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Parenting

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Original poster

Kid is scared of breaking stuff in the house.

129 replies

rombomb · 30/04/2014 19:52

At Lance’s house in the living room, he and his friend Ben are running and Ben bumps a lamp on accident and it breaks. He freaks out scared.

Ben: oh no! i’m gonna get in trouble.

Lance: it’s ok. it was an accident. and dad can get a new one.

Ben: but he’ll be mad.

Lance: no he won’t. i’ve done it before and he wasn’t mad. he just says ‘it’s ok we’ll get a new one.’ and then he says ‘try not to run in places where you can bump into stuff or places where you can get hurt.'

[ben calms down a little but is still worried. he’s not sure that lance’s claims about his dad are right.]

[rick, Lance’s dad, comes into the living room from his bedroom.]

Rick: hi ben.

Ben: hi.

[rick notices the broken lamp.]

Rick: oh.. what happened?

[ben says nothing]

Lance: we were running and ben knocked over the lamp on accident.

Rick: ok. well, try not to run where you can knock over stuff. how about you guys play outside instead of here?

Ben: ok!

Rick: are you guys hungry?

Lance: no but i think i’ll be hungry after playing outside.

Rick: k, what do you want to eat?

Lance: i want pizza. ben what do you want?

Ben: pizza sounds good. what kind?

Lance: i like plain cheese.

Ben: me too.

Rick: k, i’ll get it reading in the oven and then you can turn the dial to 15 minutes when you’re ready.

Lance: k. [and runs outside]

[rick opens the freezer to get pizza out.]

--------

Why do you think Ben get's scared that Lance's dad will be mad?

OP posts:

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Doingeverythingican · 30/04/2014 19:59

Maybe Bens dad would have been really mad and expects that from all parents?

MiniatureRailway · 30/04/2014 20:03

I get cross when my children break things in my house if I think they were being too boisterous and silly. It's our home not the playground. I think a lot of people probably do?

HolidayCriminal · 30/04/2014 20:05

most ppl get X if they're stuff is broken.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General parenting

HolidayCriminal · 30/04/2014 20:06

Oh, I thank you, howler of a typo in that one!!

PrincessBabyCat · 30/04/2014 20:10

Rick does not exist

Just because a kid get scared they'll be in trouble doesn't mean there's anything shady going on at home. Lots of kids don't like getting in trouble.

If my daughter and friend did that I'd put them both in time out to calm them down then kick them outside if they want to play like that. There's a huge difference between mindlessly bumping something/dropping something and breaking it and running/rough housing inside.

Original poster

rombomb · 30/04/2014 20:11

I get cross when my children break things in my house if I think they were being too boisterous and silly. It's our home not the playground. I think a lot of people probably do?

But accidents, and mistakes in general, are super common. Like, adults get into car accidents, sometimes because they are doing stupid things like texting or whatever, but even when we're not doing stupid stuff we still make mistakes, and could still cause car accidents. So, if you caused a car accident, do you think the other person (whose car you crashed) should get mad at you? I mean, does he have the right to be mad at you? Does it even make sense to be mad at you for making a mistake?

Remember that even you make mistakes in your own home and break stuff. You're not treating your house like a playground and you still make mistakes. Do you think your spouse should be mad at you for breaking stuff in these cases?

OP posts:

HolidayCriminal · 30/04/2014 20:13

DH can be a prat & would huff & puff if I broke a lamp, yes. Heaven forbid his reaction what if I pranged the car.

I am much more laid back but everyone has their limits.

Original poster

rombomb · 30/04/2014 20:14

most ppl get X if they're stuff is broken.

What's your point? Are you saying they are right to do that?

Or are you just saying that most people are kinda dumb?

OP posts:

HolidayCriminal · 30/04/2014 20:15

(I'm saying I have to 1ht due to randy cat on lap)

I'm saying that most people get cross if someone else has carelessly broken their stuff. This is not unreasonable.

It's a generous person who can shrug it off.

Canus · 30/04/2014 20:15

Are you a very unacademic 14 year old trying to complete a homework assignment, OP?

TeWiSavesTheDay · 30/04/2014 20:16

Are we being graded on this?

PrincessBabyCat · 30/04/2014 20:19

So, if you caused a car accident, do you think the other person (whose car you crashed) should get mad at you? I mean, does he have the right to be mad at you? Does it even make sense to be mad at you for making a mistake?

Yes, Yes, and YES.

I can't tell if you're serious or off in wonderland.

I've scratched up my husband's car from bad parking jobs, and he has been upset every single time. Granted, he's calm about it and doesn't raise his voice or hold it against me the next day, but he isn't just lackadaisical "Oh well, it happens" either.

JimBobplusasprog · 30/04/2014 20:23

If you throw pebbles into the sea it's a fun game. If you throw pebbles into a greenhouse then it may also be a fun game but something might get broken.

I am absolutely fine with accidents. I say "these things happen" and we clear up. I am cross with carelessness.I point out the careless behaviour ans the consequence and how it makes me feel. I am furious at behaviour which displays callous disregard for other people or their property. If you threw my ipad into the air and failed to catch it it would come into the third category of behaviour. If you left my ipad on the floor and stood on it it could be in the second. And if you tripped carrying a drink and spilled it on the ipad it would be the first.

