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Original poster

2 girls walked my son out of the park

169 replies

Fcukfifa · 18/04/2014 20:36

Hi, I have no idea if I'm posting in the right section.

I'm debating whether to ring my local police station or not.

I was at the park with my two sons (4 and 1) there was also four other couples with us.

I was holding my youngest and do admit that I was gabbing away with friends whilst my oldest was playing with his friends, running about etc.

Then my oh looked across the park and he was out of the parks gates but still within the fields, walking across to another play area. He was walking with two girls aged about 12/13/14. Oh ran and brought him back and the girls went to the other section.

We was all pretty shocked and obviously I feel HUGELY guilty I took my eyes away from him!!

After about 5 minutes I started to seethe with the 2 girls so got up, walked to the other area and confronted them about it.

My son said they knew his name and where he lived, so I asked them if they did in fact know these things and they said no, I then said I don't appreciate them walking my son away from the park and I suggest they don't do it with any other children in the future (I was a bit shouty and had to wrap it up quickly because I started to feel really angry)

Anyway... I don't know, I guess I'm angry at myself, angry at them...a bit in shock...should I report it at the police station?
I keep thinking about Jamie bulger :(

Sorry if this is a bit rambley!

OP posts:
insancerre · 19/04/2014 10:33

I expect the girls involved were much younger than 14
it is very hard to judge young girls ages especially if they are tall
I wouldnt be reporting to the police but would put it down to experience and watch my child in the park next time
I would also be talking toy child about not wandering off

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 19/04/2014 10:41

OP it's often when you've got more adults there that children get "lost" as the adults all figure someone else is watching or someone else has the child.

Goblinchild · 19/04/2014 11:14

That's something I learnt from my father, he always says 'You have control' with eye contact so that you know that whatever it is, you're in charge.
That military background comes in useful sometimes.

mercibucket · 19/04/2014 11:30

the girls start in ops post aged
12/13/14

nowadays your average 14 year old looks about 25

i know plenty of 10 year olds who are very tall and mid-puberty. it is very hard to judge age

my 11 year old primary age child looks at least 14. he has been treated as inappropriately adult (i mean in a responsibility way) by adults since at least last year, when 10. he was shouted at by an adult last year and completely froze. (dont worry, i went mediaeval on the ass of that adult Grin )

in terms of their actions, they were probably nearer 10 than 14, i suggest, altho of course we wont know. but on this thread, their age is definitely moving upwards

NurseyWursey · 19/04/2014 11:33

Report.

Any girls with sense would have looked round for the little boys parents rather than just stroll off. Very strange.

NurseyWursey · 19/04/2014 11:35

And what all this 'I suspect they were younger' Erm why don't we trust the OP?

ThreeLannistersOneTargaryen · 19/04/2014 11:42

it's often when you've got more adults there that children get "lost" as the adults all figure someone else is watching or someone else has the child.

This happened to us with some friends when DS1 was two. Because there were four adults watching one toddler, I wasn't as vigilant as I was when in sole charge of him. He nearly drowned.

Slipshodsibyl · 19/04/2014 11:43

How on earth would op know the girls' ages? She didn't establish how her child had come to be leaving the area with the girls or whether he was just following. They were defensive because mum was understandably upset and it showed but they were probably thoughtless children themselves.

Put it down to experience. Most of us have taken out eyes off out children at some time.

Original poster
Fcukfifa · 19/04/2014 12:02

My original guess was about 13/14 but obviously some girls and boys can look way older or way younger so I wrote a broad guess. There was no way they was primary school aged though.

Pp, thank you I certainly have learned a lesson, along with the other couples who was with us too.

OP posts:
mercibucket · 19/04/2014 13:54

the 'no way they were primary age' thing
as i said, my primary age child looks at least 14, never mind 12 or 13. a lot of kids hit puberty in primary now, poor things

if you only have young kids, all older ones can seem massive and grown up.

anyway, good to tell them, at any age they need to know they cant go round doing that without checking with parents first. of course, round here quite a few 5 and 6 year olds go to the park by themselves (bit Hmm about this personally)

what i suppose i am trying to say is i really doubt any sinister motive behind this, just childish thoughtlessness, but it could still have ended badly of course.

Impatientismymiddlename · 19/04/2014 15:42

She's completely over reacted blaming these girls because of her own guilt.

I agree with this 100%.
I am trying to imagine my 12 year old coming home and telling me that some kid was following him and his mate around in the park and next minute some irate woman comes telling him off and accusing him of leading her child away. I would probably be angry enough to go to the park and try and find the woman and give her an irate piece of my mind and set her straight on her own responsibilities.
Some people have suggested that the girls should have been responsible for looking for this child's parents if he was following them; perhaps they could have done that, but they might not have thought about it. The 4 year old child is the parents responsibility and she is the one most at fault, unless we can be certain that the girls had something sinister in mind (which I very much doubt).

