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I have just tipped my 3yo Dd1's supper over her head.

955 replies

Orchardbeck · 29/04/2014 19:53

Not one of my finest moments, I have to say. I'm certainly not proud of the fact. She refused to eat it so I calmly tipped it over her head, gravy, the lot.

Dd1 has been refusing to eat meals for some time, I know it is a control issue as we are having other problems (tantrums, ignoring etc etc). I also have Dd2 who is 9 months and eating well (same meals just mashed or chopped well). She just sits there and either makes cheeky comments or shouts over me. I am at the end of my tether.

I make meals that I know Dd1 loves - she was previously an adventurous eater but now just picks and takes hours to finish a meal, and only with coaxing and threats of no pudding etc.

Tonight was sausage casserole, made with home raised pork and vegetables out of the garden, so not only do I feel bad about doing this, it was particularly painful to see it go to waste like that (DH's face was a picture, but he backed me up whether he agreed with it or not , bless him).

She has now been showered and sent to bed with nothing more to eat. She is very eloquent for her age (3 1/4 yo) and has been from age 1, she used to be so well behaved and a joy to have around.

Obviously I was worried about her reaction to dd2, but she loves her to pieces. She just takes other people off to one side to get their full attention - it can be overwhelming for them sometimes.

I know she is rebelling because I have to dedicate attention to her younger sister, plus my OH is a farmer and works all hours so it's just me looking after them. She goes to pre school 2 mornings per week.

What can I do? Is it a phase? Have I crossed a massive line?

OP posts:
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fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/05/2014 13:43

Dont know how on earth you can read me objecting to all the bitchy posts as me having a slanging match

Weird.

differentnameforthis · 04/05/2014 13:47

70hours, your dh wasn't called a cunt.

What was said, was most people would call a man who behaved like that [tipping food on their wife] a 'complete twat'

Someone then came in saying a better word for a man like that, would be 'cunt'

So no, your dh wasn't called a cunt, that line doesn't even apply to him.. unless he behaves like that ... (and from your posts, it doesn't sound like he does), so no harm done?

After all, a 3yr old isn't harmed by having a meal tipped on her head, so your dh & yourself shouldn't be harmed by a statement that isn't even aimed at him.

differentnameforthis · 04/05/2014 13:59

JohnnyBarthes I can't tell from your post whether you think that this kind of thing towards a child is worse than that towards a partner...may just be me, it is late here.

But I think it is worse towards a child (and don't get me wrong, it is horrible either way & no one, adult or child should have to live with that). The reason I say this is because that child had NO idea what her mother did was wrong, or that it overstepped the mark.

She has no choice but to live with that now. Whereas an adult could walk away. An adult would know that that is NOT how you treat someone. An adult could defend themselves (and I am not talking about a DV situation, I am talking about a one off incident, say, doing it to a friend/stranger)

A child cannot walk away
A child cannot know that this is wrong

70 hours. Calm down, where the hell did ANYONE imply that you deserved anything?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

differentnameforthis · 04/05/2014 14:02

70 hours. Calm down, where the hell did ANYONE imply that you deserved anything?

Well, except you, of course....

bumpieonamission · 04/05/2014 14:02

fanjo, I have read your posts and it seems you wish to judge or pick fights with anyone who doesn't hold your view. Everyone in entitled to an opinion which stems from their beliefs, interpretation and experiences.

By you commenting or showing judgement to people's posts you are drawing the attention away from her need for support and more towards your pigheadedness.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/05/2014 14:06

Is that right bumpie.

Yes..I do judge all the personal attacks and bitchy posts as totally unnecessary.

Thats what I was trying to say.

Thanks :)

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/05/2014 14:09

Some very weird accusations on this thread.

Very goady.

rabbitrisen · 04/05/2014 14:13

Has anything new been said on this thread since about Thursday?

rabbitrisen · 04/05/2014 14:16

It is like handbags at dawn on here.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/05/2014 14:18

From one side.yes.

MrsRuffdiamond · 04/05/2014 15:00

Oh, Fanjo - For ganging up posts..see mrsruff and pumpkin just up there.

If you call that little 3 post exchange 'ganging up' and 'bitchy and sneery', how do you think the op feels when 90% of the thread is condemning her out of hand?

