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I have just tipped my 3yo Dd1's supper over her head.

955 replies

Orchardbeck · 29/04/2014 19:53

Not one of my finest moments, I have to say. I'm certainly not proud of the fact. She refused to eat it so I calmly tipped it over her head, gravy, the lot.

Dd1 has been refusing to eat meals for some time, I know it is a control issue as we are having other problems (tantrums, ignoring etc etc). I also have Dd2 who is 9 months and eating well (same meals just mashed or chopped well). She just sits there and either makes cheeky comments or shouts over me. I am at the end of my tether.

I make meals that I know Dd1 loves - she was previously an adventurous eater but now just picks and takes hours to finish a meal, and only with coaxing and threats of no pudding etc.

Tonight was sausage casserole, made with home raised pork and vegetables out of the garden, so not only do I feel bad about doing this, it was particularly painful to see it go to waste like that (DH's face was a picture, but he backed me up whether he agreed with it or not , bless him).

She has now been showered and sent to bed with nothing more to eat. She is very eloquent for her age (3 1/4 yo) and has been from age 1, she used to be so well behaved and a joy to have around.

Obviously I was worried about her reaction to dd2, but she loves her to pieces. She just takes other people off to one side to get their full attention - it can be overwhelming for them sometimes.

I know she is rebelling because I have to dedicate attention to her younger sister, plus my OH is a farmer and works all hours so it's just me looking after them. She goes to pre school 2 mornings per week.

What can I do? Is it a phase? Have I crossed a massive line?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
bibliomania · 30/04/2014 16:44

What an utterly ridiculous comparison, rabbit. So OP is not quite as bad as Boko Haram. It's a pretty low place to set the bar.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/04/2014 16:45

Aargh silly phone.

I said

"I punched my child"

"Oh thats ok.in other places children are being tortured. "

I think that would still not be OK

rabbitrisen · 30/04/2014 16:48

Of course she was not right. She said that. A hundred other people have said that including myself.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

rabbitrisen · 30/04/2014 16:49

Now I will ask you a question, the last two posters.

Do you want another parent to come onto mumsnet who has done some worse behaviour to their child? Do you want them to post about it and ask for advice and help?

bibliomania · 30/04/2014 16:56

Yes, I think it would be a good thing for that person to post. However, if their posts focused on trying to work out what was wrong with the dc, then I think the correct response is to forcefully point out that that is not where the problem lies.

bibliomania · 30/04/2014 16:57

(Have to go and collect my own dd now, so will be offline)

HavannaSlife · 30/04/2014 16:58

thumb good post, I know I can totally relate to that. I'm sometimes a bit snappy with the 11 year old when I've had a bad day with the toddlers

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/04/2014 16:58

No id rsther

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/04/2014 16:58

Sorry.

No. I'd rather they went

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/04/2014 16:59

..and got proper help.

Or had kids taken away if not safe.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/04/2014 17:03

Am not drinking. Phone has life of its own.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 30/04/2014 17:08

No I don't think people should come on here, get advice and then think all is absolved. We aren't professionals. We are just women (and men) giving our opinions. The OP needs professional help, not a load of random women going 'tomorrow is a new day' and 'it's just a slip'.

rabbitrisen · 30/04/2014 17:42

Fanjo. But cant they get both proper help and suggestions from here?

In the heat of the moment, often posters do not know where to go for help - mumsnetters can help with that

Or they are too scared to go for help - mumsnetters can help with that

rabbitrisen · 30/04/2014 17:43

Tequila, yes I agree that "tomorrow is a new day" and "it's just a slip" is not strong enough of a reaction to this situation.

rabbitrisen · 30/04/2014 17:50

Do you think that this is an extreme ss case?

spanky2 · 30/04/2014 18:06

Abusive parents don't apologise.

SuperFlyHigh · 30/04/2014 18:11

spanky some abusive parents do apologise I've had friends parents do this....

The thing is I can understand thinking this even tossing the dinner at bin, flicking it at OPs DD but tipping it over her head and the DH agreeing. And then saying she's had a bad thought (punching her DD was it?) to me that sounds unsafe and could escalate and if I knew OP I'd go to SS.

In hindsight I wish I'd called SS when my ex BF was thrashing the living daylights out of her oldest DS but this was years ago now.

Tenrec · 30/04/2014 18:13

spanky actually, many do. They say sorry, it won't happen again and then it does, but it's supposed to be all okay because they can just apologise again, and that makes up for it.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 30/04/2014 18:18

Abusive parents most certainly do apologise.... and then do it again. Some don't apologise.... and then do it again. There is no "one size fits all." I do not have the time now to RTFT, so based on the OP alone, that is one of the most staggering things I have ever read on MN. Incredible in its awfulness, tbh. Your poor DD.

BrianTheMole · 30/04/2014 18:40

Abusive parents don't apologise.

Thats not true. Sometimes they do apologise. And then do it again another time.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 30/04/2014 18:42

Abusive parents don't apologise.

Abusive partners don't either... oh no wait...Hmm

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/04/2014 18:45

Rabbit..where are you going with the "is this a serious SS case" line of questioning.

Are you suggesting there is a level of abuse that is acceptable?

AbbeyBartlet · 30/04/2014 19:36

It was another poster (elfycat) who mentioned about daydreaming about punching the child in the face I think.

rabbitrisen · 30/04/2014 19:37

No Fanjo. But ss cant handle all abuse in the country.
What the op did sounds like a one off - if she gets the help that she has been pointed to on here.

What would have happened if she didnt post on here last night?

And that is what I am ultimately afraid of. And why I keep on on this thread.
How many 100's or 1000's of mums are now not going to post on here and ask for help and ask to get pointed in the right direction?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/04/2014 19:47

Well if they have read this enough to be put off posting they will also have read that what they did is wrong and they should seek help. Problem solved.