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Original poster

Opinion on leaving toddler in car

154 replies

starchildmum · 27/05/2014 21:59

I am really distressed and was wondering what your opinion is on this subject.

I am an overprotective, very caring and loving mum.

Thats what happened:

Daughter woke up this afternoon and because we will travel tomorrow I did not have anything great in the fridge for her afternoon snack so decided to go down the road ( we live in Kensington, London) to buy her at M&S a prawn sandwich (which she adores) and some fruits. Put 1 £ into meter ( gives me by 4,40 £/ h max 12 minutes). It was pouring rain and m&s access to food hall is a narrow staircase so decided to leave her in the car. Expected to be 5 min. I am also 6 month pregnant to sum it up. Daughter normally never cries. Car is parked on High Street in front of police station with lots of CCTV so thought its save. My daughter in her car seat (she is 18 month). So the worst that could have happened in my view was her crying 5 min which I thought was safer than carrying her (12kg) through the rain down the slippery staircase to buy 1 sandwich.

When I returned 2 ladies where waiting next to my car saying that they will report me to Social Services etc. as baby was crying and apparently highly distressed noting down my plate number.
I must say I was not particularly friendly as obviously 2 ladies staring into the car and maybe knocking at the window must have distressed my daughter on top of her crying because she was left alone in the car.

Now I am really worried and questioning if I really did something horribly wrong or if it is ok to leave baby in the car for 5 min under those circumstances (raining, pregnant, just 5 minutes) or if it is an absolute terrible thing????

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

RudyMentary · 28/05/2014 07:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Longtalljosie · 28/05/2014 07:16

OK, well I would never do it either but I think the chances of police and social services turning up on your doorstep is very small. They're both overworked and will probably not get around to it. But if they do just tell them you know it was a terrible error of judgement and you won't do it again - you thought it would be better for her to be out of the rain but you can see you shouldn't have done it. And that will be that.

stinkingbishop · 28/05/2014 07:19

I have vague memories of being left in a hot car for a couple of hours as a toddler. We'd driven overnight to a campsite in France and my parents were talking to our new canvas neighbours and thought I was asleep/forgot about me/were enjoying the local wine too much...I'm still alive .

I have two year old twins so am always having to leave one of them in the car while I take the other one in somewhere eg to settle in nursery in the morning. But my rule of thumb is I only do it where the place is safe enough to leave the car unlocked IYKWIM. So a nursery car park, or the GP car park. So if there was some freak accident in the 3 mins I'm gone, someone else could open the door and get them out. But most of the time I use the buggy.

I think the ladies were right to be concerned, but I seriously doubt they'll report you, unless you losing your rag at them made them a bit vengeful. But even if you do get a SS/HV call, as others have said, they have horrendous cases to deal with and you'll be very low down the priorities. After all, our PM didn't seem to get in too much trouble for leaving his daughter in a pub...

Couple of other points...you're in bloomin' central London! You're surrounded by shops! Isn't part of the pay off for living somewhere so crowded that you have easy access to a whole plethora of shops? Even a corner shop would have had a pack of Rich Tea!

Prawn sandwich? Really? The advice is not to give wee ones shellfish till they're at least 2. I had an M&S prawn salad the night before my Uni Finals. I was on the bathroom floor all night and had to be accompanied out of the exam hall 7 times the next day to evacuate my tummy! And that was me as a strapping 20 year old; little people's constitutions simply aren't strong enough to deal with the severe food poisoning you can get from shellfish.

This is a Granny/egg sucking speech...I know the hassle of preparing for hols and running the fridge down, and you've got a toddler, and you're pregnant, and packing...but there are loads of toddler-friendly dry snacks you can have in store eg cereal bars, dried fruit, biscuits etc. Stock up!

Now just relax and enjoy your holiday childstar.

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Ragwort · 28/05/2014 07:19

Calm down, you are massively over thinking this now.

I frequently left my child in the car but we did live in a very quiet dull rural area, not so sure about central London.

But agree with another poster - if you live in central London why do you do everything by car?

Delphiniumsblue · 28/05/2014 07:27

I have never seen anyone paying for petrol holding a child either- madness.( and irritating for those waiting)

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 28/05/2014 07:37

I agree me myself more bothered about being told off.

Op - why the 'are you serious? ' about the fire? It really happened.

BelleateSebastian · 28/05/2014 07:53

People take their children into the petrol station to pay? Really?Why? I can hand on Heart say I've never seen this!

Dropdeadfred2 · 28/05/2014 08:08

I have always taken my children in to pay for petrol...youngest is now 9 years and i still don't leave her in the car

Figster · 28/05/2014 08:08

Well it is done now op I think the lesson has been learned. I would have been concerned if I had seen that too but definitely not enough to report to you.

For what it's worth In those circumstances I wouldn't have done it either and like others I can't believe that the only thing she would have eaten was a m&s prawn sandwich you must have had other options.

Figster · 28/05/2014 08:10

Oh and I have also taken my DS into the petrol station to pay mainly when he was very little now he does tend to just sit in the car as long as I can see him. It certainly wasn't an inconvenience to anyone me holding a baby while I paid for some petrol why on earth would it be to other people?

