What math has said, all along.
The method chosen to communicate the importance of food doesn't make any sense. If it's important then why waste it? What is it important for?
I wondered that. OP is allowed to waste food, by tipping it all over her daughter, but her daughter is not allowed to waste food. Double standards.
Only one person answered the 'what if your dh did it to you' question, & her answer was 'I think that I would have deserved it' (paraphrasing).
Would it be ok to do this to an elderly relative who wasn't eating?
A disabled person?
People think that just because this was a 3yr old, who was 'rebelling/controlling/having a tantrum/or even just being 3 (insert normal 3yr old behaviour here)' that this was an acceptable punishment to scare her into not doing it again or as op said "I guess I was looking for a shock reaction to get her to understand how important it is to eat" (that in itself is chilling, do we really want our children controlled by fear?)
When you are at the end of your tether (been there, before I get accused of being 'perfect, smug' etc) IF you snap, you snap in a temper, not 'calmly'
Me, being perfect, of course (so not) I walk away. I might shout. I might say something about it being a waste. I might even tell them that they are lucky to have a hot meal each day.
Yes, my child has dumped food on themselves before now, no, I have never thought it would be a useful parenting tactic. NO, I have never done it.
I have actually walked away, sat my self out side at the front of the house once, because they were being typical kids. I didn't want to listen to it, and they didn't want to listen to me. So I took time out.
Went back in, after 5 minutes, with a clear head, ready to sort it out.
The posters saying that it was cold, tepid, the child was playing up, children dump food on themselves anyway, that it was funny, that there was no harm done etc etc, you are all excusing the op & making what she did seem like it was nothing. You are all validating her actions, which leads to victim blaming.
I really would like to know what you all would do/think if your dh tipped a meal on YOUR heads.
The OP's 3 yo is doing this night after night, being cheeky & shouting over her (not unusual 3yo behaviour, but fecking frustrating night after night!!) you simply ordered something you decided you didn't like... not the same level of provocation at all So now the THREE year old provoke her to do this? (More victim blaming)
As to your point that the child is doing this night after night, I think by now, the op should have been able to find a way to deal with without losing control of the situation. Being fussy about food CAN be normal 3yr old behaviour, actually.
Being able to count to ten and walk away and make a sandwich means you're not at the end of your tether, in my book. That's bollocks in my book. It takes a lot of self awareness, but knowing when you are about to hit that table/smack a child etc & being able to say to yourself 'walk away' IS possible. And it is possible because I will not revisit MY childhood on my kids. Also, ruff, shouting isn't end of tether stuff, neither is banging a fist on the table, really, imo.
I bet all the sanctimonious parents... Seriously, we are sanctimonious because we refuse to see how throwing food over a child is a valid parenting technique? OK!
And fanjo is right, we have been called smug, sanctimonious, perfect parents etc. Yet we have not felt the need to resort to name calling to those who have supported op. yes, we have said they are victim blaming, but that is hardly the same as those posters calling us names.
I don't see why others attacking her have absolutely no empathy with her and can't accept that To me, she wasn't asking for advice. Her op is full of her feelings about the food & the waste, about controlling her child, to me, she was looking for validation!
assuming she did, how do you expect she felt having read post after post calling her an abuser? ... She deserved honesty Well she did get honesty, didn't she? What, are we, who find it unacceptable, supposed to just shut up & hide ourselves away?