Opinion on leaving toddler in car

[starchildmum]

Hi

I am really distressed and was wondering what your opinion is on this subject.

I am an overprotective, very caring and loving mum.

Thats what happened:

Daughter woke up this afternoon and because we will travel tomorrow I did not have anything great in the fridge for her afternoon snack so decided to go down the road ( we live in Kensington, London) to buy her at M&S a prawn sandwich (which she adores) and some fruits. Put 1 £ into meter ( gives me by 4,40 £/ h max 12 minutes). It was pouring rain and m&s access to food hall is a narrow staircase so decided to leave her in the car. Expected to be 5 min. I am also 6 month pregnant to sum it up. Daughter normally never cries. Car is parked on High Street in front of police station with lots of CCTV so thought its save. My daughter in her car seat (she is 18 month). So the worst that could have happened in my view was her crying 5 min which I thought was safer than carrying her (12kg) through the rain down the slippery staircase to buy 1 sandwich.

When I returned 2 ladies where waiting next to my car saying that they will report me to Social Services etc. as baby was crying and apparently highly distressed noting down my plate number.
I must say I was not particularly friendly as obviously 2 ladies staring into the car and maybe knocking at the window must have distressed my daughter on top of her crying because she was left alone in the car.

Now I am really worried and questioning if I really did something horribly wrong or if it is ok to leave baby in the car for 5 min under those circumstances (raining, pregnant, just 5 minutes) or if it is an absolute terrible thing????

I used to live there and could walk to dozens of playgrounds when DD1 was that age. I then moved to a park free inner London suburb when heavily pregnant with DD2 and I swear it rained every time we went out. You do get used to walking though and life is so much less stressful!
I would be amazed if the police or SS come round, but if they do say it was a massive error of judgement, you're pregnant and frazzled and it won't happen again. (I know exactly what CP Social Workers deal with and I promise you it's nothing like this!)

SueDNim From the police or social workers? What will they do?

Without wishing to scare you it could be seen as child neglect and ss may wish to investigate. More likely your Hv will be informed and come round for a quick chat, especially if there are no other concerns within the household. At least that is what would happen in my area, to your advantage I imagine such services are rather more stretched in London so nothing more may come of it, presuming the 2 ladies do report you.
I often leave my kids in the car outside a cash machine, whilst getting fuel, park outside a quiet londis and nip in for milk etc. but in the situation you describe, for that long, in a busy area, where you can't see or hear her and at 18 months I wouldn't have.

it sounds like you are full of regret and upset OP. It's ok you made a mistake and you will do it all different with those e tof circumstance next time.

I learned my lesson with dd1 at month or so old...picking up a parcel from the post office (rural village). She'd fallen asleep on the way there - car seat was one you had to strap in and a pain to take out/fit. I would never usually leave her but ...
There wasn't a queue, just one person ahead of me - I parked right outside the door - I could see her through the window...person in front took a long time, then they couldn't find my parcel - getting really twitchy but would be rude to say forget it etc ...I was there for 30 mins...but could see DD still asleep.
When I got out I realised that the window had been tinted, the sun had been beating down on the car - it was like an oven - DD drenched in sweat etc... It had never entered my head. Images of the RSPCA adverts about dogs in cars, all my worrying about SIDS and not letting her get too hot in bed etc and I'd left her like that....
I never did it again...even to the point of having her in a sling as I went backwards and forwards carrying my shopping in from 2 mins on the road...and I did the same with DD2 - until she was about 2 then I would occasionally leave her for a min or so with D1 (then 8)...

I doubt you will hear any more about it, but the options are police, ss and HV. As Helpys says, quick chat, you say it was a mistake, you're frazzled and you won't do it again. The police, ss and HV all have masses of work to do and not enough time to get it all done, they won't spend much time, if any, on this sort of thing.

Well still it would traumatise me! I am already traumatised.
I agree I had my head in the clouds but having the police turing up or receiving a letter to be investigated would stress be incredibly.

I interviewed 8 nannies during the course of 3 days only to come to the conclusion that none was perfect enough so keep on going without help.
I am the type of person who lives every moment of the day for their daughter ( I know it sounds in contrast of leaving child unattended in car) but it would really be horrible to deal with a situation like that.

