I have just tipped my 3yo Dd1's supper over her head.

[Orchardbeck]

Not one of my finest moments, I have to say. I'm certainly not proud of the fact. She refused to eat it so I calmly tipped it over her head, gravy, the lot.

Dd1 has been refusing to eat meals for some time, I know it is a control issue as we are having other problems (tantrums, ignoring etc etc). I also have Dd2 who is 9 months and eating well (same meals just mashed or chopped well). She just sits there and either makes cheeky comments or shouts over me. I am at the end of my tether.

I make meals that I know Dd1 loves - she was previously an adventurous eater but now just picks and takes hours to finish a meal, and only with coaxing and threats of no pudding etc.

Tonight was sausage casserole, made with home raised pork and vegetables out of the garden, so not only do I feel bad about doing this, it was particularly painful to see it go to waste like that (DH's face was a picture, but he backed me up whether he agreed with it or not , bless him).

She has now been showered and sent to bed with nothing more to eat. She is very eloquent for her age (3 1/4 yo) and has been from age 1, she used to be so well behaved and a joy to have around.

Obviously I was worried about her reaction to dd2, but she loves her to pieces. She just takes other people off to one side to get their full attention - it can be overwhelming for them sometimes.

I know she is rebelling because I have to dedicate attention to her younger sister, plus my OH is a farmer and works all hours so it's just me looking after them. She goes to pre school 2 mornings per week.

What can I do? Is it a phase? Have I crossed a massive line?

Really any need for that comparison

Fanjo for the love of god, just give it rest and just go to sleep!

This thread is ridiculous. Some of the people on here a disillusion. My 3 year old has food issues but resorting to what the OP did is disgusting, humiliating and quite frankly she should be made to feel fucking guilty about it.

What is wrong with you people?

Lovethaiorchids get back in your box

I wish I could sleep tbh.

This thread is surreal. Cant argue with people who just type bitchiness.

The snarky bitchiness is actually really distasteful given the subject of the thread.

I actually think the fact she knew the food was cold and she says she did what she did 'calmly' paints a worse picture than she realises. The child was sitting there refusing to eat for a long time in order for the food to go cold, an hour in fact, and there was time to consider the response and for the OP to monitor her own level of anger and get a hold of herself. Instead of taking away the plate the OP got into an hour long battle of wills with a 3 yo, which she could have foreseen as the child has been refusing meals for some time. Not only will the direct frontal assault (sitting for an hour while the food goes cold, trying to make the child eat, and the extreme gesture) not accomplish the desired result here, it places the child in danger of escalating efforts to impress upon her the 'importance of eating'.

I love the fact that people who disagree with the majority on this thread already called bitchy - please look at the abuse I and others have edured on this thread because we dared to have a differing opinion than the majority - well actually that is not true - I don't agree with what the OP did BUT I understand that sometimes we do tnings and then thing I G what have I done. the OP doesn't agree with what she did - She can't undo it but she doesn't need pages of women calling her disgusting and a child abuser etc -Seeing things from another perspective oesnt make me an abuser, my husband a C@@@, my marriage a bad one etc etc - all the things that I have been a caused of, luckily or me I don't take it personally as I am able to calm, rationale and removed from the situation (something, some if you need to work on quite frankly). However, before you accuse me and others if being bitchy please look at your own and others posts towards us and see if you can actually see things from both sides -

I don't know why the last part of my post is crossed out I obviously pressed something I shouldn't have done

Whatever.

Am off this thread now.

My final point is...we understand people having a bad day and things getting too much..a momentary lapse of control..very well.

But as math said we don't feel this was one due to OPs tone and what she said.

Bye.

And that's the important thing, not who said what to whom.

we don't feel - Ahh those famous non judgemental words ...... Bye - And FWIW you brought the who said what to whom comment into it :). Not that that's important obviously :)

Crikey! Hope you both slept well 70 and Fanjo!