BertieBotts · 19/04/2014 16:07

I think it's a good opportunity to have a conversation with him about how strangers don't always look scary, they can be perfectly nice just like those girls, but if anybody asks him to go away from mummy or daddy he must come and ask first even if they say that it's okay or they've already asked you.

I don't think the girls would have realised how it would make you panic. Of course the Bulger case jumps immediately to an adult mind but remember they weren't even born when it happened, they probably have no idea that it did.

rollonthesummer · 19/04/2014 16:14

How did the girls reply to you, OP?

Slipshodsibyl · 19/04/2014 16:19

It doesn't sound as though op,waited for an explanation.

Original poster
Fcukfifa · 19/04/2014 16:26

Impatient, what if your son came home and said that he had asked a four year old boy if he wanted to come to a different part of the park with him and his friend?

OP posts:
Bettercallsaul1 · 19/04/2014 16:29

From the way you describe it, the chances are this wasn't sinister at all - we are just all supersensitised after the Bulger case. There is no reason to believe the girls meant him any harm. You describe him as a "very chatty little man", which sounds as if your son could have made the overtures to the girls, not vice versa. If they encouraged him by chatting back, he may just have tagged along with them as they made their way to another part of the playground. Ideally, of course, they would have been looking around for his parents and not allowing him to follow them blindly but they may have been walking straight ahead and didn't think of looking back to check. (After all, it wasn't their responsibility to be looking after him!)

I wouldn't think too much about this - it is a horrible idea that people meant harm to your son, and I wouldn't torture yourself with the thought of it. Abductions by strangers - especially children -are vanishingly rare. Treat this as a wake-up call to be even more vigilant of your sociable little son - the real casualty here was your peace of mind.

Original poster
Fcukfifa · 19/04/2014 16:34

the whole conversation was
Me -do you know his name? (Had my son next to me)
Girl - no (Snapped)
Me- do you know where he lives?
Girl - no (dripping with attitude)
Me - id appreciate it if you didn't take my son away from the park.
(Pause) and I suggest you don't take any other child either.

Then walked off, they was already walking off after I had asked the second question.

As I said before, if either of them had said oh sorry we didn't realise, or just any explanation I would have been fine but obviously I was in a panic anyway and then the hand on hip, and move of the neck from side to side along with snapping no got me angry. When they started to dawdle off was when I raised my voice.

There was plenty of adults about watching, so if I had been aggressive or over the top I'm sure someone would have stepped in.

OP posts:
BerylStreep · 19/04/2014 16:35

But you did say everyone around looked really shocked by the exchange.

Original poster
Fcukfifa · 19/04/2014 16:40

Bettercalls, thanks for replying, absolutely the voice of reason. He is super chatty and can talk the hind legs of a donkey.
I suppose when it's your little one all reason goes out of the window!

Oh I have for sure learnt my lesson, oh too, but still cannot get through to my son that strangers aren't just big ugly men trying to snatch them away and not to go with anyone he doesn't know!

OP posts:
Original poster
Fcukfifa · 19/04/2014 16:40

Beryl I meant shocked that the girls had had him with them.

OP posts:
annebullin · 19/04/2014 17:15

I think you're over-reacting. It's highly unlikely that the girls had anything sinister planned. They were probably wondering why a little boy had attached himself to them.

Falconi · 19/04/2014 18:13

I think the OP probably scared the girls and that is why they didn't answer properly.

Fairy1303 · 19/04/2014 18:31

Whatever the intentions of the girls, they need to understand that you just can't take a child away from their parents - firstly because of what lots of PP have said, what if he'd run off? drowned?

Also, they don't know anything about the child's parents - they need to protect themselves - the child's parents could have reacted a lot worse than the OP.

I think reporting it was the right thing to do - that way they can learn for next time.

annebullin · 19/04/2014 21:07

I think all the girls will learn if reported is to ignore a child who is on their own for fear of being accused of wrong doing.

BertieBotts · 19/04/2014 21:16

Oh gosh yes, I think if you're unfamiliar with the responses of teenagers they can seem quite blunt and attitude-y.

Conversation from the girl's point of view could have been that she didn't understand why you were asking questions about his name/address - she may not have realised you were his mum and might even have been feeling a little protective/I'm not going to give you that information even if I did know it which I don't, or defensive if she thought you were insinuating she'd done something wrong which she didn't think she had.

I mean, TBH, I'm struggling to see how "No" could be dripping with attitude, if she was shocked/scared/felt like she was being told off (which to be fair a random adult speaking to you when you're 12 does feel like, and you possibly were being a bit corrective since you were trying to tell them they'd done something wrong) then it might have come out a bit blunt/unsure.

It's a pretty adult response to react to something like that with "Oh god I'm really sorry. I didn't realise." She might not have had the maturity to come up with that in that very short space of time, or the balls to apologise, they probably walked away because they realised they'd made you cross and they didn't really want to be in the path of trouble so made themselves scarce. That's all. I don't think anyone's suggesting that you thundered in like Ms Trunchball and roared at them, but it's likely that you startled them and they decided to leave and not say much at all rather than risk getting into trouble.