Opinion on leaving toddler in car

[starchildmum]

Hi

I am really distressed and was wondering what your opinion is on this subject.

I am an overprotective, very caring and loving mum.

Thats what happened:

Daughter woke up this afternoon and because we will travel tomorrow I did not have anything great in the fridge for her afternoon snack so decided to go down the road ( we live in Kensington, London) to buy her at M&S a prawn sandwich (which she adores) and some fruits. Put 1 £ into meter ( gives me by 4,40 £/ h max 12 minutes). It was pouring rain and m&s access to food hall is a narrow staircase so decided to leave her in the car. Expected to be 5 min. I am also 6 month pregnant to sum it up. Daughter normally never cries. Car is parked on High Street in front of police station with lots of CCTV so thought its save. My daughter in her car seat (she is 18 month). So the worst that could have happened in my view was her crying 5 min which I thought was safer than carrying her (12kg) through the rain down the slippery staircase to buy 1 sandwich.

When I returned 2 ladies where waiting next to my car saying that they will report me to Social Services etc. as baby was crying and apparently highly distressed noting down my plate number.
I must say I was not particularly friendly as obviously 2 ladies staring into the car and maybe knocking at the window must have distressed my daughter on top of her crying because she was left alone in the car.

Now I am really worried and questioning if I really did something horribly wrong or if it is ok to leave baby in the car for 5 min under those circumstances (raining, pregnant, just 5 minutes) or if it is an absolute terrible thing????

Talldarkandugly, that's awful to hear about the children in the car at Sainsburys .

I leave 4yo DC in car with a smartphone game to play with if I'm just literally popping into a corner show to buy a newspaper or bottle of milk and will be within earshot if anything were to happen. If I need to go into a supermarket and will be out of sight/earshot then I wouldn't, no.

However I think these women were being over-reacty busybodies to be considering reporting you on that kind of timescale. Fine to keep watch and check all is OK but not neglectful or reportable unless left for more than 15 mins I'd say.

Don't think it was absolutely terrible, just a little unwise.

I would hesitate to leave my children (9, 7 and 3) in the car together in those circumstances, although I wouldn't hesitate in a petrol statio. I leave the older 2 together while popping into local (small) supermarket. But based on their current behaviour, there is more chance of them maiming each other than being kidnapped (trust me, they would return them very quickly!)

Stealthtoddler. I left at 16:59and was back at 17:06 and only because one self checkout till was not working. So, yes 7 min.

Op - don't beat yourself up with what ifs. No parent is perfect all the time, a couple of comments on here seem unduly harsh/sanctimonious.

No damage done, ignore the 2 busybody women and above all go with your gut. Your child, your responsibility, your choice.

Dizzywhore - who are you to make that decision for other people?

It's fine to say "I wouldn't" but that isn't what you said.

But could they report me to the police?
Really would get a nervous breakdown if police would question my parenting. I already terribly regret it and normally never do. I NEVER leave her cry, not even to put her to bed ( I carry her in my arms for hours to make her sleep -- I know bad routine) and jump if she is unsettled for a second. But to leave her in the car for coffe/ croissant etc. always seconds and always infront of shops. ( except this time) has become daily habit as I do EVERYTHING by car and she is always relaxed and happily waiting so maybe I have become a bit lenient towards myself regarding this topic but this little incident has put everything straight again and now will be horribly frightened to ever leave her again.

No, it's not ok. I'm a really laid back parent but there is no way I'd do this.

Little things lead to bigger ones. So say you thought it was ok to leave the child in the car this time. .. nothing bad happened. Next time it could be that you've got the toddler and new baby. You need a prawn sandwich, nappies, baby milk and it'd be a hassle taking them in... you could just leave them for ten minutes because 5 minutes was ok.

Next time you need a full shop - they'll be ok for half an hour

Some really weird hyper obsessive parenting freakery going on in this thread. Surely it depends on the circumstances, the location the time of day and age of children. I have never taken my children (3 - now 18,17 & 12.) Into a petrol station at any age whilst I paid.. nor come to that into a corner shop whilst parked outside and nipped in to buy milk/papers etc...but I live in very rural area and haven't considered doing so, neither do/did neighbours.. perhaps if I found self in badlands of some big metropolis I might have been more concerned.. all three seem to have survived without undue distress..

I think it's a bit unfair to tell the OP that she is on a slippery slope to leaving her children in the car for a full shop. While some people may do this, most people who leave their children for 5 min are perfectly capable of keeping it to 5 minutes. There is no reason to assume that the OP isn't in control of her own behaviour.

Never.

I never even leave dd in the car whilst I pay for fuel.

Must admit Op I thought it would read that you had nipped to pay for fuel. Not out of sight.

Yes,bobpatandigglepiggle its exactly what happened... Slippery slope...
Every day the 1 min coffee, cash point & dry cleaner from time to time , petrol station and now the 7 ( because I was delayed, thought it would be 2/3)
I reached the not OK point.

Just wondering: you live in central London. Why do you do everything by car?

You made a mistake. Not the end of the world, but what in earth are you doing,'doing everything by car'
You have everything on your doorstep, walk!

.... But on the other hand I am far from a neglecting mum and it breaks my heart to hear stories like taldarkandugly. I would never do that!!!!
My daughter has never cried except TODAY and truly regret upsetting her for those 7 min.

Not really Sue as thats kind of what happened. The 'half hour shop' was obviously (I thought) an exaggeration to get a point across.

No 18mth old ever needs a M&S prawn sandwich at all that much.

Stripytop. She LOVES it. Normally only cook organic food. Veggies etc. never sweets but she is a difficult eater.

You're not neglectful, but you've got into some bad habits which could have at worse dreadful consequences and even at best aren't great. Leave the car at home and DD will have more fresh air, more exercise, more interaction and you'll be healthier and less stressed. Driving, finding a parking space, finding change and then clock watching are unnecessary evils you can cut from your life at a stroke.

Can I still get reported to the police? Based on my number plate??

Well next time put her in the pram and walk her there.

Put this behind you now and Have a good holiday.

Thanks Helpys, you are so right. Bad habits. Even drive to the park (every day if its not raining).

The worst that will happen is that someone will be sent round for a chat (or possibly more than one person). Nothing terrible will happen.

Hmm, yes, sorry, I agree. I'm a fairly lax laidback parent but no way on god's green earth would I leave even my 5-year-old out of sight somewhere like that for that long. Maybe for a minute, but no longer. And my 16-month-old? Inconceivable. But I think you're shocked enough by what happened and by people's responses to never dream of repeating it. Don't beat yourself up any further.