I have just tipped my 3yo Dd1's supper over her head.

[Orchardbeck]

Not one of my finest moments, I have to say. I'm certainly not proud of the fact. She refused to eat it so I calmly tipped it over her head, gravy, the lot.

Dd1 has been refusing to eat meals for some time, I know it is a control issue as we are having other problems (tantrums, ignoring etc etc). I also have Dd2 who is 9 months and eating well (same meals just mashed or chopped well). She just sits there and either makes cheeky comments or shouts over me. I am at the end of my tether.

I make meals that I know Dd1 loves - she was previously an adventurous eater but now just picks and takes hours to finish a meal, and only with coaxing and threats of no pudding etc.

Tonight was sausage casserole, made with home raised pork and vegetables out of the garden, so not only do I feel bad about doing this, it was particularly painful to see it go to waste like that (DH's face was a picture, but he backed me up whether he agreed with it or not , bless him).

She has now been showered and sent to bed with nothing more to eat. She is very eloquent for her age (3 1/4 yo) and has been from age 1, she used to be so well behaved and a joy to have around.

Obviously I was worried about her reaction to dd2, but she loves her to pieces. She just takes other people off to one side to get their full attention - it can be overwhelming for them sometimes.

I know she is rebelling because I have to dedicate attention to her younger sister, plus my OH is a farmer and works all hours so it's just me looking after them. She goes to pre school 2 mornings per week.

What can I do? Is it a phase? Have I crossed a massive line?

How on earth can you tell the OP is a great mother?

Lovethaiorchids - at no point did I see the OP mention any feelings of deep felt regret or sympathy for her dd. What she did was justify her actions by telling us how her daughter is very eloquent and was very cheeky. She also mentioned that she feels bad for doing it but added I that this was partly due to the food waste. I didn't get the impression that there was a feeling of deep regret. To distract from her own actions by telling us about the shortcomings of a three year old and how the three year old has caused the reaction is what has caused many posters on the thread to feel outraged and to voice their shock.
Food waste is not an important issue when we are considering the humiliation of a three year old child especially as she was also sent o bed hungry. I think depriving a child of food is terrible regardless of whether they have played around with an earlier meal.

These are the ops words

I'm certainly not proud of the fact

so not only do I feel bad about doing this

No, I am not happy about what I have done, hence why I have posted

Yes, I do need help. I'm not proud os what happened.

I know I shouldn't have done it

I'm crying as I type - I'm devestated

most of those were about the food, which she took the time to explain, so she couldn't have been crying or cared that much.

PirateJones no they weren't! All of those are about how she feels about what she did to her DD.

One of those statements - "so not only do I feel bad about doing this" - was in a sentence about the food but the "this" referred to the action.

Don't make stuff up!

Exactly what SoFishy said.

I therefore suggest to you, and maybe others, that you go into customise and highlight the ops posts. And then carefully reread them. They are all here still for all to see and read.

And I also discoverered that she said "The food was cold.." and something about there was no chance of scalding, or something like that.

And in case anyone wants to reread my posts, my first one reads "You have got the flaming which I think you know you should have got"

Again, all here for everyone to read.

Lets look at what else this person who is so worried about what she has done posted.

in context: I made this lovely food and i'm upset i threw it away:

Not one of my finest moments, I have to say. I'm certainly not proud of the fact. She refused to eat it so I calmly tipped it over her head, gravy, the lot.

it was particularly painful to see it go to waste like that

Tonight was sausage casserole, made with home raised pork and vegetables out of the garden, so not only do I feel bad about doing this, it was particularly painful to see it go to waste like that (DH's face was a picture, but he backed me up whether he agreed with it or not , bless him).

Becuase you would post that if you were really upset about your actions wouldn't you?

And still more interest in the food than what she has done…

Dd1 has been refusing to eat meals for some time, I know it is a control issue as we are having other problems (tantrums, ignoring etc etc). I also have Dd2 who is 9 months and eating well (same meals just mashed or chopped well).

At at the end she STILL doesn't realise how dangerous crossing the line is, as shes blaming the daughter still.

What can I do? Is it a phase?

We have all read that PirateJones.

Yes, we all read what you posted to, but it wouldn't be net mums if we didn't repeat and backtrack would it.

My Mum pushed my sisters face into her dinner once, stew and mash for anyone who is interested. She was about 4.

We never forgot it and although my Mum joked about it and tried to lighten it for years it's something I really hold against her. Mind you, she was a terrifying woman at the best of times, maybe I would have been more forgiving if she'd been ok the rest of the time.

Pirate, it's not netmums

But thanks for that emboldening yu did for those of us struggling to understand

Pirate, it's not netmums

it's the second time i've done that!

But thanks for that emboldening yu did for those of us struggling to understand

I did it becuase the site doesn't have quote boxes.

Iam so glad that there are some posters around who are not judgemental types - I ought I was the only one -

math anxiety - I like to think I say what I see - it has been described as a gift before - thanks

Happy to be judgmental of people who are mean to tiny kids.

Don't you think judging someone who humiliates their little girl and shows no real regret or reflection on her actions is more than justified? I judge, which means that I use my judgment, and I'm glad that I can empathise with a young child unlike some on here

I think the person who cares most about the child in question is the OP - you lot are just jumped up judgemental people who want to kick someone when they are down and them defend your nastiness by saying you are doing it for the goodness of the child !!!!! You only care about showing how 'good' a parent you are by putting someone else who is at a low ebb down !!!

Err no thats bull.

Sorry to spoil your theory.

Well I'm not a parent so I'm not trying to prove anything.

That is just such a childish shallow thing to say tbh, 70.

Not a theory a fact :). And thanks for your intelligent reply it has given me lots to think about

I find it utterly bizarre that here on MN we have a woman who in a fit of exasperation tipped her child's food on her head who is getting totally ripped to pieces. And on another thread, huge outpourings of sympathy/empathy for another woman who took heroin and died whilst a small baby was in her care.

I think the person who cares most about the child in question is the OP

Likewise, when i want to show people i care i throw food at them and explain in detail where all the wasted food came from.

Not a theory a fact

The only way to know that would be if you were the OP.