Longtalljosie · 28/05/2014 08:11

The prawn advice has changed. But actually I probably still wouldn't give a child a pre-packaged prawn sandwich. I saw a stat which said pre-packaged sandwiches were one of the most common causes of food poisoning (although I imagine M&S's are probably pretty safe, you can imagine shonky fridges in small shops are probably the biggest culprit). Add prawns into the equation where the food poisoning you get is a very nasty one and - well, there you go.

fortyplus · 28/05/2014 08:14

My 2 are adults now but when ds1 was a baby there was an awful story about a woman who left her child asleep in the car on her own driveway. The car caught fire and the child died. So no - mine were never once left alone in a car until they were old enough to fend for themselves

Delphiniumsblue · 28/05/2014 08:21

I think that people are talking about taking one baby in. If you have 3 under 5s and at least one is asleep they are much safer in the car than toddling across a busy fore court when you don't have enough hands.

fortyplus · 28/05/2014 08:24

i think paying for fuel is very different to disappearing out of sight into a shop - if you're at a petrol station you can keep an eye on them the whole time.

plipplops · 28/05/2014 08:44

We live in a rural area and I have always left DDs in the car on occasion if I was only going to be a few minutes and it wasn't really hot. I don't know how I'd feel in central London (or any city), probably would't leave them on the street out of my sight. The ladies were fine to be concerned, I'd have probably hung out near the car for 5 mins to check you were coming back (and if you were gone for 20 then maybe popped into the police station), but I think they shouldn't have told you off (but then some people are horrible and need to feel they've made a point). It seems unlikely they'd report you, they just want a story to cluck to their friends about.

mumofboyo · 28/05/2014 09:01

I do leave mine in the car occasionally - paying for petrol, nipping back into the house for a wee or to get something I've forgotten after I've strapped them in, going to the cash machine etc - but I don't think I'd go into a shop that was further down the road and up.do.e steps. Especially if they were parked on the main road. I'm not sure why not though, or how it's different to the examples I've given. I'm sure that as they get older (they're 1&3 atm) I'll leave them for longer.

unlucky83 · 28/05/2014 10:24

I agree OP - you won't get in trouble etc...so stop worrying about that...
but like I said it is not something I'd do again ...
I think the heat stroke in the rain etc comments miss the main point of my experience ...
It took a hell of a lot longer than I expected - and it is tricky sometimes to just leave if something is taking longer...the woman was doing her best, very apologetic etc...and I'd waited ages -thinking I'll just give it another minute... hard to say its ok I'll come back later...(like leaving your shopping at the till if there is a problem with a card reader - how many people would comfortably do that?)
And the heat was something not anticipated (had been overcast but sun had just come out) - but the main fact was I didn't foresee it - didn't consider it at all - and it could be something else you just haven't considered...
I did leave DD2 (not DD1 - still too traumatised!) getting petrol but only for 2 mins and in sight... noted the time - not more than 5 min and if it was or was going to be I went to get her no matter what...

Original poster

starchildmum · 28/05/2014 15:17

Thank you all.

OP posts:

RidgyTipper · 28/05/2014 17:34

OP I'm sure we'd still like to know why you drive everywhere in central London! This seriously has me puzzled.

TrixieLox · 28/05/2014 19:40

Bless you, OP, you seem genuinely concerned. As others have said, at least you know now not to do it.

As for petrol stations: I always take my LO in with me, I don't see how it makes things difficult? Obviously leave her in car while I fill up then take her in to pay. I hold her with one arm, give the cashier my card with the other. Simple. I do know most of my friends leave their kids in their cars when going in though so not judging, especially when you have more than one kid, is impossible. I also know this means passing moving cars but I go when it's quiet. I didn't realise it was such a rare thing to do though...!

TrixieLox · 28/05/2014 19:42

PS. RidgyTipper, lots of people drive in Central London, can't you tell from the crazy traffic? ;-) Seriously, people who live there do, I have a couple of friends who live in the west end area and drive. They have kids too, maybe that's why, just makes things a little easier for transporting the little blighters, the tubes are a mare for little ones during rush hour or in the heat.

Dizzywhore · 28/05/2014 21:11

I can't understand people leaving small children in the car while paying for petrol? Anything could happen, it's a petrol station! Weather you can see them or not it isn't safe. The car could be hit, a fire could easily start. It's just not worth the risk in my eyes.

Original poster

starchildmum · 28/05/2014 23:39

If you are a car user in Central London you will understand.
I find Public Transport dangerous and unsuitable for babies and very inconvennient.
Used to take Tube to work every Day which was fine but with children no way.

OP posts:

BeCool · 28/05/2014 23:52

I know exactly where you mean (I live just off KHS) and there is no way I would ever leave a child alone in a car there to go to any shop on KHS let alone M&S which can get very busy.

I do leave the DD's in the locked car while I pay for petrol though so I am not overly precious, but I think you know you made a bad call today OP.

It's done now and I bet you will feel much better after a good nights sleep. Can you keep a buggy in the boot for use in the future? Even a cheapy folding one will assist you esp as you are PG.

BeCool · 28/05/2014 23:54

To those questioning driving in central London, residents of Kensington & Chelsea are blessed with the most fantastic residents parking permits in the world, where you can park in any "residents" park in the borough. So driving is virtually compulsory

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