This isn't personal For me Bit - but I will not be bullied or bitched out of a thread because I have a different opinion to the masses :). I slept very well

Fgs its not your opinion that riles its the fact everything you post is bitchy or calls others judgmental in an aggressive or snide manner

REAAD TGE THREAD FANJO AND COMMENTS AIMED AT ME - Don't cherry pick your argument - seek out the facts - thought you were leaving ages ago - sad now that we arguing but I will not be called a bitch just because you can't get me to see things from your POV - if you don't like my posts and feel they are inappropriate please report me !!!!!!!!!!

Fanjo I think it got undignified quite a while ago

Interesting how some people in this thread fail to show the basic self control in a simple discussion they expect from the OP when at the end of her tether dealing with her child. If it was that simple surely everyone would get it right, whether in making a point in a, let's admit it, less than crucial, thread on the internet, or in dealing with a tantruming child.

Have followed this thread with interest. I still think the mother in this case is unhinged to do this and then act calmly about it (and with regard to the farm raised food etc) and her other thoughts, they disturb me greatly.

In fact (going to get flamed here) - the OP is a SAHM - surely she has less pressure than a working mother, so therefore more time/patience to deal with her children.

I am not a mother (flame again) but have friends with children, have done courses in childcare, in fact my neighbour has a child with similar age to OP (3 in August) and also a young baby and though I'm sure my neighbour gets close to the end of her tether I'm certain she wouldn't do what the OP has done.

But like I said before I hope the OP sees her health visitor or anyone else who can help her going forward as I'm sorry but her behaviour and thoughts are not rational. In my opinion. and yes everyone can lose it sometimes but there's self control and count to 10.

I'm afraid until you have experiences this yourself, you cannot know or appreciate the unrelenting pressure of being a parent, let alone a SAHP. The more time you spend with your child, the greater the pressure becomes. You feel brow beaten and downtrodden. It is harder than anything else you can do and the responsibility is immense.

However, I cannot condone what the OP did, although I can understand how easy it is to get to breaking point. When you have a child going through the terrible twos and the threenage phase, we all do and say things that we later regret. No one is perfect, but you have to have self control. This is what the OP was lacking IMHO.

I think math hit the nail on the head as to why some of us cannot understand relating this to being at the end of your tether - as we all have been. Being calm is far more terrifying than being angry.

My father did this to me as a toddler. \well, actually he smashed my face into a bowl of stew. I was 4. I remember being frightened, confused and embarrassed. He went on to get a lot worse.

If he were a woman, he'd type exactly like OP. No one will tell me being unable to know when you will breathe again isn't abuse. \no one will tell me than then showering said child and putting them to bed hungry for THEIR crime isn't abuse.

It is. And in all likelihood, this child will remember. And again, I agree with math that the nonchalant attitude and the frankly WEIRD posting style indicates she's at the very least distanced herself enough to not feel as she should about this incident. NO ONE does this just off the bat.

Due to the damage my parents did to me, I'm actually sad enough to feel BRAVE to post this, knowing I'll be criticised. I've feared criticism all my life because of incidents like these. People who say 'but it was one off!' or are heartless enough to 'giggle' don't deserve children or are able to adequately care for them IMHO.

.And that is why I am not full of sympathy for OP.

Not because I am judgmental or dont understand about kids being exasperating. .my DD has severe autism and ADHD.

But because of what SpecialAgent said.

Cant believe someone said because I get annoyed at people being bitchy online I should understand the OP being at end of tether.

Even if the bitchy people from online were in front of me I'd exercise restraint and not pour food on their head..

And a three year old is totally innocent of doing anything except being young.

I probably won't rehide it as people are making valuable and interesting contributions.

But if you are posting just to snipe at me, dont bother. Am not engaging.

Children in abuse cases can suffer daily

A possible one off event is not the same as possible abuse for years for example.
I think that is what some of us are trying to say.
Perspective and all that.

Can you see the difference?

One evening is not even the same as 1 week.

But the OPs attitude has led many to feel it is not necessarily a one off.

Can you understand that?