter the baby section in mine is dead quiet, there are only ever 3/4 babies in and they get loads of attention.

The first nursery I used was perfect for DS1 because he was adventurous and it had a huge space and he loved running around with the older children, but DS2 wouldn't have liked that.

Tantrums you are right. But I just can help BITING,

If someone starts a thread asking for advice about what goes on at a nursery, why on earth would anyone post on it that I don't send my child to nursery and never would. In what possible way can that help the OP? I just don't get it!

It doesn't help the OP - not one jot.

Maybe she was trying to highlight alternatives? There are alternatives, after all.

Equally there are DC who never settle in any nursery setting (or not until 3 or 4). I have met enough DC with ASCs and/or sensory hypersensitivities now to be aware of that possibility too.

It might be a thought useful to someone reading?

CMs being a fairly mainstream alternative, for a start. It isn't that controversial is it?

CM might eventually be something OP plumps for.

The less helpful posts haven't highlighted alternatives though, have they - they've accused all nurseries of being like zoos, or of being places that they wouldn't ever leave their children (so what?), or have claimed that you just need to sell your house, live off the proceeds of said sale and your DH's income, and get a council house.

I think that the OP is perfectly well aware of the non-controversial alternatives such as childminders - but this is not what the thread is about, is it.

Ignore last half of previous sentence - trying to type and take phone call at the same time is never a good idea

Well, I'm not sure SirCh. The OP seems discomfitted and is talking her misgivings through.

Oh, ok

But really, climbing off the property ladder for a few years to finance a period of SAHMing is no more outlandish than financing it with a small inheritance or by selling an expensive vehicle and I've read that LOADS of times.

Maybe some posters recognise that their own decision to SAHM started with the feeling of disquiet the OP describes and just want to throw some their rarer experiences into the ring?

People can pick and choose what they take on board. There is no need for the venom.

Melissa

What is normal? and how is not sending your child to school, not normal. It's a valid choice, that more people are choosing due to Gove and his circus.

Why does it matter that some people prefer not to use nurseries and why do people get soooooo defensive when you say anything negative.
it goes back to my original post that some people try to convince themselves their nursery is the best thing for their children.
if they were convinced they wouldn't need the passive aggression and would be open to criticism of poor nurseries.

The poor ones I have experienced weren't empty and under subscribed.
They are outstanding with waiting lists. Full of parents who also think they are good nurseries.

I don't know what the answer is, but it isn't telling people that all nurseries are good, especially if they are deemed outstanding as this isn't true.

Just because I don't use nurseries doesn't mean to say I believe they are all bad, just because I haven't experienced a good one doesn't mean they don't exist.

Venom? From whom?

Of course selling a house in order to stay at home in order to fund SAHP might be an option for some (I imagine a small minority of) people - but I presume you read that interesting set of posts (and subsequent responses)?

No-one has told anyone that all nurseries are good Morethan.

Yes I read it; Log cabins; Holes in the grounds; yadda yadda.

Rather selective reading there

morethan - I don't think that anyone on this thread has said that all nurseries are good or that they are the best place for all children.

When choosing a childcare option for my DS the OFSTED rating was useful information, but not in any way the deciding factor. Far more important was actually going to see the nursery, and seeing the staff interacting with the children and so on.

If I have been defensive, it is simply because I know that the nursery I have chosen for my DS is an excellent choice for him. It is ridiculous to suggest that you know better than me about this, and that I am deluded in my belief.

I actually think you have some valid points about how the OFSTED ratings don't actually tell you what you need to know about a nursery, and that even those rated Outstanding may not actually be doing a good job with the children in their care. However, your valid points are somewhat lost when you refer to all nurseries that you have seen/heard of as zoos, and parents as deluded.

Well no - I was excerpting to illustrate the descent into venom, the existence of which you doubted. I read the lot.

My overarching question is why people who make very mainstream life choices for their DC get so upset when other people mention their less mainstream choices.