Opinion on leaving toddler in car

[starchildmum]

Hi

I am really distressed and was wondering what your opinion is on this subject.

I am an overprotective, very caring and loving mum.

Thats what happened:

Daughter woke up this afternoon and because we will travel tomorrow I did not have anything great in the fridge for her afternoon snack so decided to go down the road ( we live in Kensington, London) to buy her at M&S a prawn sandwich (which she adores) and some fruits. Put 1 £ into meter ( gives me by 4,40 £/ h max 12 minutes). It was pouring rain and m&s access to food hall is a narrow staircase so decided to leave her in the car. Expected to be 5 min. I am also 6 month pregnant to sum it up. Daughter normally never cries. Car is parked on High Street in front of police station with lots of CCTV so thought its save. My daughter in her car seat (she is 18 month). So the worst that could have happened in my view was her crying 5 min which I thought was safer than carrying her (12kg) through the rain down the slippery staircase to buy 1 sandwich.

When I returned 2 ladies where waiting next to my car saying that they will report me to Social Services etc. as baby was crying and apparently highly distressed noting down my plate number.
I must say I was not particularly friendly as obviously 2 ladies staring into the car and maybe knocking at the window must have distressed my daughter on top of her crying because she was left alone in the car.

Now I am really worried and questioning if I really did something horribly wrong or if it is ok to leave baby in the car for 5 min under those circumstances (raining, pregnant, just 5 minutes) or if it is an absolute terrible thing????

OP it sounds like you made a mistake, and have very much learned from it, so I wouldn't beat yourself up. I think it is fine to leave a child in a car, but only if it is within sight all the time, and you are close enough to react if there is a problem. I have twice seen cars catch fire, for no apparent reason, and I think that would be my main concern with leaving a child out of sight in a car.

7 mins in the car on a not-hot day, in full view. Fine. No, it's not illegal - not neglect fgs. Yes, OP could have fell and hit her head, but she could also do that at home. The toddler would be noticed and rescued a lot more quickly from a car on busy High Street than wondering round a house with an unconscious mother. It is a perfectly acceptable level of risk. The only thing is knowing your child and whether it would distress them - now that would be a problem.

FWIW at Norland Nanny school the toddlers were all strapped into their silver cross prams and left out in the grounds for a couple of hours every afternoon. Can't see the difference.

I know the area very well. As another poster said, you cannot park outside M&S on High St Ken as two bus stops and yellow lines. This is where there is wide staircase down to food dpt. The road is very busy.

The police station is at least 10 mins walk away, down the road towads Olympia and left down Earl's Court Road. Again, difficult to park there, is this where OP parked? Very confused.

Glad the LO was ok. I would be concerned about leaving a child in a car there.

The buses are a nightmare there, difficult to get on with a buggy as lots of people and lots of buggies. Best to just walk for miles.

Adult solidarity? What about parental responsibility? How often have we heard/read about adults not doing enough or saying something and a child has suffered / been abducted / died unnecessarily.

I am not saying this could have happened to ops daughter and I am sure Op has learnt from this and it won't occur again. But, ultimately a toddler was left alone, in a car, in the middle of London. Not wise.

insancerre to me, adult solidarity means a general sense that adults are looking out for other adults. It means being concerned for an elderly neighbour, helping another parent with the kids, and keeping an eye out when kids are playing in the streets.

Call me an old fart if you like, but when I was growing up my childhood would have been very different had my own mother-and other neighbourhood mothers-not had this sense of security, generated by a sense that adults are watchful of kids, in an empathetic, not judgemental way.

There seems to be a sense these days that adults cannot be trusted to make decisions. The Op made her decision based on her own assessment of the risks posed to her LO and has been generally roundly condemned, by the women present at the time nd by the vast majority on here.

You can't really blame the women, though, because they were only doing what society now expects.

A sign of the times.

You left her on a road. Out of sight. For an extended period of time.

