I have just tipped my 3yo Dd1's supper over her head.

[Orchardbeck]

Not one of my finest moments, I have to say. I'm certainly not proud of the fact. She refused to eat it so I calmly tipped it over her head, gravy, the lot.

Dd1 has been refusing to eat meals for some time, I know it is a control issue as we are having other problems (tantrums, ignoring etc etc). I also have Dd2 who is 9 months and eating well (same meals just mashed or chopped well). She just sits there and either makes cheeky comments or shouts over me. I am at the end of my tether.

I make meals that I know Dd1 loves - she was previously an adventurous eater but now just picks and takes hours to finish a meal, and only with coaxing and threats of no pudding etc.

Tonight was sausage casserole, made with home raised pork and vegetables out of the garden, so not only do I feel bad about doing this, it was particularly painful to see it go to waste like that (DH's face was a picture, but he backed me up whether he agreed with it or not , bless him).

She has now been showered and sent to bed with nothing more to eat. She is very eloquent for her age (3 1/4 yo) and has been from age 1, she used to be so well behaved and a joy to have around.

Obviously I was worried about her reaction to dd2, but she loves her to pieces. She just takes other people off to one side to get their full attention - it can be overwhelming for them sometimes.

I know she is rebelling because I have to dedicate attention to her younger sister, plus my OH is a farmer and works all hours so it's just me looking after them. She goes to pre school 2 mornings per week.

What can I do? Is it a phase? Have I crossed a massive line?

This whole car crash of a thread is a fine example of how we all tend to advise from the perspective of our own experiences and based on our own personalities.

I truly envy all of you who be it by the virtue of having had even-tempered and biddable children or by having patient natures themselves and good parenting skills never having been driven to do something they then regretted afterwards. I am not being sarky; I really find that enviable.

Noone has said they have never acted in a way they rerge

Err regret.

But there's a difference between a bit of shouting and humiliating your child.

But there's a difference between a bit of shouting and humiliating your child

Yes, there is.
I'd include humiliating your child in the things that one would regret and seek to avoid.

What we simply don't know if this was a one-off "I totally lost the plot" situation or the upthread quoted "tip of the iceberg". We don't know.

It was her attitude that upset people. Including me. She did it and then still sent the wee girl to bed with no supper as punishment.

I must admit only talking about personal, friend and DH experience! The op did say she knew it was wrong. I think she was looking for help. An abusive parent wouldn't care if they were wrong or ask for help as their feelings are the only ones that count.

From the OP I don't think there was any regret shown, she was more arsed about the home grown veg.

But hopefully the OP is gunna take some of the advice on board and speak to someone

I think she was really mainly asking for help with breaking her DD's fussy eating habit.

Anyway..I think its clear..there are two schools of thought here and the twain shall never meet.

Come on this is a wind up thread?????
A horrible sick wind up thread ???

I'd be heartbroken if I did that to my little lad sorry if I sound harsh but think that's totally wrong ! However I can understand how exasperating that would be all I can suggest is makin small amounts ignore the " I don't like it's" and let them get on eating it and if they don't eat it then there's nothing else !

I managed to have not one but five non eaters. I have felt very close to losing it many times.

My mum's advice (because I was also a fresh airian and so were my sisters) was to ignore it all, even the rude comments, clear off the table after half an hour/forty minutes, serve a jam sandwich instead of dinner if dinner is refused, never cajole or persuade anyone to eat, ask brightly if they are finished when comments and pushing food around begin, and whisk the plate away cheerfully if the answer is yes, always use the smallest plates for dinner and even then only half fill them, serve dinner earlier, make sure children got plenty to drink during the afternoon, make sure lunch is healthy, and breakfast too.

I revised my expectations downwards of how meals would go, and served a lot of jam sandwiches and occasionally peanut butter too. I also tried letting them eat in front of the TV and they liked this.

A child of three is very immature and you have to be the grown up and hold yourself to higher standards.

I spoke to my mum about this and she said as a child I would go for weeks without eating properly, then the next few weeks I'd be like an animal. She said she just went with it although it was frustrating sometimes.

I can sympathise, I'm very quick to lose temper too, best thing you can do is sit down in the morning and apologise and explain that you feel very bad about what happened and explain (as best as you can to a 3 year old ) why you got so upset and assure that it won't happen again. What I'm unsure about is when you say calmly? Was this not done in a state of anger and frustration?

This would be unacceptable if an adult did it to another adult or a child did it to another child therefore I cannot understand why some people seem to be minimising it - IMO its abuse and the tone of the original post worries me as does the husband backing her actions!

I truly envy all of you who be it by the virtue of having had even-tempered and biddable children or by having patient natures themselves and good parenting skills never having been driven to do something they then regretted afterwards.

I'm sure if we asked everyone's child in here they would be able to quickly tell a time that their parents went nuts. Out of the mouth of babes...

Whether a child is difficult or not, it doesn't deserve to be abused like this. Therefore the 'even tempered and biddable children' line is a load of crap.

We don't victim blame here, so it's irrelevant.

I'm sure if we asked everyone's child in here they would be able to quickly tell a time that their parents went nuts.

Which is exactly why my nephew lives with me and not his mother. Abuse is abuse.

Even most of us who have been supportive have been quite clear that it's unacceptable. That's not the issue. People are not saying "Oh, kids can drive you mad so this is acceptable". What they are saying is "It's not acceptable, but some of us have been somewhere comparable and understand how it could happen, here are some suggestions to make sure it doesn't happen again."

It drives me mad how people misrepresent and wildly polarise what has been written on a thread. I think very, very few people on here have said what happened was acceptable. Thos who are more sympathetic simply want to support and help a bit rather than just condemn.

Well said, SoFishy

Completely agree fishy ??we are not saying good for you you should have done this ages ago, what we are saying is what's done is done and this is what to do now

My comments are more aimed towards those going on about it being a 'blip' and 'one of those things' or even the fact they'd giggle about it

It can be frustrating. My dd eats bugger all but try to follow the recommended route but do understand it can be hard not to make it a battleground. I'm not going to judge as we all have our finer moments in parenting. Just best to see it as a blip and start afresh tomorrow.

"Some of us have been somewhere comparable"..

That is where I think we differ.

All these people on the thread not condemning OP have really done comparable things to her?

That scares me for the population of toddlers today tbh.

I think people may have shouted at kids and regretted it.

Not abused them like this.

It's a question of how serious you see her actions as being I think.

Id hope very few on thread had actually done something comparable.

Poor little lady, I would be super ashamed if this was me, I doubt I would ever forgive myself. :(

I do however feel your frustration, my daughter done this at 1 and every time she refused meals I would sob and sob.... But then she just picked up her appetite again. She will get there!

Scalded??? I'm pretty sure she never put scalding food down for her child to eat! Some people on here!!!