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Original poster

I have just tipped my 3yo Dd1's supper over her head.

955 replies

Orchardbeck · 29/04/2014 19:53

Not one of my finest moments, I have to say. I'm certainly not proud of the fact. She refused to eat it so I calmly tipped it over her head, gravy, the lot.

Dd1 has been refusing to eat meals for some time, I know it is a control issue as we are having other problems (tantrums, ignoring etc etc). I also have Dd2 who is 9 months and eating well (same meals just mashed or chopped well). She just sits there and either makes cheeky comments or shouts over me. I am at the end of my tether.

I make meals that I know Dd1 loves - she was previously an adventurous eater but now just picks and takes hours to finish a meal, and only with coaxing and threats of no pudding etc.

Tonight was sausage casserole, made with home raised pork and vegetables out of the garden, so not only do I feel bad about doing this, it was particularly painful to see it go to waste like that (DH's face was a picture, but he backed me up whether he agreed with it or not , bless him).

She has now been showered and sent to bed with nothing more to eat. She is very eloquent for her age (3 1/4 yo) and has been from age 1, she used to be so well behaved and a joy to have around.

Obviously I was worried about her reaction to dd2, but she loves her to pieces. She just takes other people off to one side to get their full attention - it can be overwhelming for them sometimes.

I know she is rebelling because I have to dedicate attention to her younger sister, plus my OH is a farmer and works all hours so it's just me looking after them. She goes to pre school 2 mornings per week.

What can I do? Is it a phase? Have I crossed a massive line?

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fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2014 12:19

Implying people are abusers because they are cincerned for a wee girl is not on.

Migsy1 · 08/05/2014 12:25

I do feel ashamed of some things that I have done. I'm not saying that I have done anything particularly bad though. I would love to be perfect but sadly I'm not.

70hours · 08/05/2014 12:26

Ahhh Fanjo - my parenting is also excellent - I have not do e what the OP has done but I can 'get it'. I have never done lots of things but can empathise with those going through something. - Too imply that my parenting is questionable is also 'not on'. I think we will have to agree to differ. However one thing I strongly disagree with is the idea that you have more sympathy for the girl in question than the OP - I seriously doubt that is the case - You will never feel as sorry for that girl as the OP - you are not emotionally involved in the same manner - yes she got it wrong - yes she posted for help - IMO an abuser would not come on an Internet site and tell the world what they had done - In fact IME they go to astonishing lengths to hide and cover up what is going on - think baby P a the Polish boy etc etc

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fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2014 12:28

Well we are not either.

But we consider this incident and OP's attitude to be worrying and crossing a line.

Others don't.

There is no need for people attacking each other and criticising their parenting at all.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2014 12:30

70 I know nothing of your parenting. I was discussing migsys post.

I feel the OP probably posted as she didn't think there was anything wrong with the action at first.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2014 12:31

I know nothing if anyones parenting here.

But I strongly refute people finding it abusive are worried about their own actions and do think the opposite would be more likely IMO.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2014 12:32

Perfectly happy to agree to differ.

But then people come along with posts like migsys one.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2014 12:34

My last point is. .I can totally empathise with smeone going through something too. Have supported many folk on here. Am not a judgy poster.

The issue is that to me..and others..the OP didn't seem to snap because she was at end of tether. Which we could understand.

I don't know how much clearer I can make it here.

Will agree to differ and head off. :)

Migsy1 · 08/05/2014 12:36

Its the only reason I can think of for quite vitriolic lashing out posts such as yours.

Golly, I hadn't imagined that my post was a vitriolic lashing out. I was just trying to explain a point.

70hours · 08/05/2014 12:36

Fanjo I see where you are coming from - but you also have the people who protest too much - think of Ian Huntley on telly sympathising about the two girls he had killed - loads and loads of examples of people helping search teams whe. They have actually committed the crime - I guess what I am trying to say is that the nature of what someone says doesn't always follow with what someone does - IYSWIM

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2014 12:39

Migsy..you implied people concerned about abuse where abusers. That's err..quite harsh.