So I think the op is sanctimonious and oversimplified. Perhaps the kids are allowed to run inside and perhaps the parent has infinite time and money to replace broken stuff. Some of the rest of us live in the real world. I would have given both kids some strong words on carelessness if I was the parent here.

Original poster

rombomb · 30/04/2014 20:25

Rick does not exist

Sure he does. Lots of parents are like this.

Just because a kid get scared they'll be in trouble doesn't mean there's anything shady going on at home. Lots of kids don't like getting in trouble.

If a kid is scared when he does X, it means he thinks he'll get punished for doing X. And the thing is that being scared doesn't help him figure out what is best to do, nor how to do it even if he knew it was best. Being scared doesn't help him avoid it. Actually, being scared makes it harder for him to learn how to avoid doing X.

Instead of a punishment, the parent should help the child learn by discussion.

OP posts:

Original poster

rombomb · 30/04/2014 20:27

I've scratched up my husband's car from bad parking jobs, and he has been upset every single time. Granted, he's calm about it and doesn't raise his voice or hold it against me the next day, but he isn't just lackadaisical "Oh well, it happens" either.

He can learn to be better than that. Getting angry doesn't help anything.

When I bought a new car, i knew that eventually i'd get my first scratch. Then that day came, and I went "ah, finally the day came" and shrugged it off.

OP posts:

Canus · 30/04/2014 20:27

You appear to have an awful lot of growing up to do OP.

Actual real life growing up. Not cod psychology text books.

Original poster

rombomb · 30/04/2014 20:29

I am furious at behaviour which displays callous disregard for other people or their property. If you threw my ipad into the air and failed to catch it it would come into the third category of behaviour. If you left my ipad on the floor and stood on it it could be in the second. And if you tripped carrying a drink and spilled it on the ipad it would be the first.

Note that having knowledge about that stuff is not automatic. People have to learn these things. A child who hasn't learned these things yet might spill a drink on your iPad, but it wasn't carelessness, it was ignorance.

Would you be mad at a child for being ignorant? You shouldn't.

OP posts:

StampedLetter · 30/04/2014 20:30

I am struggling to find the point of this thread. Maybe because it is worded oddly. Are you writing a book. Doing a thesis on reactions.

Original poster

rombomb · 30/04/2014 20:30

You appear to have an awful lot of growing up to do OP.

Do you have anything substantive to say?

OP posts:

TantrumsAndBalloons · 30/04/2014 20:34

Rick is a fucking twat for being so laid back about things in the house being broken by people being careless and is clearly teaching his child that he can do whatever he wants, break whatever he wants and it doesn't matter because dad will just go out and buy a new one.

Fantastic.

Lets hope ricks son does not carry this lesson with him as he gets older because he might find himself arrested for criminal damage.

Original poster

rombomb · 30/04/2014 20:34

I am struggling to find the point of this thread. Maybe because it is worded oddly. Are you writing a book. Doing a thesis on reactions.

I'm trying to figure out whether or not parents realize that (1) it's bad that Ben gets scared for breaking stuff on accident, and (2) that it's Ben's parent's fault that he gets scared, and (3) what behaviors Ben's parents do to him that caused him to fear breaking stuff on accident.

OP posts:

Original poster

rombomb · 30/04/2014 20:38

Rick is a fucking twat for being so laid back about things in the house being broken by people being careless and is clearly teaching his child that he can do whatever he wants, break whatever he wants and it doesn't matter because dad will just go out and buy a new one.

You're not making any sense here. Rick explained that you shouldn't run in places where things could break.

If Lance did it again, Rick would have another discussion with him to find out what Lance didn't understand, like maybe Lance didn't realize all the possibly ways that the lesson can be applied. So during that discussion there would be some resolution, like Lance would have learned something new.

OP posts:

PrincessBabyCat · 30/04/2014 20:40

Ok, I suppose if in this ideal world I had a maid to clean for me, lots of money to replace things, a good night's rest every night, and perfect children who always listened to what I had to say and thought about how the consequences of their actions affected others (and cared!). I would be inclined not to care if two little cherubs broke my vase purely by accident.

But back to reality. They were breaking the no running in the house rule. They were showing a lack of respect for my belongings for playing like they would outside. Lance didn't even apologize or seem remorseful, and he'll probably grow up to be an entitled little shit.

It's cute that you really think one talk could solve a child's behavior permanently. Do you even have kids?

Tweasels · 30/04/2014 20:45

And...erm...why are you trying to figure this out? I have a suggestion for future threads along the lines of:

Do you tell your DC off for accidentally breaking things?

We're adults, a question would suffice without the role play.

AwfulMaureen · 30/04/2014 20:46

Are you American OP? Not that it matters...just curious. Also, your OP reads like a weird homework assignment...it's pointless...it's worded oddly. If you've some personal experience to ask about then that would be fine...or if you were honest and said "Hey, hypothetical question here...do your kids get scared when they break stuff or not?" then that would be better than that odd shit you've written.

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