Opinion on leaving toddler in car

[starchildmum]

Hi

I am really distressed and was wondering what your opinion is on this subject.

I am an overprotective, very caring and loving mum.

Thats what happened:

Daughter woke up this afternoon and because we will travel tomorrow I did not have anything great in the fridge for her afternoon snack so decided to go down the road ( we live in Kensington, London) to buy her at M&S a prawn sandwich (which she adores) and some fruits. Put 1 £ into meter ( gives me by 4,40 £/ h max 12 minutes). It was pouring rain and m&s access to food hall is a narrow staircase so decided to leave her in the car. Expected to be 5 min. I am also 6 month pregnant to sum it up. Daughter normally never cries. Car is parked on High Street in front of police station with lots of CCTV so thought its save. My daughter in her car seat (she is 18 month). So the worst that could have happened in my view was her crying 5 min which I thought was safer than carrying her (12kg) through the rain down the slippery staircase to buy 1 sandwich.

When I returned 2 ladies where waiting next to my car saying that they will report me to Social Services etc. as baby was crying and apparently highly distressed noting down my plate number.
I must say I was not particularly friendly as obviously 2 ladies staring into the car and maybe knocking at the window must have distressed my daughter on top of her crying because she was left alone in the car.

Now I am really worried and questioning if I really did something horribly wrong or if it is ok to leave baby in the car for 5 min under those circumstances (raining, pregnant, just 5 minutes) or if it is an absolute terrible thing????

Please don't take the reassurance on this thread for OKing what you did. I can feel you backtracking about using the car so much. Plenty of us do live in Central London with DCs and cars- stop using it for short journeys and leaving DC in the car.

Kensington has many great bus services. I usually use the bus locally and they aren't unsafe for babies/children at all.

Try not to upset yourself about it. It may not have been the wisest decision but it sounds like people around overreacted a bit. We are very very overprotective of our LO currently compared to other places and times gone by. Where my sister lives in another country people still frequently put baby in buggy/pram outside the front door (on the street, big city) all afternoon, just checking very occasionally!
Use it as a learning experience, you sounds like a great mum!

I dont want to make you feel bad Op butbI would never leave DD in a car on her own. Nipping into petrol station when the car is in constant view fine but never ever out of sight. Even when getting petrol I try and use the self pay pumps.

The thought of leaving a child alone like that really upsets me. I can understand why the two ladies probably seemed harsh.

I do it all the time but I live in local yolkle ville where everybody knows everybody's business, who cares what two old busy bodies said just ignore them and get on with your day. Let them report it to social services and waste some time, it will end up on yet another pile of BS papaerwork that no one looks at

We had a situation like this at work recently. Cops went to the car - no parents. waited a few mins - no parents. They broke a window got the child out and took them up to the station. parent was charged when they phoned in a total blind panic.

you were very lucky

Oh and it's scary how often calls like this come in but they get absolute priority so even leaving your child 10 mins could end up with police involvement

op please don't be too hard on yourself over this. Frankly, I think you did everything you could under the circumstances. Toddler children pose a dilemma: probably a bit big to carry and prone to erratic behaviour when awake.

You parked in front of a police station ffs.

The busybody women were way out of order imo. If they were genuinely concerned, they should have waited for you to return and let it be. That would be the sensible, humane thing to do.

Unfortunately the threat of the authorities seems to be the standard response these days.

Sign of the times, it seems.

The women weren't busybodies in least,they reacted appropriately the situation
More people should be emboldened to care about children and not dismissed as busybodies
I hope wherever people feel there is an issue that they react,and thats not busybody.the authorities decide how to react,they assess potential risk

If i saw a child alone in car id take numberplate and report to police.no qualm

No way should an 18 month old be left in car on own with the car out of sight. You should have carried her with you and risked a parking fine or paid for longer. Very irresponsible in my personal opinion. I don't think a child that young should ever be left alone in a car or elsewhere.

I've only just started leaving my very sensible 7 year old in the car while I pop into a shop that I am parked directly outside of and I know I am going to be a matter of mins. I lock car so he can open from inside but locked from outside.

I left my children in the car earlier today while I went to pay for parking at the meter (about 4/5 car lengths away). When I sauntered casually back to the car there was a v v anxious woman on the point of calling the police. Sign of the times we live in I think.

Perhaps I am a slatternly mummy but I have never taken children in to pay at the petrol station and I have a couple of little shops I often stop at on the way home to get a pint of milk or a loaf of bread as I can park directly outside and see the car easily.

Sign of what times?are you suggesting in a better ye old world itd be ignored
Its progress that people do feel they can act,report or advocate for children
Its not progress to dismiss as busybodies,sign of times or world gorn mad

No Scottishmummy - we live in an environment where we are horribly acutely aware of the worst case scenario - The Soham girls, Sarah Payne, Madeleine McCann, April Jones. And I think parenting has changed enormously as a consequence. When I was a child we used to play unattended for hours. It simply isn't like that anymore. But I do feel comfortable stepping outside my car and running a brief errand while the car and children are in full view.

Speaking up for,or advocating for children isnt necessarily being busybody

The difference is though wild is that the op's very young child was very much out of sight. That is not ok and I agree with Scottish that more people should care.

I too had lots of freedom as a child and played outside but I wasn't a toddler and I was taught by my parents how to get help from them / trusted neighbours etc if I needed it.

Op why do you think public transport in Central London is unsafe for children (genuinely interested) :) I understand why it could be in peak hour, but I wouldn't have thought it was during the middle of the day as long as the parents have some control over their children (buggy/reins or children are well trained to hold hands, stay close etc)

Ywbu sorry, as I think that was too long and too unpredictable an environment to be out of eye-sight from your dd. I think busy environments like petrol stations and cash machines are fine as long as you stay within eye-shot.

I can assure that there are plenty of people in affluent neighbourhoods who find any public transport unsafe, just because they don't want to mix with the plebe

(I recognise to feel highly offended at hearing some rich people talking like that, especially because I also know plenty of rich people that do not indulge in such level of snobery, just thinking of it makes my blood boil )

Bob I agree that people should care. But "caring" doesn't, imo, mean reporting to the authorities. Caring should mean just that-behaving with empathy and acting appropriately. These women overreacted.

The OP had taken stock of the situation and assessed the risks. She had taken the trouble to park somewhere sensible. She had thought the situation through and concluded that the worst thing that could possibly happen was that the child would wake up unexpectedly and have a tantrum.

No harm was done.

Whatever happened to adult solidarity?

op thinks public transport is dangerous
but thinks it's ok to leave a child in a locked car

I leave mine in car in petrol station where I can see them. Would not have left them in these circumstances especially in a big, anonymous place like London (even if it is kensington). I think it was a bit unwise, anything could happen - I have heard of cars being stolen when the thief did not realise there was a child in the back. Personally I would feel panicky leaving the car and not being able to see my toddler.

Spring she is a parent - she needed to do more than take the trouble to think about where she parked. Remember she wasn't on an emergency mission but a trip to get a non essential sarnie.

Adult solidarity? What utter bollocks. If I decided to nip into my local for a pint should I just leave ds outside the pub and hope that someone will 'care' enough to watch him?

Adult solidarity Good grief!

What, against all the pesky toddlers threatening to undermine us adults?

I read adult solidarity as 'turning a blind eye so adults can behave as badly as they want and not have to justify their behaviour to another adult'

OP: stop reading the thread now. You've had a nasty shock and I doubt you will leave a child in a car like that again.

Stop beating yourself up over and over again.

Lessons learned and all that.