My posts have not been made to 'gang up' on anyone, rather to try and put another perspective on the thread, which I am sure has been the motivation of the few others who have not piled in to completely slate the op.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/05/2014 15:06

I do call it that yes.

FunLovinBunster · 04/05/2014 15:30

Bumpie, you had me supporting you all the way.
But then you had a go at Fanjo.
Everyone's entitled to their opinion, and I think Fanjo has been less arsey than I have!

JohnnyBarthes · 04/05/2014 17:36

different I don't think comparisons are that useful here; it was partly people coming out with "imagine if your husband did this to you" which provoked me to post. Plenty of things which would be dysfunctional if one adult did it to another (sending them to bed early, say, or stopping their pocket money because they hadn't done their chores) are not generally not abusive if a parent does it to their child. In fact chances are you'd be letting your child down if you didn't resort to these things sometimes.

Tipping dinner over anyone's head as punishment is never OK though.

JohnnyBarthes · 04/05/2014 17:39

Too many nots! Plenty of things...are generally not abusive if a parent does it to their child. Hmm

70hours · 04/05/2014 17:59

I agree JohnnyBarthes - like sending children to their room, timeout, with holding money (pocket money), removing television, Xbox etc - all would seem abusive if one adult did to another but all acceptable forms of discipline when done parent to child

MiaowTheCat · 04/05/2014 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsRuffdiamond · 04/05/2014 19:02

Well that wasn't the intention Fanjo, far from it. I don't think I have enough clout on MN to gang up on anyone!

I'm sorry if you felt it was aimed at you, it wasn't. It was a comment on what could be perceived as the 'ganging up' on the op by the majority of posters, most of whom, by the law of averages, aren't going to be perfect parents themselves.

The term 'ganging up' usually implies a disparity of numbers in the gang's favour. I don't think that is the case here.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/05/2014 19:03

Miaow. Noone called her husband a c*

Thats the worst summing up of a thread I have ever seen.

Its like a Daily Mail summation of it.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/05/2014 19:09

No actually. .its the Sun version

4fortea · 04/05/2014 19:54

Orchardbeck I don't expect you'll be posting for help again after being judged so harshly Sad
All parents make mistakes. We are not perfect. Three is a tricky age generally and food issues tend to get better with age, once you can reason with a difficult eater and it is less of a control issue.
Try to keep muddling through until it gets easier.

FunLovinBunster · 04/05/2014 20:39

There's no talking to stupid.....

VeryStressedMum · 04/05/2014 20:44

The ops dd obviously eats (as nothing has been said about her weight loss or health) she's just being difficult about meals. Stop the coaxing, threatening no pudding etc, she won't starve herself to death give her things you know she'll like but you won't mind throwing away, or make good that can be reheated so she can eat it later.
She' 3...either she's not eating because she's not hungry or she's picking up on your stress and is reacting to it. Calm yourself and it will resolve itself.
Do not throw food over her again.
You have a lot of years ahead of you and things will get more testing than this...

differentnameforthis · 05/05/2014 01:17

MiaowTheCat Nobody called anyone's dh a cunt, if you read the thread properly.

mathanxiety · 05/05/2014 04:39

It might not be acceptable to you, math, and in an ideal world not to anyone, but maybe you've been lucky enough never to have reached the end of your tether.

I have five DCs and none of them were 'good eaters'. I said this in one of my first posts on this thread. I am familiar with frustration. Unlike some on this thread I do not see a world where children do not get food tipped over them as unrealistic or 'ideal'.

Being able to count to ten and walk away and make a sandwich means you're not at the end of your tether, in my book.

It is most surprising to me to see this remark and so many like it. We are adults. We count to ten and we do not engage in no-win battles with small children. End of.

If we insist on playing small children at their own game then we forfeit the right to use the title 'adult'.

As an end of tether action, as I've said before, it's fairly restrained, imo. I've never tipped a meal over any of my dc, but I have, to my shame, shouted, and banged my fist on the table. Maybe the op thought that would be more damaging, and I'm in no position to argue.

It was a violent gesture designed to make the child pay attention to the feelings of the OP, a tantrum. It was the equivalent of pounding a wall or kicking the proverbial cat.