I'd report you. Mainly because I would wonder where you were & how long you would be. I don't know you, so wouldn't feel best placed to assess the case. In my training I have to stay child focused, the child was distressed. I don't know if this is a regular thing for you.

A sandwich isn't really worthy of leaving a toddler in a car for 7 minutes. Neither is a coffee, to be fair, imo.

Your 'the worse' scenario = her crying for 5 minutes. It is quite easy for a toddler to be distressed in those 5 minutes, she has no idea where you are, if you are coming back. She was probably scared by people peering in on her..

Can I still get reported to the police? Based on my number plate?? Well yes, of course you could. Either by the ladies, or the SS if they think it warrants a visit. The fact that you feel so bad tells you all you need to know, that you did wrong. You extended your "1 minute for a coffee" to 7 minutes for a sandwich.

You have started on that slippery slope. And you need to pull it back.

People take their children into the petrol station to pay? Really?Why? I can hand on Heart say I've never seen this! You have to here (Australia) and not just because of the heat. Parents have been prosecuted for leaving kids in the car to pay for petrol.

You parked in front of a police station ffs. Sorry, must have missed the memo, does that make 100% sure that nothing will ever happen? Did she ask the police to babysit for her?

She had taken the trouble to park somewhere sensible. On the side of the road?

Spring she is a parent - she needed to do more than take the trouble to think about where she parked. Remember she wasn't on an emergency mission but a trip to get a non essential sarnie Agree! There was no need to leave her daughter in those circumstances. When you are a parent there are things that are a bit inconvenient. Going out in the rain with a toddler, heaving a seat/baby out of the car. It is all part of creating life & shouldn't been as an inconvenience. For the first 5yrs of my eldest life, I didn't drive. That meant walking every where in all weather. The great thing about raising children these days is the fact that we have baby equipment that can stand all weather. We have rain guards etc.

I am sure that if your daughter was hungry & you had no food in, that there was a shop closer/within walking distance that you could have got food from. You made a totally unnecessary journey op & your leaving your dd was also totally unnecessary.

And yes, I do leave my children in the car to pop into a shop - but I can see them at all times. No way would I have left my child, alone, out of sight for 7 minutes. Car or no car.

ProfPlump Child WAS NOT in full view. OP was gone 7 minutes.

Cars catch fire for no reason Madness to leave a child inside a car if they're too young to be able to get out safel unsupervised.

I would move on, your child was safe, it wasn't a hot day, can't say I've ever heard of a child being abducted from a car (but sure there will be people on here telling me otherwise). My DH was left in the garage as a baby as he wouldn't stop crying. I personally wouldn't leave a baby, but wouldn't beat myself up over one ill judged situation. I regularly leave my 7 and 9 year olds in the car, when it is THEIR CHOICE to remain, rather than be dragged around the shops. DS has ASD so is safer in the car anyway

Just to add OP that I used to take my 4 dc under age 6 into shops. If 1 is sleeping I transfer that child into a buggy. I use a sling, buggy and buggy board. In Kensington I walked, used bus, had older kids on scooters. Now I am in the country, even in the school car park, no one leaves their children in the car! Sleeping children transfer into buggies most of the time. If not I'd rather that than risk them waking and screaming alone.

different I don't think I've ever seen such sanctimonious, judgemental bollox on this site. Calm down, please!

A toddler is left for a few minutes, in a busy area, in a car in full view of passers-by whilst mum -on some undefined slippery slope-pops in a shop to buy a sarnie for her LO.

Leaving the LO at risk of....what, exactly? Spontaneous combustion? Kidnap by aliens?

She was gone 7 minutes. She'd hardly buggered off to Benidorm.

The OP had, sensibly, assessed the risks and concluded that the worst-case scenario would be the LO waking and being distressed.

Get a grip, please?

springchickennolonger

I am quite calm. Yes, I judge parents who leave their child out of sight, in a busy, dangerous public space for an extended length of time.

if more people did so, perhaps less children would get harmed.