Sorry OP I wouldn't leave here either. I grew up not far from Melanie Grimsby, and we are the same age. She was rescued from a burning car as a toddler and her baby sister sadly passed away. Their mum just popped into the green grocers. I know it was a freak accident but its haunted me since. Recently a car went on fire outside our local supermarket, I assume an electrical fault also, and it made me even more sure I'm not over protective.

Fgs left child safely locked and secured in car for 7 mins
Cut yourself some slack

Ss would be deeply disinterested.
She will never know
Deep breath

Sorry Melanie grimsley www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-13563940

I wonder how many children are stolen from locked cars in broad daylight with active busybodies nearby ..?
Worldwide?
Lol
The childsnatcher theories abound

I wouldn't, though I have once left my nearly 5yo (YR) child in the locked car outside nursery whilst I dashed up the path, grabbed DC2 from the manager who'd brought him to the door and ran back. It was pissing it down, DD had a 104 degree fever, I phoned nursery from the car, it was a 20m run and the car (and DD) was fully in sight all the time. Fuck knows what I thought was going to happen but I felt sick with fear, and afterwards felt so guilty!

I can't really see why you were driving though. I'm in central London too. I wouldn't choose to drive anywhere if I could possibly avoid it, walking - even at toddler pace - is considerably quicker!

Marley Moo. Are you serious?

I love these type of threads where people are crazily OTT and judgemental
I really wonder what it is all about
We all do things others would balk at from time to time...this seems low on a list
Were you never left outside a pub by your parents? I was. Ditto outside the hospital etc.
I am surprisingly alive
A 7 min absence to a safely secured dry warm etc etc child
Not the thing of nightmares

Ok, it seems you are more concerned about being reported to the police than about what is acceptable for your DD?

Yes, you could have been reported to police, whether they would do something about it, it's a completely different matter.

I wouldn't have left a child that age out of my sight, but then I have a cousin who find the way to turn of the handbrake and go down a slope before hitting a wall. I had a friend whose 3 year old did the same and inadvertently run over and killed her younger sister. And also, because at that age they are as susceptible to heatstroke as a dog.

MemyselfandI.

This is crazily rude and you missed the point.

I wanted to hear what other parents think. I just hope you are the perfect mum.

18mths, secured in a child seat in locked car whilst preg mom popped to shop
Heatstroke in 7 mins in the rain?
Stolen in 7 mins in front of police station?
sS in 7 mins?

If you had dropped her down the stairs there would have been a thread on here talking out how irresponsible you were

I hope you can rationalise it and make plans that suit your shopping and baby & preggo needs in future.
Paying in a garage at a petrol station often takes longer...the other mumsnet conundrum

Can people stop chiming now? OP says she feels bad enough and won't do it again. No need to lay into her.

OP, it is a slippery slope - I've done it a lot in same situations as you. Easy to become a habit. When you've been on the go with a toddler all day, it's just so blissfully quick to nip in by yourself isn't? Instead of all the faffong about with car seats and what not. Be gentle with yourself. Not a good idea of course, but people on here have never put a foot wrong when it comes to patenting...

Lots of typos but you get the drift.

Well of course OP is worried about being reported, she has a young child and another on the way and could really be doing without the anxiety. It is also clear that she was worried about the safety of her child in equal measure, if not more so. It is very unfair of people to judge. We all make mistakes but we can also learn from them. I think OP has learned from this one.

Well, that's what I think. So there.

I would never do it! Not even for petrol!

The whole point of living in Kensington is that you can walk everywhere. Why haven't you got a Kensington & Chelsea parking permit if you live there? Free parking all over the borough (which I think is crazy as it encourages driving).

Clearly you're upset it was poor judgement but you shouldn't have left her unattended
The ladies were right to consider an intervention
You've clearly had a jolt and won't do it again

I would stop thinking about it now. It wasn't a wise thing to do and you are not going to do it again. Think of it in a positive light, had it not happened you might have done it again. Social services are not going to get involved over a one off when you are clearly a responsible mother.