  1. Yes. Its just a difference of opinion on her words is all. :)
SpecialAgentFreyPie · 08/05/2014 12:46

It's FAR more likely that people minimising the OPs behaviour are doing so as they feel ashamed of things they have done too migsy.

This.
It's been said before, but if a male farmer was winging about the work he'd put into cattle and veg, and his toddler was a fusspot that drove him to decide to humiliate her (for his hard work) His wife was shocked, but put on a face. No one would agree with him. Lie and say you would, but I don't believe you. OP was like 'how can I fix my unruly DD?'NOT^ holy shit what have I done?

I'm usually all 'MN is so dramatic!!!!!!!111!!!'

HOW can anyone think this is okauy? The 'whoopsy, tee-hee' posts make me furious.

Migsy1 · 08/05/2014 12:48

Did I? I might have implied that other posters might do something that I would consider to be abuse. What I consider to be abuse is not abuse to someone else. That was the point that I was making - the whole thing is not cut and dry. It is an overall picture. If a parent does one abusive act, it doesn't mean that they are an abusive parent overall. A parent might never hit, shout or swear at their children, and might think that they parent very well, but an overall lack of love and affection (for example) could be construed as having a more harmful effect than one act of chucking dinner over a child's head in the context of an otherwise consistent atmosphere of love and affection.

Migsy1 · 08/05/2014 12:52

Not one of my finest moments, I have to say. I'm certainly not proud of the fact. and Have I crossed a massive line? Sounds like guilt and remorse to me but that is just how I've interpreted it.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2014 12:53

Migsy..when you put it like that I can see where you are coming from :)

Yes its just a difference in interpretation

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 08/05/2014 12:56

What I consider to be abuse is not abuse to someone else

You're absolutely right. That's why the laws are continuously moving, we don't know the end result. However, some things are guarded universally even if not by law. IMHO, in something like this you crumble to: But there's a LAW that says.... Isn't that same as the law says you need assessment, you are not trusted.

(FWIW I agree one abusive act does not = lifelong abuser but denying it was ever^abuse is not healthy)

70hours · 08/05/2014 13:13

Special agent - your post saying we would all be liars in regard to judging the hypothetically farmer - I find this type of post infuriating (sorry). YOU absolutely don't know how diff people will feel - just because it is not the same as you doesn't make people liars - Very judgemental from you IMHO - Fanjo - I think you are right - guess we will never know what happened to OP and her DD - hope all is ok with them both :)

chocoluvva · 08/05/2014 13:23

migsy - I posted earlier making exactly the same point as you.

There's so much pressure on us to be perfect parents now. But none of us are - a perfect parent would be a perfect human being. We need to accept this.

Labelling one-off incidents as 'abuse' might or might not be correct as far as dictionary definitions of abuse go, but it's not necessarily helpful.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2014 13:25

Noone has said we are all perfect.

chocoluvva · 08/05/2014 13:31

Arguably, parents who let their DC have a poor diet because they think that battling with them to eat healthily isn't worth it are neglectful - in general we make choices for our DC when they're little because they aren't mature enough to make good choices....

We don't let them go to bed when they want to either - because it's important to establish good sleep patterns....

chocoluvva · 08/05/2014 13:35

Would you report someone to SS for letting their DC have a poor diet?

Playingthelonggame · 08/05/2014 14:09

It's FAR more likely that people minimising the OPs behaviour are doing so as they feel ashamed of things they have done too migsy Shock

fanjo I'm glad you have had the seal of approval that your a good parent there is a blue peter badge in the post for you. However , most people don't need written confirmation to know they are a good parent.

Your posts are littered with hypocrisy, are you aware of what your posting?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2014 14:18

It's you're

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2014 14:20

Maybe read the post I was replying to instead of taking my post out of context so you can bitch me out

Playingthelonggame · 08/05/2014 14:21

Resorting to grammar spotting Sad