You say 7 minutes, yet 2 people that I recall have both said that there is no way possible that she was left for that short an amount of time.

And no, she didn't assess the risk sensibly at all. She was too busy putting her need (not to take toddler in the rain) to assess what it would mean for the child.

I regularly leave my twins in the car while I pop into shops. My risk assessment says it's OK, others think differently, but probably do things that I wouldn't do. Let's not all be so bloody judgemental of each other.

different you seem very sure of your ground. Perhaps you'd like to enlighten us?

So, how many toddlers have you heard of who have come to harm in a car parked in a busyy street while their mum popped out for a sarnie ?

And within a 7-minute timescale?

How many exactly?

I'd be far more worried about the toddler being really scared and crying and not knowing when mummy is coming back.

I leave my DS in the car outside small shops and when I pay for petrol. But I wouldn't leave him parked on a London side street for any length of time even now and he's 7.

On this subject, I had been leaving my five-year-old in the car directly outside Tesco Metro (car park, so literally outside the window) at his request while I popped in for milk.

A very nice lady stopped me one time and said her friend had done that too and was reported to the police. They knocked later and she was put on some kind of register.

I asked the staff inside who confirmed that it had happened the week before. The police had come to the store too (I don't know why).

So now I never do it even for one minute. It is evidently illegal!

cookie there's a thread on here somewhere about the legal aspect of leaving a child in a car. It's a bit of a grey area and any legal action seems to depend on whether the child has come to harm and whether there is an established pattern of neglect.

Too thick to link, sorry.

Interesting reading, though.

Ooh, I'd like the link to that thread too. Or the thread name if anyone knows it. I said earlier I leave my 10 month old in the car while I take dc1 to nursery, (usually 3 mins-1.5-2.5 mins out of sight but tons of school people about). I thought the risk was minimal as had only thought of abduction so locked the car. Am guessing leaving car unlocked is lesser of 2 evils?

Spring, this thread isn't about me. I don't have to enlighten you about anything.

The fact that YOU don't recall it happening doesn't mean it hasn't or won't happen.

I don't understand why anyone, any parent would defend this behaviour, to be honest. Leaving a child alone in the car, who because visible distressed is NOT a mark for good parenting.

I make no apologies for my opinion. You don't like it, tough. It';s my opinion & I will never think it is a good idea to leave a vulnerable & defenceless child in a car, out of sight for a prolonged period of time. End.Of.

who became visibly distressed

I had a call ( well my mother did as it was her car ) from a social worker after leaving my sons in the car while went to the shop. I parked directly outside and was minutes but obviously the busybody who told me he'd report me did so.
I avoided further action as I was visiting from abroad.
I do it frequently at home for short dashes into nursery ,school or shops. Leave the the ac on , lock the doors with spare key and a DVD or CD on.
Usually if not always , there is a security guard nearby .

No, my dd is now 9 and I've never done that when she was small, had thought about it purely because it would gave been easier but always decided against it. But then, I was never 6 months pregnant when she was a toddler, and could understand why you did what you did given the circumstances.

Lol at public transport being too dangerous for toddlers in central London, but leaving them in a car isn't!

I don't even think what you did is that terrible, but in relation to taking her on a bus or tube?! I think you do need to re-adjust your perspective. You have everything you need in a half hour walk radius. Parks, shops, playgroups, games about finding things, and the fun of just dawdling down the street.

Even if you take the car for cross-London journeys, get her out walking day to day for local things. You're in this weird paradox of being over-protective about public transport, but taking increasing risks for the "benefit" of using the car, the car which you deem safer. I live in zone 4 and travel daily into central London, and across London. It doesn't become safer or feel safer until you do it. You don't "need" a car daily when at home with a toddler. You think you do...because you've made it a safe thing, but that's what's led you to this point.